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Toddler Only Wants To Wee In Garden

(88 Posts)
Naninka Thu 12-Aug-21 23:56:37

My daughter-in-law is becoming very anxious about her son (my DGS) because he won't use the potty or toilet. However, he is completely dry, including nights.
So where does he wee? In their garden, in my garden, behind a bush, anywhere outdoors.
He holds a number 2 for his own garden but does likes to see it flushed down the loo by his mummy or daddy.
We have tried everything we can think of!
It's so frustrating and is holding him back from us taking him places like soft play, farm park, etc.
Any suggestions, oh wise ones?
I'm particularly interested to know if anyone else has experienced this with a toddler and how they overcame it.

Theoddbird Fri 13-Aug-21 11:29:50

Making a big deal about this makes the child see that he has some control over his parents. Try to ignore it. When the child does not get a reaction he will stop...

Willow68 Fri 13-Aug-21 11:29:16

Maybe a bit deep, but going back to frued toddlers hold their pooh as a way of controlling adults, it’s the first thing they find tbat they can have control over… just go to the farm go out etc many may not agree with me but the theory is proven and maybe take a look at it , good luck whatever you do x

Whitewavemark2 Fri 13-Aug-21 11:26:41

He won’t be doing it when he is 20?. Relax it is just a phase.

Gwenisgreat1 Fri 13-Aug-21 11:25:03

I’m sure as soon as he mixes with other children at nursery he will get the message!

grandtanteJE65 Fri 13-Aug-21 11:24:23

For goodness sake: Stop making a fuss about this.

We have been told the child is a toddler, so presumably he is still not two.

Let him wee where he wants to for the rest of the summer and don't comment on it.

When the weather gets colder it will be a good time to re-introduce the topic of weeing in the toilet or in a potty.

Above all the child's mother must not show that she is worried about this, as the child will pick up on his mother's anxiety and things will get worse, as he cannot at his age understand what is worrying her.

Yes, we were potty trained at eighteen months or two years and so were our children, but the trend today is towards late potty training - too late in my opinion, but I have learned to hold my tongue.

I don't know if Freud was right about severe potty training leading to mental disorders, but I do know that the more fuss you make about bed-wetting, weeing outdoors or not eating properly with a two year old the worse it will become.

GraceQuirrel Fri 13-Aug-21 11:16:31

eazybee

Lock the doors to the garden.
After this child has urinated on the carpets a few times I expect his mother will discover ways of persuading him use the lavatory.

Just what I was thinking.

GagaJo Fri 13-Aug-21 11:02:45

Not a part, a PARK!

GagaJo Fri 13-Aug-21 11:02:04

Alegrias1

There's a thread going on where people are questioning why I don't think children should automatically get invited to weddings. I think I'm vindicated. wink

I agree Alegrias1, and I adore my outside peeing grandson. Absolute apple of my eye, BUT I can see that at times he's a monster and would not be welcome at someone's wedding.

In relation to the topic, the ABSOLUTE worst and the event that instigated a very strong talking to with DGS was when he was at a part, happily playing on the climbing frame, pulled his shorts down and yelled 'I need a wee!' (likes to announce it) and yanked his pants down. I ricocheted over (didn't know I could move that fast) yelling 'Noooooooooooooo.' Fortunately I got there in time and yanked him down and over to a bush. LONG talk about where it is OK and not OK to wee.

He's much better now. He always asks if we're out now so we can find the nearest loo.

lemongrove Fri 13-Aug-21 11:01:25

I don’t take anything to heart on forums ( that way lies madness)?
Just my opinion....on an opinions thread.

Alegrias1 Fri 13-Aug-21 10:51:07

OK. You're right and I'm wrong. hmm

It's a lighthearted comment Lemongrove. Really, don't take it to heart.

lemongrove Fri 13-Aug-21 10:46:32

Alegrias1

There's a thread going on where people are questioning why I don't think children should automatically get invited to weddings. I think I'm vindicated. wink

No, you aren’t.
Most people think that children are a joy and enrich our lives.
A few think they are nothing more than inconvenient nuisances.I think that’s a miserable point of view although they are entitled to their opinion.

