Cremation that no-one attends

These adverts annoy me. Relentless plugging all day long during every ad break. My husband wondered if the funeral/cremation businesses are short of custom! I turn the sound off now especially when Debbie McGee comes on. This brainwashing seems to be working. Funerals and cremations are for the living. A chance to say goodbye and give the loved one a send off. This is good and necessary for those left behind, hard though is. It is not necessary to spend a fortune. I've noticed a lot of older people who I know, get very curmudgeonly about this topic especially when they get disillusioned with life. My mother has a funeral plan, so everything is paid for. Her only stipulation - no eulogy, just thanks to everyone who has helped her during her life.

I want all the pomp and glory at my finale but my husband doesn't want anything. However, I do think that one way or another we will celebrate his life. If not a funeral then a memorial event so we can remember him together. Funerals are really for those left behind.

DH and I want to be buried-didn’t know you could have direct burials?

My father in law chose to do this back over 20 years ago. As a family it was strange but we took our young children up to the crematorium later just to say goodbye.

I registered and paid for my funeral several years ago with
Pure Cremation.
There will be a celebration party afterwards,
several friends have done the same thing.
We all think it's much the nicer way for families.

My brother took over my mums funeral and changed a lot .He choose an expensive hotel and as she was 96 and had lived in a care home for years only a couple came all her friends had died .?It was a disaster just should have had a pub meal instead of wasting all that money .This is what I want

My dear sister-in-law who knew her death was imminent, chose a no guest cremation. She told me a couple of months beforehand about her decision. Her only child and his wife attended. I totally understood her decision and have now chosen the same for myself. The cost of a funeral wasn't the issue. I've attached a signed note (attached to my will) to ensure my family adhere to my wishes. All rather macabre ??‍♀️

This is quite normal in USA. Deceased is cremated/buried with no one in attendance. A wake of sorts/memorial is held about two weeks later for friends and family. A lot less expensive than traditional UK system.

Brilliant!

That sounds like a lovely tribute to your husband travelsafar. I remember your posts back in January and what a difficult time you endured. You’ve done so well to regain your strength and now to arrange a fitting tribute to your husband ?

This was used when my DH died in January. On reflection with the Covid pandemic it was the best thing. I was too poorly with the after effects of Covid myself and it would have been so difficult arranging a funeral at that time. Now i am better i am having a Memorial Gathering in a couple of weeks time. It will involve family and friends who wish to say a final goodbye, DH ashes are being interned into the local cemetery, then we shall gather back at my home for refreshments.......like it use to be done years ago...... there will be no acohol served just tea, coffee and soft drinks, with basically an afternoon tea. We will have a board with photos of him at various stages of his life and talk about him and his life, I am hopefully it will be a lovely time. I am expecting tears from some people but on the whole i dont want it to be too sad.

I have a policy like that all prepaid.My ashes are returned to my children with instructions where and what l want done with them.There is money to have a memorial lunch and drinks for family and friends at a later date.
Much better than a miserable service where nonone really wants be, but thats my opinion.

My parents had a unattended cremation, mum in 2002, dad in 2009. We then mixed the ashes and scattered then at a place they chose in the summer of 2011.
It all worked very well and DH and I have prepaid for the same.

When my dad died in 1974, my mum decided not to have a funeral. She hated them, particularly the hypocrisy of people who turn up even though they haven't seen the deceased for twenty years. The undertakers handled everything without any fuss.

I am thinking of pre-paying for direct cremation. I would like my family to remember me, maybe in the countryside, with a drink and a laugh. However, I have to discuss it with my DDs first, as they will be the ones involved.

Like me, DH hates any fuss and wants something very simple. However, he is afraid of upsetting his family, who are religious and hold enormous funerals. DH is an atheist with no belief in an afterlife, though he keeps his views to himself out of politeness when he is with them. We rarely see his family, although he talks occasionally to some of his siblings on the phone. I know that, when it's DH's time, they will expect a big religious funeral. Apart from the ceremonial aspect, they will want to keep up appearances.

I have told DH that I can't cope with that, if he goes before me. Apart from the stress, I know that he says that religious ceremonies are bullshit and priests are vultures, exploiting people's credulity. Also I couldn't do with the fact that everyone you ever met and their granny turns up. I couldn't go through all that and then have to feed all those people, many of them virtually unknown to me and my girls.

