Where should I move

I am sorry for the anxiety this situation is causing you. But you need to think of your own long term happiness rather than fitting in with your daughters plans. It could happen that you move near to her leaving your friends behind and then something upsets her and she withdraws from you again. Then you are stuck in an area where you have no support and maybe jeopardise your relationship with your partner.
Does she also have another motive for you moving ? Does she expect any money from the downsizing to a flat for you ?
Sorry but you need to listen to your inner voice on this one. Think of your own wellbeing.

Have you asked her why she doesn’t like him? It’s a pretty big step for her to cut you off because of your new partner. Tell her to be honest with you.

If there is no particular reason, then a chat is needed about your love for him and your need to be with him.

Maybe she will make you choose which is a shame.

Pull out of the house purchase until you are sure what you want to do.

I'm afraid I think the money is going to be an issue. She took money from me before, vowed to pay me back but stopped when we became estranged. She had never offered to pay anything back since so I'm out of pocket by about 25 k.

She has used you once financially. Do not imagine she will not do it again. Live your life for you! We make sacrifices for our children when they are small but she is an adult and needs to respect your choices and boundaries.

It might help your injured feelings to know if your daughter's stopping the payments was because she could not afford them.

Maybe she was so ashamed of being unable to repay you that she estranged herself from you.

I suggest you ask her kindly and compassionately why she stopped repaying the loan.

If on the other hand your daughter stopped repaying your kind loan because she was estranged from you, I think you have to conclude she is not a reliable friend to you , and if you move to be near her you will have to accept her warts and all.

Alexa, she stopped because of the estrangement. I never expected the whole lot back but she was making an extremely small contribution monthly as a good will gesture, at that rate I would be dead and gone before it was finished.

You say that you are happy were you are, have friends and a boyfriend but your relationship with your daughter is very tense and she has already once cut you off for a year.
Read the above sentence and your decision should be clear.
Live your own life.....

I think I would just make up an excuse as to why the house sale has fallen through and let the dust settle a bit, then tell her you've changed your mind about moving

If you don’t want ructions don’t make a big deal of it. Just say it’s all fallen through. Your purchasers pulled out. It happens all the time.

And you just can’t face starting it all over again for the moment. Give yourself a breathing space.

Or you might feel it’s time to stand up to her and say this is my life. You can’t appease for ever.

As far as the money goes, I think you’ll just have to write that off. When people stop repaying they very rarely start again.

Yes, was just about to type what JaneJudge said. There are so many house sales falling through at the moment. I feel a bit sorry for your vendors as they will probably miss out on the stamp duty window, but if you let them know now there may still be a chance.

Yes, I would ignore the fact you want to stay there for your partner- but difficulties with the house and that at your age you can't imagine being without your friends and local comfort/knowledge.

This is a difficult situation for you. I think you should stay put for the time being. What would happen if your daughter remarried and moved house?

Does she not trust your new partner to be around her child? Does she think he'll gain access to what she feels should be her share of your money?

I don't see how she could justify cutting you off totally from seeing your grandchild. After all, your partner doesn't have to be included.

It sounds like emotional blackmail. I hope you and your daughter will get through this bad patch without too much grief.

Do not leave the friends you know we did and have regretted it ever since .

I agree with everyone else who is saying that you should be very wary about giving up your happy life where you are.
I also suspect money is at the root of your daughter’s request.

How far away is she? You could always have fairly regular visits even if it means booking into a b and b near her.

What’s to say she won’t meet someone and want to move away again ? You would then be stuck living somewhere you would never have chosen.

You say your relationship with her is ok on the condition that you conform. I think that says it all doesn’t it.

I have just told her I am not moving, like my friends and back with boyfriend and as predicted she screamed at me, I'm not to see the children again and I'm a piece of s×#$. Glad that happened whilst here and not there. So sad.

At least you know you made the right decision ?

Thank goodness you didn't move. Your daughter clearly has her own issues to deal with and uses you as the scapegoat. Don't feel bad about it, your life,your decision.

Forgive me but it does sound a little teensy bit like you're pushing your partner into her face. He really shouldn't be such a big issue as far as she's concerned.
I'd suggest you stop mentioning him for a while, OK she knows you're back together but she doesn't need to know anything more about your relationship.
Then continue building bridges with your daughter.
However you should think hard before you move from an area you love and friends you love, just to be near someone who calls you a piece of s+#$.
If she's so keen to live near you, let her do the moving.

Wow! Sounds like you've made the best decision. Your daughter sounds toxic.
Thank goodness you've had the strength to stand your ground. Well done.

Do not move, you are happy where you are. Your daughter called you a piece of #$¥#, Nice, but at least you know now.
Sorry but I feel she has a ulterior motive, and see's you as a cash cow. She has had money from you before and stopped paying due to the estrangement, that is so morally wrong, she owed the debt so should repay it, no matter what the circumstances.
Please enjoy your life. I am sorry to say it but you are better off with your partner, and friends at least your finances will not be affected.

That unpleasant, rude and disrespectful response from your daughter does seem to indicate that there was an ulterior motive for her request.
You shouldn’t have to tolerate being spoken to in such terms.

Any reasonable daughter would have expressed disappointment at your decision, yet ultimately be pleased for you that you are happy and settled where you are.

It’s a great shame that the grandchildren were used as a means to punish you, and well done for standing firm.

lucyloo I am so sorry that your daughter has reacted in this way but I think you have made the right decision. However disappointed she may be, she is completely out of order calling you a piece of shit. It perhaps indicates that, had you moved, you would have been subject to outburst and threats like this if you didn't do exactly what she wanted. You are far better staying where you are happy and where you have friends.

I hope things settle down between you but not at the expense of you being able to do what you want, choose your own friends and relationships and voice your opinions.

Glad you made the decision not to move

Oh I'm sorry that her reaction was so heightened and seemingly with tones of emotional blackmail by using the children as a means to hurt you for not getting her way.

I hope that you will be happy because you have built your life where you are and feel content by the sounds of it. If your daughter reacted like that now, then you could become very unhappy if you gave up all you've build in order to keep her happy, which does sound quite difficult for you anyway.

Be at peace with your decision. Only you know what's right for you. X?