Parenting failures.

When I was about 10, my friend and me used to knock on doors where we knew there was a baby and ask if we could take the baby to the park! Some of the mums had never seen us before but put the babies in the prams and off we went. Can you imagine?

Fortunately no. With eyes at the back of my head and always on the ball at all times ( drove myself crazy ) there were never any mishaps probably because I had 4 young children to see to, a baby, toddler and two young step-children who I'd felt more responsible for than my own.

I will consult my children on this - they will, I am sure, have a list!

When I was about 10, my friend and me used to knock on doors where we knew there was a baby and ask if we could take the baby to the park! Some of the mums had never seen us before but put the babies in the prams and off we went. Can you imagine?

Kate I was that baby. Though the 10 year-old who took me out was in my Dad's class at the local primary school
I used to visit Lois and her parents for some years after that.

My children were very near in age. I had to use buses, once when unfolding the buggy after getting off the bus and putting the baby in, the doors suddenly closed with one child on the step inside the bus, the driver not realising set off. I had to quickly get across a very busy roundabout and run to the next bus stop. pushing the buggy.
Luckily a woman had realised what had happened and grabbed the one on the bus and held her telling the driver. Never again did I get off a bus in that way I got a smaller buggy that hung on my arm and all three of us plus buggy got off together. I still come out in a sweat when thinking about it she could have jumped after me from a moving bus or been caught in the doors or if the next bus stop had been a long way away stay with complete strangers.

When DD was 18 months old she went from "No she sounds fine" (telephone call from Dr I had never met) to "The consultant is rather worried and came in at midnight" (hospital nurse) At that point DH and I both went down with flu and weren't allowed to visit her. A week later DH went to collect her while I sat at home wondering what terrible psychological damage we had done by abandoning her in hospital. Then she walked into the house as if nothing had happened, was quite pleased to see me and just carried on as normal. Apparently I hadn't been the awful mother I thought I had.

My mum left me in my pram outside a shop in our local market. It was quite commonplace at the time (1950s) to do this and there were several other prams with babies in them to keep me company. When she came out, pram and baby were gone! Cue police search, lunchtime appeal broadcast on the radio and several hours of heartache for my parents (Dad was called home from work). I was finally found in the City a few miles away - young girl and her brother had wheeled me off. They told the police officer who spotted them that I was their brother. Mum never forget that feeling when she came out of the shop, and never left me outside again. I still have the newspaper reports to this day.

jane It doesn't bear thinking about now.

I thought this thread was meant to be about parental failures. I am still waiting to read one.

Lots of entertaining stories about doing things that would not be considered a safe thing to do nowadays. But parental failures?

A parental failure is surely something you did that ruined a child's opportunity in life or caused them lasting harm.

MO - how condescending are you ?
At the time these incidents were far from entertaining for anyone, the fact that all turned out well does not detract from the horror we all felt and still recall at times.

No, I am not being condescending, but none of these events, no matter how frightening at the time, are what I would describe as parenting failures. They are just some of the frightening events that happen when you have children - and in many cases were things most parents would have done at the time, although we wouldn't do it nowadays.

Unless one takes on board Ixion'x contribution - and with her I fully agree. DD used to tell me frequently what a useless mother I was, although we weren't always in agreement as to whether what I had done was a sign of 'useless mothering' or sensible caution.

At least two of my children hold things in their childhood against me, but the worst one they don't remember. We were fortunate to be offered a private tour of the aircraft hangars at Heathrow after a good lunch and a fair bit of wine. DS1 (aged 4) was allowed to sit in the pilot seat of a large jet and yanked hard on a lever. The chap showing us round suddenly came to life and screamed 'Don't touch that' - it was the lever to pull up the undercarriage, and £6 million pounds worth of aircraft would have crashed to the floor. But while we were in the cockpit, 18 month old DS2 had climbed out of an emergency exit, left open, onto a wing and was running about on it. I just managed to grab him in time before he toppled over the edge. It still gives me the shivers now how foolish we had been not to keep an eye on him!