DH says that he doesn't want that, but I know he's thinking about the response of his very bossy brothers and sisters if he chooses direct cremation or, alternatively, a very small funeral for just a handful of people. I say that he will be past caring by then. If they want to have a separate religious ceremony for him, they can go ahead. Our girls and I could celebrate his memory in our own way, without the fuss and pressure of a huge funeral.

the simple cremation is what i intend to do, some of my family do not like this idea but my only son is happy with this because it is what i want. some others think it is selfish as family need time to say goodbye, i talked with my son and said on the day, go out for the day and have a laugh and a take away, something we do on a regular basis, i would rather my son and his family had a great day rather than sitting in a crematorium crying there eyes out as they see my coffin slip behind a curtain.

I will be very happy to never attend another funeral in my life.
I went to three very difficult funerals in 18 months.
I intend on leaving my body to science. If they don't want me (I'm fabulous, why wouldn't they ?) then a Direct Cremation suits me.
I saw what my daughter went through with her father's funeral (we hadn't been together for 20+ years and she was his only child) and I wouldn't want her to go through that for me.
I wouldn't be adverse to her and the remaining family and friends having a party in my name though ?

I have a friend that told me about this, even though I have seen the TV ads about the NO funeral plan. She has only one son and no other family, no close friends, she told me that she had thought of her son being the only attendant at her funeral and how sad that would make him. They discussed this No funeral idea, and both are agreed it is the sensible thing to do.
I also intend to do this as I only have a son and daughter, who live hundreds of miles from each other. The money it will save will go to them for a better use.
So many people who spend there lives saying they don't believe in God, and yet want church funerals and weddings. Purely as it is a tradition. My very spoilt, only child. Granddaughter, got married in a church, the whole of this affair cost £20,000. they had never been in a church in there lives, and have never been in one since. That's a lot of money just for tradition, its ridiculous. She wouldn't even entertain a Registrar wedding. This is the similar situation with funerals, costly just to show off/

My friends have paid for this and it spooked me out. People love you and want to pay their respects. I am so glad no one I love had one because I know you have to respect their wishes and I would but it would add to my grief.

It makes sense to use simply cremation which cost around £1,500 then have memory day and wake. My sisters funeral cost £7.500 which was a rip-off the bill included cost due to delays caused by Covid the funeral firm charged £100 per day “ storage of deceased” in the funeral directors fridge. 25 days @ £100 per day £2,500.
Disgraceful.

My husband and I decided this was what we wanted to do years ago as we both could not imagine seeing each other's coffin go away and we told the family we wanted them to take our ashes to our favourite holiday spot and have a holiday into the bargain so my husband's wishes were carried out 4 years ago some people think it's very cold and uncaring my family actually thanked me for not putting them through the heartache of a funeral

My husband and I have chosen this for our cremations whenever we do pass away. Funerals can be a crippling expense and I’ve told our children as long as they scatter our ashes at the place we have chosen, that will be fine by me. If the average funeral costs £7,000 I would sooner the children put that towards a lovely holiday rather than waste it on a service and wake just to say goodbye. The only folk that matter at the end of my life will see out my final wishes I know.

Friends of mine chose this for a relative for whom they were next of kin. And then they had a "party" to celebrate his life at a later date.
I guess what seemed strange to me was that they had no idea when the cremation would be until the actual day, basically an "it's this afternoon" phone call.

I think that due to Covid there is a growing trend for smaller simpler cremations where there is no family or very few present. It is less expensive and means that there is less fuss and fall out.

GoldenAge I’m heartened by your post. When I started reading it and saw that you are a psychotherapist with a specialism in bereavement I wondered if you were about to say it was important for those left behind to have a funeral ritual. It’s a point I had considered.

I’m becoming more interested in the idea as I read this thread. My grandchildren’s other grandmother died 2 years ago and it broke my heart to see how upsetting the funeral service was for them. I’m warming to the idea( excuse the pun) of a solo cremation while the family are elsewhere having a nice meal together. Then at a later date they can scatter the ashes when it’s less raw for the family.

A friend of ours lost his father who lived in Germany. Before our friend could get to Germany his sister had their father cremated. It caused a lit of heartache.