It really irks me!

Ms denotes being single. If you're divorced in the UK, the formal address would be Mrs + your Christian name + your married surname. Informally, you can call yourself whatever you like, especially if patriarchy isn't your thing.

When i went to scotland looking up graves in a cemetery. I found all the women were given maiden name on headstone

I’m a Ms because my marital status is irrelevant in addressing me. I also think a woman changing her name to her husband’s is a patriarchal anachronism.

When I went to Scotland looking up graves in a cemetery. I found all the women were given maiden name on headstone

It was common to have the mothers name as your second name - so Catriona Dalkeith MacDonald. Not double barrelled, just a second first name.

Many women keep their own family name regardless of marriage. Many use Ms as they don't think their marital status is relevant to anybody but them. Certainly drives me mad being asked in the most ridiculous situations 'is it Miss or Mrs'.

I think we should just say it Rev - ?

Ms does not indicate a divorced woman. My married status is irrelevant in most instances. A Dr is a Dr. A Rev is a Rev.

Why would you want to change your own name to someone else's, even when you love them?
I have retained my own family surname although I am married. I also prefer to be addressed as Ms rather than Mrs, as my marital status should be irrelevant in most situations.

I changed my surname on marriage because I hated my maiden name. Also if you have children it makes life much easier if you all have the same name, especially when travelling. If I were to divorce I would not return to my maiden name but would prefer to use either my mother's or grandmother's maiden names. I always thought that Ms was used by someone who did not want their marital status known. A friend of mine, although divorced for many years, still refers to herself as Mrs. because she feels she gets more respect from tradesmen etc.

The whole thing can be very annoying at times. I have a so called friend who insists on introducing/writing to me as Mrs "John Homefarm" even though she knows I don't like it and I've asked her not to. I always used my maiden name for work.

I wish I’d kept my birth name. It was a much more interesting name than my married one, but very difficult to spell and pronounce, so I took the lazy way out! That was in 1968. I’ve been widowed for along time now, and still feel I have the wrong name.

My DIL has kept her own name, I’m glad to say, though the children have my son’s name. Other younger married women in my family have taken their husband’s name, which amazes me in this day and age.

My DIL knows a couple who didn’t like either of their surnames, so they chose a name they did like and use that. Good idea.

Maybe it's different here in America, but every woman chooses to use Mrs. or Ms. according to her preference. I don't think "Miss" is used at all any more. It sounds like a quaint anachronism.

The use of Ms. or Mrs. is entirely a matter of preference, and has nothing to do with whether a woman is divorced or not. No one to my knowledge uses Mrs. unless she is actually married, or has been. But I am pretty sure that most single women use Ms., regardless of the reason they are single. Some married women prefer it as well.

I am widowed, and switched from Mrs. to Ms. when my husband passed away. It has nothing to do with divorce.

Shoud be Catherine/Megan Countess of ...... Quite a mouthful other than when being written. Media easier to identify which by using actual names. Sure if either women objected media would be told by the official parties. As to loss of Mrs/Miss females have driven this not wanting to be identified as married or not. Not too long until any kind of identification eg male or female will be lost too, we will be a them, they or it!

I have a friend who changed his name to his wife’s when they got married. When I asked him why (idle curiosity, no judgment) he told me his family name had been ‘Bustard’ and he had been teased all through school because of it. Seems like a good reason to me ?

I’ve never used either of my husbands family names,. However, when I got divorced from the first one the clerk at the court insisted I sign the papers in a married name despite never had had or used a married name. I was too young and naive to fight back although I now think I should have. ?

Ali08

Ms. is the shortened version of Mizz which notifies the woman is divorced!
Or, at least it did originally!!
So many things have been changed to suit new generations.

Sorry to disagree, but the original purpose of Ms was to give a title to a female that made no reference to her marital status, in the same way the Mr had always done for men. It was considered (righly, IMO) that the marital status was irrelevant to the vast majority of situations where a title was required.

I did not change my name on marriage in 1972. I had one of the first passports to have Ms on them (they don't put courtesy titles now.)

I am not Miss, because I am not single, and I am not Mrs H, because I am not married to myself! Ms is perfect.

No! No! No! Ms was created in the late 60s/early 70s by women like me (in the Women’s Liberation movement) who were fed up with their marital status being immediately apparent, unlike men who are always Mr.
There is no legal requirement for women to take their husband’s name (where on earth is the sense in that?) or to be called Mrs upon marriage.
It is a popular misconception that Ms is used for divorced women.
In the UK, you can call yourself whatever you like. You don’t actually need to do the deed poll thing, though it possibly makes things easier. If I wake up tomorrow and decide to call myself Poppy Tartt, I can.

The No! No! No! was for the suggestion the Ms was for divorced women. Well done you GrammarGrandma; we decided not to get married and even in the 80s I was criticised for having a child out of wedlock The name at the end of my hospital bed was Mrs. I changed it, which led to a row with the ward sister. And they automatically tried to send me to see a social worker instead of a health visitor; she had to admit I knew more about maternity leave, benefits etc than she did. Oh such dinosaur ideas!

sodapop

greenlady102

well yes but your birth name is another man's name too....

Not necessarily greenlady unless you go back further generations. My birth mother was unmarried so my first surname was hers.
I agree that changing ones name on marriage is now outdated. Men have never had to indicate their marital status in this way.

Indeed but in general, your maiden surname is your father's surname. When I married it was the 70's and the thing about not taking your husband's name was bubbling up with Lib. My take was that it didn't make any difference as I was just exchanging one beloved man's name for another.

My problem is not so much with the name as with having to denote marital status in this way.

For many years now I have refused to use any personal title, just my given name and surname. This has been used through single, married and divorced periods. I refuse to be categorised!

Surely taking your husbands surname went out with the Ark? I would have hoped women had come a long way since then! And why do they have to become Mrs? Men are always Mr so why should we change to Mrs? It stinks of ownership!

It is a popular misconception that Ms is used for divorced women. I have never thought of it this way until someone started this thread, or heard anyone else use it in this way. Surely it is just a neutral term, such as Mr/Rev/Dr ? where marital status is of no relevance whatsoever.

I hate the term Ms. I am divorced so usually choose Mrs (some online forms make you put something in the first box) but prefer to not put a prefix and just be known by my first and last name.
I do wish I'd gone back to my maiden name once divorced but seemed like too much hassle - it will however be on my gravestone when I'm back with the rest of my family in the cemetery!

I also hate the way that the press please themselves over how they use names. ‘Kate Middleton’, in particular, grates on me, and I think that it’s rude and insulting.

When I married, in 1963, it was the accepted thing to take your husband’s surname. It’s different now, and woman can choose whichever surname, and prefix, they choose.

One of my DD is married to a Peruvian. In Peru a child has a hyphenated surname. Mother’s, then father’s surname. My daughter chose to keep her simple English surname. Their daughter has just the first half of Dad’s surname. They all cope perfectly well.

When I got married my maiden name was 'put in a box and forgotten about' for want of a better way to put it!

That was your choice you didn’t have to Alio08

I prefer no title at all but if I have to then it’s Ms a fairly innocuous title that tells you nothing