How often do you see grandkids?

When our first grandchild was born, we had him overnight either every Friday or Saturday night, so that mum and dad (both working fulltime) could have some "me time". When the second came along it went to once a fortnight etc. We have four from our son ranging from 20 to 13 and we pop in when we can -no prior arrangement is ever made, but we only stay around 1/2 hr. They live 7 miles away. My daughter's two are 9 and 8 and I see them every day as they go to the school I work in. Again we pop in when we feel like it and they do the same here. They only lie 3 miles away. We've never had a problem and both families know that we'd stop everything at the drop of a hat if we were needed.

I see my granddaughters most days. My son and daughter-in-law both work and I do childcare. We live next door to each other and share all outside space. We all come and go from each other’s house like we live together but we also do stuff on our own and there’s never been an issue with overstaying our/their welcome and we are quite happy to speak up if we/they want some peace. I know we are very lucky and our set up is unusual.

There is no right or wrong amount as long as access to a loving relationship is encouraged for the sake of the child. I rarely took my son around to my MIL's but her son used to visit at least once a week with him. She would have always been welcome to come over at any time but chose not to. She was a lovely lady but she wasn't somebody I would have chosen to visit 5 times a week!

Why not arrange with her to take the children/child out for an afternoon a couple of regular times a week. That would allow you ME time to do housework/shopping/long soak in the bath etc. I live my grandchildren and their parents but nothing beats one on one time with my sons/daughter/grandchildren and maybe occasionally let your partner take your son/ daughter out on his own

Should say love not live

Sounds to me as if she hasn't enough interests etc in her life, to want to spend so much time with her grandchild. Obviously some grandparents spend more time if they give childcare, but as you are a stay-at-home mum that isn't necessary. You need to set boundaries now. I had a MiL who announced how frequently she wanted to see my eldest shortly after her birth. It wasn't too frequent as they lived over an hour's drive away, but even then it sometimes became too much, as it involved entertaining them for most of a day, including meals. I sometimes had to point out how infrequently we saw my DM who lived much further away!
When I was a child I saw my grandparents once a week. They were only a few miles away. Maybe start a regular pattern around your other commitments and don't neglect time for your own friends and interests.

Supporting you here. It’s up to you to set the pace, plus of course (you are being very considerate) being kind in your manner with MiL. I have 3 GC - love them all and feel privileged to have contact of whatever sort their parents make possible. Contact ranges from daily to weekly to a few times a year.

I don’t understand why you can’t drop off your daughter for your Mil to look after. If you’re only 3 mins away, then you could easily pop back if anything crops up. This would give you free time to get on with the housework, or anything else. If she has her for a morning twice a week then she’ll probably find that exhausting and not require any more days.

I see my DD and DGS once a week on a Wednesday and then I take DGS on a walk on a Sunday morning. Sometimes DD will stay at ours if her DH is offshore but I am at work anyway.

"I don’t understand why you can’t drop off your daughter for your Mil to look after."

Is this for the benefit or mil or the child?

Maybe see if she’d like to look after your daughter once a week, for a few hours on her own- at her house. You can then have some time to yourself. One other time with you & hubby & child each week should be enough- maybe alternate between your house and theirs? Not necessarily at weekends as you must want some free time for other family or friends?

Is this for the benefit or mil or the child? Or the mother, so that she gets a break and has a bit of time to herself?

Then it has to come from the mother to the mil, not the other way round.

Some mothers don’t want a break. Some don’t want their child away from them at such a young age.
Especially at such a young age. The OP does not have to hand her child over to appease the MIL.

Some mothers don’t want a break. And some do. Some don’t want their child away from them at such a young age. And some are glad to have the chance to have an hour to themselves.
Especially at such a young age. When they've had sleepless nights because their child is teething etc. The OP does not have to hand her child over to appease the MIL. No one, as far as I can see, has said she does.

Which proves, once again, that communication is the best way forward so that assumptions on both sides are avoided.

Has anyone had blocked tear ducts treated successfully?

I probably see mine twice a week, but that's not enough for dgs8. He'd like me to move in with them really. He cried last time I saw him and didn't want me to go. Remember that the children develop love, wants and wishes of their own, which may be different from yours.

Don’t feel guilty. Once a week would be ideal in my view. It would easier if it were your own Mother and not your husband’s. Can he talk to her? She must be very bored and lonely to want so much contact. She needs a life of her own too.

Is there a reason why MIL doesn't want to spend time with FIL? Maybe visiting the GC is her way of escape? If she works surely her time off is taken up with shopping, chores etc?
Either way, I can think of nothing worse that having any relative dropping in every single day but I don't think it's the sons place to sort this out. OP needs to set the boundaries for herself.

All visits should happen when her son (your dh) is there present to host her and visits have been coordinated by him too

Why on earth would that be the case?

His mother, his time, his responsibility

!!

Yes, staying at home is a more than full time job and the person manages his/her own calendar

Absolutely. But that has got nothing to do with her DH having to present for all MILs visits etc etc!!

Do you make these "rules" up as you go along or are they published in the How To Create Conflict In Families Rule Book #1?

Good question Chewbacca

Five times a week goodness me poor you! I’d wonder if she’s got a life at all, you must do what you feel is right for you, like you say you have to breathe, you don’t have to explain yourself either love, do what you feel is right for you, no it’s not wrong to not want to see her when you are not busy, your child your rules,

I see mine every week when it’s school holidays, occasionally during lockdown (pre vaccine) as I’m in a bubble with them. And every couple of weeks when they’re at school. They are 9 and 5 years old and live an hours drive away. I have 2 in New Zealand who I’ve only ever seen once or twice in their 10 and 5 years ( very sadly)