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How often do you see grandkids?

(101 Posts)
AbbieS9812 Fri 09-Apr-21 18:12:19

Hello everyone smile my little girl is 14months old. I was wondering how often you all see grandkids?
i love my MIL to bits, i really do. But her work schedule is about to change which give her lots of free days. I get lots of comments about how she can have those free days dedicated to spending time with us. Its not that I dont like her company, I do but sometimes I just need space to just breath. Things have died down but at one point I'd be getting visited 5 times each week. I dont want this again, I need space to clean the house, go out, run errands and such. I'm a stay at home mum but that doesnt mean I have all the time in the world. I will say no when the times comes, but is expecting to see the baby this much normal? I know I'm not in the wrong when im busy, but is it wrong to not want to see her when I'm not busy? Fil doesnt see baby during the week, only weekends. If I decided not to visit am I preventing them from seeing baby? I live 3 mins away, I do wonder why its always on me to visit them but at the same time I can leave when I want.

Geeb Tue 13-Apr-21 16:56:42

I see my only granddaughter twice a week as I look after her while her parents work. Sometimes they pop by on a weekend but I think I’m going extremely lucky, to do so that much.
I think 5 times a week is Ott if I’m honest. I absolutely adore my granddaughter and can’t do enough for her, but I have a life apart from her & i think twice/ 3 times a week is about right.

vincennes1 Tue 13-Apr-21 14:08:38

I used to collect my two grandchildren and look after them two days a week but since their grandad passed on not being able to drive myself they live two bus rides away this doesnt happen now. I see them once a week they normally visit me and then during school holidays look after them two days/sleepover 1 night. The other grandparents live across the road do the school runs so see them most days.

Lesley60 Tue 13-Apr-21 13:34:27

I’m lucky enough to see mine almost every day as I live close by and they are my daughter’s children,
I look after them a fair bit which I love, but I always prefer her to visit me rather than the other way around because that way she has chosen to be here and we are not intruding on her and her family’s time, although she often invites us over for a meal.

Yorki Tue 13-Apr-21 11:53:07

Knock it on the head , there's a fine line between helping and interfering. It's too much . If your afraid of saying something ,try keeping your doors locked and don't answer if she calls, can she see you from the doors or windows ? That's what I did , as me to ex mother in-law came to my house too often , but my MIL was over domineering, she turn everything into an argument if you didn't agree with her, to the point of being aggressive, I'm glad I divorced my 1st husband. His mum was wanted to move in with us . She never took no for an answer . I realise you like your MIL but you deserve your privacy , time & space . If this isn't stopped you'll end up resenting her . She sounds like she has no " am becoming a nuisance" filter . Or maybe try a " this just isn't a convenient time " quote, with a very harassed look on your face . You sound too nice . She'll take you for a door mat . I've being there , it's not nice living your life around someone else . They eventually take over. Good luck ..

SophiaCharm1 Tue 13-Apr-21 01:35:31

I am a new grandmother; our son and DIL live in the UK, while my husband and I are in the U.S. We Face Time once per week (usually Sundays) with our son and DIL and granddaughter. Sometimes DIL is busy with household chores; and our son is caring for our granddaughter. We thoroughly enjoy our Face time together since COVID restrictions prevented us from visiting son and DIL after the baby was born. We plan to visit this summer when travel restrictions are eased. We are very close to our son, and most of the time, once a weekend, or every other weekend chats via Face Time are something we look forward to. We also have a son in the U.S. who is married, and we chat via phone a few times per month. He and his wife do not have children. We text; share photos; phone calls; and occasional Zoom. The pandemic separation has been difficult for family life; holidays; family dinners; etc. Hopefully, these special family events will resume.

GrannyRose15 Tue 13-Apr-21 00:53:45

I rather think it depends on what she does when she visits. I remember my PiL coming to see my new born daughter, expecting to stay for a cooked meal and not going home until about 9:30. By that time I'd given up being polite and gone to bed.

My point is does she come to help or as a visitor?

My advice would be to ask her for help sometimes. Ask her if she wants to meet up for a walk or accompany you to the shops, or have the child for the afternoon while you go out. Take the initiative and keep it on your own terms.

In answer to your question, I see my grandchildren at least twice a week, and every day during the school holidays - it suits us all fine.

CafeAuLait Tue 13-Apr-21 00:40:42

I think my MIL hoped she would have the grandchildren left with her regularly. For two reasons it was never going to happen. She had a dog I wasn't safe around, let alone a young child or baby. That's reason enough. She also had a treacherous staircase in the area she would have kept my child. It wasn't possible to enclose it. I still wouldn't do it.

Peff68 Mon 12-Apr-21 23:44:50

I see my sons Daughter twice a week and the other granddaughter lives 1.5 hours away but we FaceTime most days as it’s my daughter and we’re very close.

