Grandchild wont go to school

Hope I'm on the right page

Sounds heartbreaking. How old is she? No advice apart from CAMHS referral request. 3 weeks isn't long so something must be bothering her that has happened or has the whole thing been going on for longer?

I sympathise. How old is your granddaughter? One of my 6 years old GCs throws tantrums for no apparent reason and does hit and kick. This happens on a regular basis and my daughter is suffering great stress.

I have no advice to offer, I’m afraid but my heart goes out to you all. I hope someone else will be able to help.

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I have no idea how to help but didn’t want to read and run. You haven’t mentioned how old your granddaughter is. Is there any chance she could have trouble coping with school?

How old is this child? I hate to say this but it seems to me she should be taken into the care system. A sort of secure boarding school like the old approved schools if such things exist, where she could receive appropriate treatment and education. Can SS be asked to remove her from the family home for the sake of everyone’s wellbeing including her own? If she doesn’t receive treatment she will end up causing someone serious injury or worse - and she must receive education if she is to have any sort of future.

If physical problems have been ruled out, your granddaughter and family need to be referred to a Family Psychology service as something is seriously wrong and disturbing her whether at home or school.
I don't know what waiting lists are like where you are but the GP or school should make an urgent referral.

I hope you get the help you all need.

The people who have been involved up to now are family liaison officer, social services, doctor, police, truant officer and teachers
I'm surprised they haven't referred her already - sounds as if they are all passing the problem from one to another.

Oh my goodness that’s a very hard response Germanshepherd are you living in Victorian times ? Just send her up the chimney !

First.y how old is this troubled child ?
Secondly has she been like it since day 1 or is it a newer thing ?
Does she play with other children have friends etc ?
Has she had some big traumas in her life ? is she an only child? If not how does she get on with her siblings ? does she have any diagnosis? There are so many questions before advice or help can be suggested

Exactly right Bluebelle

She sounds very much like my friend’s granddaughter. She is 14 now, but they’ve had years of this type of behaviour. She has been diagnosed with severe autism, but apparently it has to be formalised before she can get the full benefit of help. It’s been five years already.

She takes a multitude of tablets, mainly for sleep, which she just doesn’t do. My friend and her daughter have just this week, talked to our MP, who has been very helpful. Social Services have been about as much help as a chocolate teapot!

It’s a real struggle. I don’t know how old your granddaughter is, but my friend has been told it will settle down once she’s been through puberty, which also hasn’t helped.

Much more than that, I don’t know what to suggest. I’d be inclined to take the easiest pathway at the moment, and if that means she stays at home for now, perhaps that’s what she has to do, for the benefit of everything and everyone else.

At least you know you’re not alone. All the best.

I don't think Germanshepherd's response was meant to be hard. She expressed concerns for the child and her family. I think she is trying to be helpful in suggesting residential care to facilitate treatment and education. The use of the words approved school is rather unfortunate I agree.

I agree, Aldom. Germanshepherd's response is sensible and pragmatic.

As we don't know the whole family situation it is hard to give advice. Nor do we know how long this has gone on for.

She may genuinely be scared (school phobia). In which case a period of time when she knows she doesn't have to attend school, sometimes allows the child to calm down enough to have a sensible conversation about it. She may be worried about mum's health and acting out is her way of showing it.
She may just be a stubborn little teenager wanting her own way.

Parents need to meet with the school and get some kind of plan put in place as their daughter sounds terribly unhappy, and the whole family is being affected.

Thanks Aldom and Eazybee. As so many people have already been involved I just felt that clearly the child (age unknown) has issues which need to be treated before things get even worse and perhaps this is better achieved outside the family setting, especially as she knows how to cause her mum to have seizures (which can be life-threatening, I know as I have epilepsy) and apparently where to hurt her dad for maximum effect. It’s a matter of last resort but the agencies already involved appear to be achieving nothing. Maybe approaching the GP will help to get the right treatment for this child, and some peace for all concerned. I don’t think OP has mentioned the involvement of the GP but this seems to me (and I have neither medical training nor experience of such a situation) to be above all a medical issue.

