Badly behaved grandchildren

I suppose it depends on how old your grandchildren are, but I cannot remember ever finding meals, in or out, with my grandparents boring, nor did my children and my own DGC have never given an impression that meals out with us are boring. DC & DGC have been eating out regularly since they were about 6 months old and just take it in their stride. Mind you we are a family that talk an awful lot, so the children are so busy talking they do not have time to be bored.

I hasten to add that my kids were taught how to behave - but really disliked eating out. I remember well one dinner with a good friend - and my two daughters sitting quietly, looking miserable, sulking and refusing to eat a thing!

Hetty 58. I agree meals out with granny must be boring, but is it that often and how many things (sometimes boring) do grannies have to attend or do to please or support the GC?

Aveline, try to see it from their point of view. A meal out with granny? Boring!

A picnic would be better - or any opportunity to use up their energy rather than be tethered to a table. It's just torture being expected to sit still at their ages!

I taught my children from weaning how to behave at the table and correct use of cutlery as did DIL.
GC have attended family meals since being in the highchair and certainly know how to behave.
I think DH took GD for a walk once after several hours in a restaurant in France, it was Sunday lunch and after three hours it was asking a lot of a toddler.

Oh Aveline I sympathise! We have 5 sons and did on occasion eat out. At times it was a nightmare and embarassing! On one occasion all was going well and everyone was behaving. Someone came over to comment on our sons' good behaviour. The eldest then started banging his cutlery on the table saying 'The public say we are exceptionally well behaved ' repeatedly in a louder and louder voice!
We often played a game of top trumps or cards altogether until the food arrived. But eating out with children is not easy ( especially lively boys!) and picnics have a lot to recommend them!!

Chestnut - spot on.

Yes, Katie59, that is true, but why should we have to suffer 15 years of family meals out made difficult, other guests meals out spoiled and staff put at risk, because someone could not be bothered to teach their children how to behave in public?

It is only a relatively small minority of parents who let children run wild in restaurants but that small minority lead to some restaurants refusing to serve children and generally make everyone else miserable.

A lot is said about teaching children “table manners”, all I can say is when the kids got to 16 or 18 and sat with us, their table manners were normal and acceptable.

That would be lovely Katie59 but we are a very small family. There's just us which makes it matter all the more somehow.
I'm resigned to the fact that we obviously bore the chikdren despite our best efforts. Will just leave it a while with the ball in DDs court as to the next meet up.

Aveline

We quite often have barbecues in DDs garden. The boys usually disappear inside to watch TV or play on their devices. There's nothing I can do really.

You don’t have to do anything, my brother and 2 csisters along with their 8 children plus 4 of mine get together about 4 times a year children have a lot to catch up on, so do the adults. As the children have got older they have joined the adults even bringing girl/boyfriends with them, they are lovely relaxed parties that everyone enjoys.

I’ve often noticed that French children for example are capable of behaving in restaurants and don’t necessarily need to have mobile phones or iPads (my pet peeve.....). Mainly because they always eat at a table at home as a family and I am not sure that always happens here nowadays. However parents need to lead by example and chat to the children to involve them. I can’t bear seeing young children glued to a device at a restaurant table sorry.

And are they ever taught how to correctly use a knife and fork now? Children seem to either eat with their hands, or pick up an item and bite it off the fork, and it's not considered necessary to cut the food on the plate and place it in the mouth correctly. Eating is altogether so casual now, table rules seem to have gone.

I understand your disappointment Aveline, fortunately my DD, also a single parent, as some else noted, employs similar tactics as I used to with her and her brother at that sort of age. Phones are away at meal times, our 8 year old doesn’t have one anyway, the 13 year old does. But when they’re not yours it’s difficult, hopefully your discomfort was noticed.

Our children embarrassed us one afternoon when we took them out for lunch. Arguing, pushing one another,
generally causing a scene! After repeated requests for them to behave I took them both outside and told them in no uncertain terms that we were not prepared for their behaviour to continue. They were warned that if they did not behave we would leave our meals , pay the bill and go home. I had no fear of reprimanding them in public! If their behaviour had continued we would indeed have gone home ! Back in the restaurant all was calm , the children were perfect. We all had a lovely meal and so did our fellow diners !! We didn't refer to the incident but on returning home praised them for good behaviour. They are now in their 40s and still remember the day mum gave them a good telling off in public! I feel sorry for parents these days who are afraid to pull their children into line for fear of damaging their self esteem. Our children were 5 and 7 at the time.

Such a shame it seems so many youngsters are not taught table manners these days,

Aveline, in their own garden with toys and stuff inside, I think that is inevitable.

Ah, the "fun daddy" dynamic - donr get me started

That's what me and DH and DD were trying to do! Sadly SiL and the boys just wouldn't/couldn't seem to get it. The boys were sitting in the middle between us all.

^I have seen so many family outings where children sit one end of the table, adults the other, who neither look nor talk to the children, and then are surprised when they make a lot of noise, and run around.

A family meal, should be a family meal with the whole family engaged together in everything from choosing what to eat, where to eat and so on.^

Monica Totally agree.

We have been in this situation and I found it embarrassing. Same thing DD tried to correct them and SIL made matters worse. The table looked like a bomb site and to add to it they picked about with their food and hardly ate anything.

We quite often have barbecues in DDs garden. The boys usually disappear inside to watch TV or play on their devices. There's nothing I can do really.

Aveline, sorry you’re experience was not what you expected, perhaps next time just sneak a girly lunch with your daughter!

What about a barbecue in your garden for your lovely family, when you are sure the weather will stay sunny, put up a little tent for the boys, they can play in there, or give them a plant sprayer each to ‘water the garden’.

I daresay much fun will be on the cards!

They are only young, and will soon be teenage boys. Make the most of it while they are still children

As a family at home we all ate together at every meal, mum dad brother and myself so were led by example and corrected if wrong. No shouting matches ensued and we copied our parents.
On eating out, dad used to take us to the Adelphi when it was really something, we acted the same as we did at home. I used to think it was a palace in those days----not as it is now so I've heard, since the rabble came along after the 60's.

Aveline so sorry for you. "retreat under the table" got me. I remember my eldest GS doing this when he was about 4, but at 10 and 8 they should know better. Could you book 2 tables next time? Let SIL wind them up as much as he likes at one while you and your DD have a lovely quiet lunch at the other one?