It’s really up to you how often but I think couple times a week is good, perhaps you could leave your daughter with MIL when you go out on errands to give them more time with her. It’s lovely you get on well but you definitely need your own space.

CafeAuLait Mon 12-Apr-21 23:18:12

I'm surprised how much time some of you have with your grandchildren.

With my first I'd have been happy to have MIL come over once a week, but it depends how long for. The length of visit would change how often I wanted it. Shorter visits, maybe twice a week.

I think it would have got harder as the children got older and we had places to be and things to do. Visits would have had to drop back.

SaraC Mon 12-Apr-21 22:36:58

I echo MamaCaz (much earlier in the thread) You both sound like lovely people so just talk about this kindly. The issue seems to be about renegotiating shared time following MIL’s routine change. Things change all the time, so respectful communication, flexibility and kindness will always be the key to going forward in family life.

Chewbacca Mon 12-Apr-21 22:33:29

Same for me too Lucca and for all my friends who have DILs and GC as well. My DIL often phones to ask if the GC can come and stay with me for a few hours just so that she can get on with jobs in peace. Maybe I should say "Hang on! I'll check the rules!" grin

Lucca Mon 12-Apr-21 22:27:02

Sorry my post was to Hithere.

Lucca Mon 12-Apr-21 22:26:31

Hi there you seem set on grandparents being made to adhere to some rigid rules designed to keep them away as much as possible.

It’s never been an issue in the families I know.
I spend time with my son and his kids or with daughter in law and kids or all of us together, and have had grandkids to stay from a very young age. Guess what nobody has had any problems with it at all and we did it all without any horrible rules.

Jeannie59 Mon 12-Apr-21 21:52:01

Give some thought, to us who have our grandchildren living thousands of miles away and don't know when we will see them again.
At least most of you are close enough to see yours this year.
Weeks, Months, but not years sad

Summerlove Mon 12-Apr-21 20:39:26


"Would you feel comfortable with your MIL having your daughter for an afternoon or morning so that you can have a few hours to yourself?
You could work this to everyones advantage including yours"

That sounds like a custody agreement.

This way, mil spends more time with the child than his/her own father.

I’m normally with you on most things, but this is a little too far.

If it works for the mother, and MIL is willing, this could work nicely every now and then.

Gingster Mon 12-Apr-21 19:46:35

Just as it happens really. I never ask to see them. They’re all at school now so maybe for an hour after school occasionally, sometimes a weekend visit or if I’m needed to sit with them if parents are out. I try to accommodate if I can help out. I do have a busy life of my own so I don’t need to be needy.

Madgran77 Mon 12-Apr-21 19:36:53

"Would you feel comfortable with your MIL having your daughter for an afternoon or morning so that you can have a few hours to yourself?
You could work this to everyones advantage including yours"

Quote Hithere - That sounds like a custody agreement

No it doesn't, it sounds like an arrangement the OP may or may not wish to make, depending on whether it suits her or not!!!!

Dear, dear me!!

Albangirl14 Mon 12-Apr-21 18:39:16

As a Granny I offered to help look after my grandchildren on a regular basis so that the children's Mum can make a hair appt etc on a Thursday so she knows I am free or spend time doing anything she wishes. I am there for the children and not as a guest. This has worked for us as I see the children regularly and their Mum knows I can be relied on to be there.

Hithere Mon 12-Apr-21 18:29:16

Doesnt the father work full time? 3 hours a day then, not 24

Mistyfluff8 Mon 12-Apr-21 18:25:15

Haven’t seen one lot of grandchildren for over 15 months missed birthdays etc so used

Chewbacca Mon 12-Apr-21 18:19:26

This way, mil spends more time with the child than his/her own father.

24 hours in a day
168 hours in a week.
4 hours in an afternoon.

How can 4 hours per week equate more time with MIL than his/her own father? Please explain as that doesn't make any mathematical or common sense.

Hithere Mon 12-Apr-21 17:58:42

"Would you feel comfortable with your MIL having your daughter for an afternoon or morning so that you can have a few hours to yourself?
You could work this to everyones advantage including yours"

That sounds like a custody agreement.

This way, mil spends more time with the child than his/her own father.

Madgran77 Mon 12-Apr-21 17:29:45

Which proves, once again, that communication is the best way forward so that assumptions on both sides are avoided

"Quite" again, Chewbacca!!

ClareAB Mon 12-Apr-21 17:25:58

Would you feel comfortable with your MIL having your daughter for an afternoon or morning so that you can have a few hours to yourself?
You could work this to everyones advantage including yours smile

Summerlove Mon 12-Apr-21 17:03:34


So in a scenario where mother is at home currently with baby and father is in full time work outside the home, his mother can only visit her grandchild at weekend ?

Unless DIL wants To visit, sure.

Just because one parent is home, doesn’t mean they are available.

Ftr, If it were the father home, I’d expect that the maternal inlaws would wait until they could schedule with their child.