Grandchild wont go to school

it's not actually necessary to go to school in order to achieve in life.
there are other avenues to learning and development.

I am so sorry to read this! It is so difficult because you are not the parent and can't make this better. This girl sounds very much like my oldest granddaughter. She often refuses to go to school as well. She is finally going to therapy. My DIL is also finally going to therapy. In my GD's case, I believe it is a power struggle about who is in charge of decision making in her life, depression and extreme anxiety about school and the more she misses, the more disconnected she feels. A couple times she ran off into the woods to avoid going in. My DIL has allowed her to miss school when she is mildly sick, on her period, or other excuses. Her general health is not that good and sometimes she has real reasons to miss. All those missed days add up to her being behind on her academics. I think with everyone on board, and little steps, there may be improvement. I am thinking tutoring might help and continuing the therapy. Good luck!

That's very possible M0nica

I think the OP was flailing around obsessively on her computer posting on every site she could find where she could ask for help. Probably by morning she could not remember all the sites she had posted on.

If you are at the end of your tether, as she clearly was, you do all kinds of things, to get help.

Or, it’s made up nonsense like other posts I’ve seen during the time I’ve been on Gransnet!

Well as often happens, original poster has thrown a time bomb into the ring and left us all to chew over it ?
Unless you come back jappa we ll have to conclude this isn’t really a question you want an answer to

Daisy79

Am I reading incorrectly that your adult daughter told social services she was going to kill herself and her child? Or was that your granddaughter?

Another time she phoned social services after she had been physically and verbally abused by my grandaughter that she was at the end of her tether and told ss that she was going to kill her daughter and herself, ss said well theres nothing I can do now as it's the weekend

Daughter threatened to kill herself and the child and the social worker said there was nothing she could do as it was the weekend.

Sorry, but I find that hardly credible.

A strange post. So many people asking how old is the child and still no answer. I came on this thread as I myself would run home as soon as the bell went in primary school.

Am I reading incorrectly that your adult daughter told social services she was going to kill herself and her child? Or was that your granddaughter?

How old is the child? Has she been evaluated for PANDAS, which can have a very sudden onset? Did she have any illnesses or a sore throat in the past several weeks?

I don’t think we can be any more help unless Jappa1 comes back to tell us at least the child’s age
She sounds a very, very troubled soul
What does she do with herself all day if she doesn’t go to school ?
Does she have friends? is she socially able ?
Could she be on the autistic spectrum?
Has she always been school phobic ? Or is it a new thing
Has she had any trauma in her life (Seeing her mum have seizures could be very frightening)

What part does her father play in her upbringing ? Is he living with them as you said you lived there to help it doesn’t sound as if he does ?
Are you a new poster Jappa1 ?
On a lighter note you, are lucky that the police came to talk to her about going to school they won’t even come out for a break in here
I hope you return with more info

eazybee there usually are.

I think Jappal was hoping for an instant solution and there isn't one. This situation is complex and I find it very hard to believe that the social services'response was so dismissive, particularly as they appear to be already involved, unless there are other issues which have not been revealed.

Where is Jappal then? Too many unknowns - and the question of 'how to get a child to go to school' isn't appropriate really. You may be able to get them there, but how would you make them stay?

I do wonder whether she's scared to leave her mother alone - despite her behaviour making things worse?

Without knowing her age it is difficult to advise, but if she is doing real damage to her parents when she attacks them and is trying to cause her mother to have seizures, then it suggests a child in secondary school.

If my assumption is right, I am with Germanshepherdsmum. I think the child needs to be taken into care for a short period while the problem is addresses. The child needs to see a child psychologist and the whole family may need help.

A very complex situation , your daughters seizures may have a part to play , this may be the root of your GDs school refusal. Your GD may not be aware of this but is it with considering? Autism or ADHD also springs to mind. Is your daughter able to access an educational psychologist? Clearly this is causing your daughter and you a huge amount of stress. I don't imagine your GD is too happy either!
On a lighter note would it be insensitive of me to suggest a different School? Or perhaps rather than ask if there is anything bothering her why not ask more direct questions ie , " are you bring bullied? - are you afraid of something bad happening at home while you are in school? - are you afraid of a teacher? - are you finding school work too difficult? These questions may promt GD to open up. I really feel for all of you and hope this will be resolved . Would be beneficial if your daughter could speak to her GP. This is more than a stroppy child and must be addressed . Good luck .

I meant "OR a pupil"

It is possible that your grandchild has been sexually assaulted at school, either by a teacher of a pupil, and threatened into silence about it? Her behaviour would be a fairly typical reaction to such a traumatic event, and if it's the case she will need specialist counselling.

btw, your Social Services department's response is so far from acceptable (you wrote " Another time she phoned social services after she had been physically and verbally abused by my grandaughter that she was at the end of her tether and told ss that she was going to kill her daughter and herself, ss said well theres nothing I can do now as it's the weekend") that I strongly advise you to make a formal written complaint to the Director of Social Work in the relevant local authority - Citizens Advice could help you with that if you feel unequal to the task on your own.

Every Social Work department must have an out-of-hours standby service to cover situations just like this, and any social worker who reacted as you state, needs to be instantly dismissed.

I'm a retired SW myself, and I can't for the life of me understand why your Granddaughter has not been admitted to a Children's Unit in a psychiatric setting when things are as bad as you've described. She, and indeed the whole family including yourself, desperately need support. Please write to your MP as well as the Director. I found, when I was working, that an MP's interaction got a lot of attention.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Germanshepherdsmum

No Callistemon, that’s not what I meant at all.

It was just an unfortunate choice of words, then.

It is hard to help without knowing the age of the child.

lemsip

until Jappal returns and gives an age it is difficult to advise.

It is really; she could be a frightened 7 year old or a stroppy and moody 14 year old.

Either age, I still think a psychological referral could be the best way as all else seems to have failed.

I wonder what her behaviour was like during lockdown? Has this had an impact?

Santana

I'm so sorry for the situation that you are in Jappa1
We are going through similar, but not the same, school problems with my grandson who is nearly 15.
The school said that it is the families legal responsibility to get the child to school, not their truant officer. School are generally being helpful.
Social Services ineffective and family liaison officer is nowhere to be seen. CAMHs in our area has a huge waiting list, and can't access a psychologist. So we spin in circles as you know.
We looked at a private psychologist but hugely expensive and waiting list again.
Our last hope is to try a hypnotherapist and first visit is in a couple of days. She works a lot with teens and concentrates on coping mechanisms with relaxation techniques rather than all hypnotherapy. She is registered and recommended by the local hypnotherapy centre.
Whether this works or not is unknown, but run out of options.

Many years ago I had this problem with a DS. He was dyslexic, was being bullied and threatened and refused to go to school. He dropped out at about 14, thankfully he developed a passion for photography and started an FEcollege course at about 16 later got some qualifications and went to Uni. So don't despair. Look around the area for places he might attend or courses he might enjoy.

until Jappal returns and gives an age it is difficult to advise.

How old is she?

There has to be a reason why she doesnt want to go. She is not just acting up just because.
She is in as much pain as their parents with these events.

The more people force her to go, the more she will defend herself - aka attack

A psychologist is urgently needed to evaluate the situation
Her mother's health could also have an impact here.

Meanwhile, could other arrangements be made for schooling?
Online, tutor, etc.

Presumably your granddaughter did go to school at some point in her life so what was her behaviour like in school and can the school pin point any issue which might have triggered this behaviour? A very worrying situation for all concerned and I am very surprised that no help from social services etc is forthcoming.