Going Back to your Maiden Name

I'm sorry for your loss Msida

I think that the way that you are feeling may be part of your grieving process.

I think that if you revert to your maiden name you may regret it.

More pragmatically, I think that it would be the most tremendous faff.

It had never occurred to me to revert to my maiden name on my H’s death, I find it a strange concept.
I had had my maiden name for 21 years and my married name for over 60.
A friend on remarriage kept her H’s name and her new H’s with his blessing.

M0nica

*Msida*, DH is still with me, ut it is something I have contemplated.

I wanted to keep my maiden name when I got married, but in 1968, it was beyond the pale. I was told, erroneously, that the law required me to have my married name on my passport and I could not have a bank account in my maiden name. In the end I gave up, but I have often thought about it since and DDiL has kept her maiden name and I am deeply envious.

Same here, DIL included. I think I knew I could keep my maiden name, and basically wanted to, but in the end I took the easy option. My maiden name was very hard to spell and pronounce, and at first it was such a relief to be able to give my name and not have to explain it. Now, though, I would love to have my unusual name back. My husband died so long ago that I just don’t feel as if I belong to his family, so I feel I have the wrong name.

The more I think about it, the more it seems ridiculously outdated to take the husband’s name. I was quite shocked when my nephew’s wife’s took his.

I wanted to use my maiden name after I was widowed but it felt a bit disloyal (silly really) and it was too big a faff so I stayed with my married name.

I reverted to my maiden name when I divorced. I remarried and am now widowed. I have kept my married name this time. I think it is more common for widows to keep their married name though I did consider reverting to my maiden name again. One issue is that my maiden name is unusual so often misspelt and my married name is easier.

I didnt like my maiden name so I just chose another one that was "in the family" when I divorced.

In the UK you can just change your surname by usage. That means writing to people like your bank, employer, doctor etc. If you want to make it a bit more formal (for example to change your passport) you just get a form called a statutory declaration (available from a law stationers) and make a statement declaring that you XXX then ask someone like a doctor, bank manager or clergyman to witness it.

You can also formally change it by deed poll (a legal process) but that is usually reserved for when a child has been adopted and takes the name of the new parents. I changed mine in the 1970s.

As far as I`m concerned, I`m still David`s wife, so am still Mrs. xxxxxxx

I wanted to add to the above that I'm surprised at how really comfortable I feel with one name or the other depending on the circumstances. I actually "own" both names and love it.

I use both and it's sort of nice to retain both "identities", so to speak. When I divorced I kept my married name because I felt closer to my sons that way especially since I then got a job as a teacher at their school. I decided to use my maiden name on my credit card, emails, bills, etc. as that helped me feel like an independent woman with a fresh start. It also made me feel closer to my dad.

Welshwife

Here in France your maiden name remains with you and your married name is often the name of usage. On my French residence card it has my maiden name and then says ‘wife of ‘and my husbands surname. It is your choice which name you use.

Go with whatever you are comfortable with, Mrs or Ms followed by either maiden or married name. It may take a lot of paperwork, passport, medical, banks etc.

I know it isn’t your case but it is expected a divorcée, in France, will go back to her maiden name. If she wishes to keep her husband’s name she has to ask his permission..
Deaths are reported in the paper with the woman’s maiden name even though they were still married. A bit confusing as we didn’t know them with their maiden name.
To be polite, a single older women are called Madame with their maiden name.

I’m divorced and would have liked to go back to my maiden name, but there was too much of a bother, so I didn’t. Strangely enough, my 18year old granddaughter was telling me the other day, she would like to adopt my maiden name. because she loves the sound of it ?

Is it one that you can "double-barrel ?" Still using both surnames. That way you can hang on to your maiden name. If you like that sort of thing.

Personally I had no qualms about keeping my married name when I was widowed and still refer myself to " Mrs ".

I went back to my maiden name when I divorced. It was easy(in Scotland) and has never been a problem.

Here in France your maiden name remains with you and your married name is often the name of usage. On my French residence card it has my maiden name and then says ‘wife of ‘and my husbands surname. It is your choice which name you use.

I kept my married name. I liked it better and it was the children’s surname so it saved confusion.

Msida, DH is still with me, ut it is something I have contemplated.

I wanted to keep my maiden name when I got married, but in 1968, it was beyond the pale. I was told, erroneously, that the law required me to have my married name on my passport and I could not have a bank account in my maiden name. In the end I gave up, but I have often thought about it since and DDiL has kept her maiden name and I am deeply envious.