I'm totally in accord with M0nica, these aren't parenting failures, just accidents and lapses that all parents have. On holiday with my toddler and a friend with her baby daughter, I looked away for a second and toddler disappeared. We were on a cross channel ferry and I was sick with worry but found her with a group of teens playing on some machines but for a few minutes I was sick with anxiety. Grown up daughter has no recollection of it all.

How would you define a parenting failure?

Kate1949 said
I put DD on a bus by herself and my sister-in-law met her at the other end. I feel sick at the thought now.
Our daughter would never have done that with her own daughter. I can't believe I did that.

Well I took myself to school at 7 over 3 main roads, my mother wasn't the least concerned. It was her idea.

GrannyGravy13 Quote from my previous post
A parental failure is surely something you did that ruined a child's opportunity in life or caused them lasting harm.

I would add that it could be physical or psychological

NotSpaghetti

Kate - at 8 lots of children caught busses alone years ago.

I don't think this was a failure.

I know people who were put on trains with a trunk at 8 as they went off to boarding school. I crossed London at 9 or 10. It was a different time.

exactly, what i was thinking.
not sure when this happened, what year i mean, but i think it is not good that most children get no experience of looking out for themselves now, being taken everywhere, never using money.
it is still the norm in europe that 7 year olds take themselves to and from school. some places actually discourage/forbid parents from fetching them. it is seen as part of their education to be responsible for getting themselves there. and in japan i believe small children catch trains to school.
what i mean is, if it was still the norm here, then it wouldn't seem so alarming, there would be lots of children around.

I regularly put my children in the bus to visit their grandparents. My daughter would have been about eight, and her brother four. It never really occurred to me that it wasn’t a very good idea, they loved it.
I’m sure I’ve made many mistakes, but one that sticks out is another holiday tale. Under pressure I let my youngest go on a camping holiday with a friend, lovely people, but very volatile, always rowing, and their idea of parenting was letting them get on with it.
I knew they would be basically without supervision for the week. After I agreed she could go, all I could think about was how to get out of it, but she went, survived and had a great time. Although she did say she spent a lot of time with her friends dad, because she felt sorry for him.

GrannyGravy13

How would you define a parenting failure?

Something that leaves your child with physical or emotional scars

Iam64, we’d probably have to ask the children, to find out our parenting failures which left them scarred. Wasn’t there a thread a while back about how we felt our parents had let us down.
This thread seems to be about things we thought we shouldn’t have done and still might feel guilty about rather the effect it had on the children. Sometimes it might be both. I let my children climb trees when they were young. My youngest fell resulting in a broken bone. My parenting failure is that I let them carry on climbing trees.

Well everyone, you've taken away years of guilt!

Well everyone, you've taken away years of guilt!
Way to go, Kate

This is in the category of awful incident I regret :
I come from NZ and was on my first return trip after many years away accompanied by 2 of our DC. Bored with looking up relatives and trailing round museums, we discovered that they could go swimming with the dolphins on a sea trip which lasted 3 hours.
Youngest DD was 9 and we paid the money and left them to it. I was asked if she could swim but that was all.
3 hours later I returned to find the trip had been cut short because DD was showing signs of hyperthermia even in 2 wet suits. Everyone on board had been trying to warm her up. Think next stop Antarctica, not a Californian pool!

She survived but I still shudder particularly as the records we were reading in the museum showed several ancestors had drowned in those exact same seas.

jane My husband has a saying for me. 'You'd blame yourself if your granny had piles and you haven't even got a granny'.

Mollygo we’d probably have to ask the children, to find out our parenting failures which left them scarred....this thread seems to be about things we thought we shouldn’t have done and still might feel guilty about rather the effect it had on the children.
Absolutely agree. Only our children can decide whether something affected them permanently (apart from a physical injury).
Many of the things mentioned in this thread are things we perceive as a parenting failure because they could have been life-changing for child and parent if they hadn't had a happy outcome. But mostly things turn out okay and we simply remember what happened as a possible disaster. And usually we learn a lesson at the same time.