Peasblossom Fri 13-Aug-21 09:58:15

I thought that too Alegrias but didn’t dare to post it?

timetogo2016 Fri 13-Aug-21 09:30:40

Spot on Bluebellwould.
I had the same with one of my sons and dh did exactly that,worked a treat.

luluaugust Fri 13-Aug-21 09:25:44

Unfortunately for us one of our lovely small GS decided the emergency was in the middle of the lawn at a NT property! I agree with accompanying Dad to the loo and the target sounds a fun idea.

Sago Fri 13-Aug-21 09:21:50

Put a ping pong ball in the loo and get him to take aim, offer a prize when he hits it!
For no 2 get a toilet flush that plays a fanfare when he presses the button.

Eviebeanz Fri 13-Aug-21 09:16:11

Lolz at Alegrias-I hear you

Eviebeanz Fri 13-Aug-21 09:14:53

I second the idea of the target stuck to the pan. Has something happened to make him not like the toilet. Might be worth seeing if he will use the potty outside. That might give an idea of where the issue lies.

Alegrias1 Fri 13-Aug-21 09:13:27

There's a thread going on where people are questioning why I don't think children should automatically get invited to weddings. I think I'm vindicated. wink

Elegran Fri 13-Aug-21 09:09:27

As a temporary measure, tell him that you have just cleaned the garden today and don't want it to get smelly. Put his potty outside to use, where the neighbours can't see it, and get him to bring it inside to empty it into the toilet and flush it down. Meanwhile, get an adult male relation to let him watch them use the loo standing. Then combine the two lessons and suggest doing it straight down the toilet and missing out the potty altogether.

If you and his mother both work on this, you will succeed.

lemongrove Fri 13-Aug-21 08:54:32

Some children enjoy the al fresco aspect of this, others absolutely hate the idea, children are just different.
They need to be taught it’s just for emergencies though, otherwise they must use the toilet.Lazy parenting otherwise.

eazybee Fri 13-Aug-21 08:31:47

Lock the doors to the garden.
After this child has urinated on the carpets a few times I expect his mother will discover ways of persuading him use the lavatory.

lemsip Fri 13-Aug-21 08:08:39

I recall a thread on this very subject only a short time ago strangely.

Shelbel Fri 13-Aug-21 07:58:15

They used to make targets you could put in the loo, stuck on. That might be an incentive. I would say that they need to discourage this and give Incentives for him to use the loo. As he does poos outside too then it's rather unsavoury tbh. I wonder what happens at nursery/pre-school? Is he using the toilet there?

Lincslass Fri 13-Aug-21 07:33:26

Naninka

My daughter-in-law is becoming very anxious about her son (my DGS) because he won't use the potty or toilet. However, he is completely dry, including nights.
So where does he wee? In their garden, in my garden, behind a bush, anywhere outdoors.
He holds a number 2 for his own garden but does likes to see it flushed down the loo by his mummy or daddy.
We have tried everything we can think of!
It's so frustrating and is holding him back from us taking him places like soft play, farm park, etc.
Any suggestions, oh wise ones?
I'm particularly interested to know if anyone else has experienced this with a toddler and how they overcame it.

No never had any problems with son or daughters peeing in the toilet, or potty, accidents yes, otherwise always encouraged and shown how to use the toilet. The water coming down to flush was always a waterfall, children can be taught with patience, and games, trying to find out why he won’t use the loo may be helpful.

Lincslass Fri 13-Aug-21 07:28:40

tiredoldwoman

My wee grandboy likes to pee in a jar ! He's frightened of the toilet so I leave a jar out - he also likes to pee outside ! They're all delightfully different aren't they ?

That is going to go down well as an adult!!! Children can be encouraged and the toilet can be shown to be a good place for peeing in. For goodness sake too much let him does as he likes. It seems only nowadays children are allowed to be indulged with whatever takes their fancy, and never shown or encouraged to do things properly. Laziness on the part of the adults looking after them. As someone said the other day, oh she’s still in nappies, at 4, potty training is too hard. You are not doing the child any favours here.