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New date concerns

(32 Posts)
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faringdon59 Sun 26-Sept-21 10:37:11

Been online dating for a while.
Mostly just one date and sometimes getting to date two. But no relationship for 8 years. I'm 66, the past 18 months with reduced contact socially has taken its toll as well.
Recently met someone who is 12 years younger and has put me out of my comfort zone in every way.
Complete opposites looks wise background wise; he's a sharp city person, I'm a village/small town girl.
On both dates he has talked about us going out for days, going on holidays together, which all sounds a bit risky to me.
He likes a drink most days and I'm virtually teetotal.
Went on second date this week, I feel nervous when I meet him and I get overwhelmed by my concerns when my 'sensible' head kicks in.
But really enjoy his company when I'm with him.
My gut tells me he could unravel my comfortable life.
So other than the gut feeling, can the grans advise as to what checks they would do in a new relationship like this?

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User7777 Sun 26-Sept-21 17:30:46

I think you are very brave. Dating online or dating in the dark as I call it. I am too comfortable to even try dating. I use my time raising funds for the village. Maybe I am just happy in my own company. The above posters are all correct. Look out for the red flags

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Grammaretto Sun 26-Sept-21 17:44:35

If you are having fun can't you continue to have fun?
You don't need to go away together unless you want to.
Meals out, concerts, cinema, a trip to another town for the day. All the kinds of things those without a partner, miss.
Be open with him. Tell him you aren't ready for a full on relationship.

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NotSpaghetti Sun 26-Sept-21 18:01:14

Beware of the alcohol - "he likes a drink most days" may mean exactly what it says, or not.

How long have you been chatting before your 2 dates?

What do you mean opposites "looks wise"?

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faringdon59 Mon 27-Sept-21 10:30:49

Big thanks to everyone who posted to this thread yesterday.
Last night I had a phone conversation with this man and explained that it just didn't feel right on quite a few levels.
I really struggled with actually saying out loud that I didn't want to see him again.
In fact I think if it continued I would definitely fall for him.
There was a vulnerability and complexity that seemed to draw me in. Even more worrying was that his personality reminded me of someone I had fallen for 20 years ago.
I now recognise this, but had the most dreadful nights sleep trying to rationalise it in my head.
Possibly the fact that I'm recently retired means that I have lost my daytime structure a bit and have more time to dwell on things.
But thanks to all, as reading the posts helped me to make the decision yesterday and space, plus disengagement, is what is needed.

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DiscoDancer1975 Mon 27-Sept-21 11:08:45

Bless you, that must have been hard, but I think you right FWIW.

Plenty more people out there, you only need one to click with?

Good luck

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BlueBelle Mon 27-Sept-21 11:21:29

Personally I think you have done exactly the right thing the fact that you were out of your comfort zone on so many levels is massive The fact that so soon in the relationship (or meeting) you already knew he drinks every day means he must have brought that up and that would have my stomach telling me to watch out
I think you were very brave to be so definite in your mind, knowing me I would have gone on and on and regretted it Well done strong lady

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