She sounds desperately unhappy and school is just one of her problems. You do say she is lovely when she is in a good mood so could you build on that? Try to see what makes her happy and introduce more time doing those things. How important is school to her? Perhaps if she is permitted to stay home and given school work to do at home she will feel better. There also seems to be a problem with her mum's health, how much has this upset her?
It is commonlly assumed that children who don't go to school fail but it is perfectly possible to learn at home, and no child who is emotionally fragile will learn much in school anyway. If she is a teenager the hormones will be all over the place as well. Take her to your GP and get her checked for PMT.
Above all remember that somewhere in there is the little girl you have always loved, she just needs a chance to come out.

I'm so sorry for the situation that you are in Jappa1
We are going through similar, but not the same, school problems with my grandson who is nearly 15.
The school said that it is the families legal responsibility to get the child to school, not their truant officer. School are generally being helpful.
Social Services ineffective and family liaison officer is nowhere to be seen. CAMHs in our area has a huge waiting list, and can't access a psychologist. So we spin in circles as you know.
We looked at a private psychologist but hugely expensive and waiting list again.
Our last hope is to try a hypnotherapist and first visit is in a couple of days. She works a lot with teens and concentrates on coping mechanisms with relaxation techniques rather than all hypnotherapy. She is registered and recommended by the local hypnotherapy centre.
Whether this works or not is unknown, but run out of options.

A sort of secure boarding school like the old approved schools if such things exist, where she could receive appropriate treatment and education.
Where she could spend her life with other pupils sent there by the courts for committing criminal offences.

As so many people have already been involved I just felt that clearly the child (age unknown) has issues which need to be treated before things get even worse and perhaps this is better achieved outside the family setting

What many people do not understand is that it is not just the child who needs help, it is the parents too. As well as the child receiving the treatment she clearly needs, the parents need to learn how to cope with her behaviour with the guidance of the professionals.
Her behaviour may be a reaction to family circumstances and reactions, which, with help, can be modified. She may be frightened of her mother's illness and unable to cope with her feelings.
It may, of course, be something which is worrying her at school which needs to be sorted out, or even both.

DiscoDancer good points.
I hope your friend's DGD gets the help she needs, that is a long time to wait.

The situation sounds extremely stressful,for both the child and the parents.
Three weeks might seem like a long time, but some children have refused school for much longer periods.
Do you have any family members or friends the girl might be able to talk to, and say what is worrying her?
Is it lessons, bullying, or just being in a social group that scares her?
As others have said, home education could be a possibility. There are many forums on the subject.
I'm sorry you are going through this.

No Callistemon, that’s not what I meant at all.

Presumably your granddaughter did go to school at some point in her life so what was her behaviour like in school and can the school pin point any issue which might have triggered this behaviour? A very worrying situation for all concerned and I am very surprised that no help from social services etc is forthcoming.

How old is she?

There has to be a reason why she doesnt want to go. She is not just acting up just because.
She is in as much pain as their parents with these events.

The more people force her to go, the more she will defend herself - aka attack

A psychologist is urgently needed to evaluate the situation
Her mother's health could also have an impact here.

Meanwhile, could other arrangements be made for schooling?
Online, tutor, etc.

until Jappal returns and gives an age it is difficult to advise.

Santana

I'm so sorry for the situation that you are in Jappa1
We are going through similar, but not the same, school problems with my grandson who is nearly 15.
The school said that it is the families legal responsibility to get the child to school, not their truant officer. School are generally being helpful.
Social Services ineffective and family liaison officer is nowhere to be seen. CAMHs in our area has a huge waiting list, and can't access a psychologist. So we spin in circles as you know.
We looked at a private psychologist but hugely expensive and waiting list again.
Our last hope is to try a hypnotherapist and first visit is in a couple of days. She works a lot with teens and concentrates on coping mechanisms with relaxation techniques rather than all hypnotherapy. She is registered and recommended by the local hypnotherapy centre.
Whether this works or not is unknown, but run out of options.

Many years ago I had this problem with a DS. He was dyslexic, was being bullied and threatened and refused to go to school. He dropped out at about 14, thankfully he developed a passion for photography and started an FEcollege course at about 16 later got some qualifications and went to Uni. So don't despair. Look around the area for places he might attend or courses he might enjoy.