Cremation that no-one attends

David Bowie chose a no-frills direct cremation for personal reasons. But his decision reportedly boosted direct cremation by up to 400% in the months following his death.

I have also chosen this, as has my husband. We would much rather my children have the thousands of pounds to do what they want with, (maybe a holiday) than line the pockets of some random undertaking firm! Funerals are dire occasions and no way do I want to put my remaining family through that rigmarole! We have requested that our ashes are scattered together somewhere, so whoever goes first will have to wait in an urn! We just haven't decided where yet! We feel quite strongly about this and my children are happy to go along with our wishes

Forgot to mention that I have chosen a private cremation and the ashes will be brought back to my family and they will scatter them over a pond where I live and where my husband's ashes are scattered.

My mum passed away in May aged 90 and always said that she didn’t want any fuss when passed away. No one getting drunk in the pub afterwards or people turning up that she hadn’t seen for years. I was her only surviving child and all her siblings had already passed away so I did as she asked and arranged a cremation without a service. I did go to the crematorium and placed flowers on her coffin. Two of her great grandchildren turned up and that was it. I feel I carried out her wishes and remember her in my own way every day.

Spice101. This is exactly what I have chosen to do. I have paid for a cremation partly because I didn't want my family to have to pay thousands . This is a company which charges a minimal sum of £1,400 . I have told my family to have a get together and celebrate my life with a meal and laughter. I do not want anyone crying in particular my grandchildren . I want them to remember me with love and laughter and celebrate the happiness that they and all my family gave me .

I could accept this ‘no one at the funeral’ when the individual plans this themselves. When family arrange this, I feel sad. Every life is of value.
When some say, I won’t be there, so I don’t care - how selfish not to have put something in place to alleviate pressure of the ones left behind.

Athenia, I've chosen an unaccompanied cremation - and pre-paid for it too. My ashes will be taken to my daughter.

My family are welcome to have a party, get-together - or memorial service, though. They can arrange whatever they want, I just don't want my dead body there!

I've always found funerals so awkward and fake. A minister (or celebrant) asks family all about the person - then tells them (which is ridiculous) - leaving out anything too interesting or negative, of course!

With regard to donating your body to medical science it’s important to have a plan B. The final decision on whether a body is accepted is made at the time of death.

Several factors are taken into consideration such as types of illness, surgeries performed etc. Or quite simply the university anatomy dept may already have reached their quota for the year.

I think the loved ones would benefit from a small cremation service. There are just a few of them, not to include the wider family or extra people. Then they could have a lovely tea and scones somewhere nice and quiet. Just simple but at least a chance for them to say goodbye. What to do with my ashes is the big question, and I really can't decide. I'd really like a headstone because I think it's nice for people to have somewhere to visit, but have no idea where.

It’s a tricky subject isn’t it and every situation is different. I find it helpful to attend the cremation of close family and friends and be part of a uniting grieving process, where it in ok to shed a tear as we say our shared goodbyes. I really struggled with missing the cremation of a close friend at the beginning of the first lockdown - her death was not COVID a related but obviously all funerals were effected. Her children kindly sent me info re the music they were having and readings so I could share from afar. It was the bagpipes that got to me!

My DS fil requested this a few years ago when he was terminally ill. I thought it odd at the time but I dont now. He didnt want any fuss said they hadnt to waste money on a funeral service but after he died my dil said she was going to the crematorium regardless. He was a lovely guy with lots of friends and relatives but they honoured his wishes. Since then its become more and more common. There was a direct burial in the local cemetery the other week, no church service just a few words spoken by family around the grave.

The idea of simple cremation looks great to me!

I've prepaid for my cremation funeral, and although the hearse and one car has been paid for I shall be telling my children not to bother going along unless they need to for their grieving process. My parents were both cremated, with a service at the crematorium, but we never got the ashes back, didn't feel the need to personally scatter them. They were scattered by a worker from the crematorium in the garden of remembrance. My children can decide what happens to my ashes, I shan't care.

If I outlive my DH, I am having a no one present cremation as I am familyless. At least it keep everything simple.

That last sentence reads as though pure cremation is not for me but it shouldn’t,it’s meant to say that it’s definitely for me!!

Mine is already decided, and paid for,Pure cremation, ashes return to the family and when they ready be that the next day,the next month or the next year they will scatter them at the beach that I frequented a lot as a child and then on the way home I want them to have a slap up meal and raise a few glasses to me ??that is far more personal than standing in a gloomy crematorium as far as l am concerned…I have been to a lot of funerals and people turn up to the funeral who the deceased has not seen or heard of for years… I find that particularly upsetting…Just coming to have a nose, see who’s wearing what and who provided the best Bouquet/wreath.. obviously not all funerals are like that but as a care home worker for many years I have attended many funerals to pay my respects… have also had heard some not so nice comments made about the deceased.. so not for me a pure and simple cremation..

My grandmother wanted to donate her body for science but they didn't want it. It's not as simple as it sounds.

merylstreep I’m sure they will welcome you with open arms!
Apparently though if you have any ‘bits’ removed ie a kidney or whatever they don’t want you.
PippaZ MIL had prepaid for a ‘proper’ funeral, we had a direct funeral but no refund was given.

Which made his death even sadder but it was what he wanted and I actually rather like his idea for me .

I think David Bowie did something like this ?

Pittcity

I'm with Rosie in that I want my next of kin to decide what they want to do with me. I won't be there.

That would be more difficult if you pre-pay for your funeral. Then the company would be obliged to do what you had laid out.

There are quite a few companies doing this. I have looked at the one mentioned above. It just separates the "personal farewell" from the cremation. It's what I would like to do and my children don't seem to have any problems with it.

Oopsadaisy
Do you mean if the university doesn’t want my body ( bloody cheek if they don’t ?)
I’ll leave that to the family. They know my views on expensive funerals. ?

I'm with Rosie in that I want my next of kin to decide what they want to do with me. I won't be there.

I have been to several funerals where the remains have gone to the crematorium without family or friends and even one where the deceased was cremated in the morning and the service was in the afternoon!
I think that the "simple cremations" companies that currently advertis on TV work on that principle that the remains are collected, cremated and the ashes returned to the family .
The family can still decide if they would like to hold a religious service or just a wake - the deceased, I think , has already gone so sadly will not be able to enjoy whatever is decided, it is more for the family and friends left behind

merylstreep do you have a back up plan is case your body is not accepted?