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Grandparent support

(32 Posts)
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Gigi1975 Sun 24-Oct-21 21:26:28

I couldn’t think where to ask this so thought it might be an idea to put it here. I have two children, 6 and 4. I found the early days of motherhood difficult and struggled with my mental health. Now my children are a bit older I am moving on from that but I do often find motherhood hard (as I know many people do). And really since my children were born I’ve longed for more help from my mum. She’s always helped as much as she can or certainly as much as she wants to. I’ve never felt like I’ve asked for too much. She lives over 2 hours drive away and we only catch up every few months. I recently asked her to help for an event I wanted to go to and she said “no. She’s getting older now and doesn’t feel she could cope” The rational part of my brain says “ok she’s told me clearly how she feels and I need to accept that” but for some reason I feel so rejected by this. I think it might be because I recently asked another family member for some help so I could attend a funeral and they said they could at an absolute push but not very convenient. I am suddenly feeling so alone and unsupported. So often you see instances where your told as a mum, ask for help if you need it and then when I have it’s felt like a closed door. I don’t know what I’m asking on here really but I think I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.

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VioletSky Tue 26-Oct-21 00:05:46

Gigil Have you tried talking to her about this? Dues she know that you feel a few times a year isn't really often enough? Was she supportive before and it has changed or has she never really been emotionally or physically supportive?

We can't force people to be as involved with us as we would like but your feelings are valid. Feeling rejected isn't happening without reason here. She has a right to live as she wishes and you have a right to be disappointed

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Sago Tue 26-Oct-21 09:12:11

We have just returned from a weekend at our daughters, we baby sat the children 1&7 from 2pm on Sunday until 10.30pm.
We loved every minute.

Due to COVID we have not bonded with the baby as much as we did with his sister, she would come and stay with us for up to a week at a time from being just a few months old so it was lovely to have sole charge of them both for a few hours.

Among our friends we are probably two of the most hands on grandparents, our daughter lives over 2 hours away but we are always happy to go and help.

I am 58 and my husband 65, thankfully we are both fit.

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Smileless2012 Tue 26-Oct-21 09:25:14

Everyone's different aren't they. My mum rarely had our boys while my m.i.l. was very hands on with baby sitting, days out and over night stays.

Had I been given the opportunity to do so, I'd have loved to have been the type of GM my m.i.l. was, but as I've said, we're all different. I certainly never thought my mum was lacking when it came to supporting me just because she didn't want to be a hands on GM.

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MissAdventure Tue 26-Oct-21 09:45:44

I wasn't the hands on type of granny (how that has come up to bite me in the bum!)
Children just don't appeal to me that much, particularly when I was working in a very challenging environment.
I relished my peaceful days off.
I'd rather look after a cat.

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Norah Thu 28-Oct-21 13:58:44

I did "hands on" with my children, no need to repeat with GC.

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Germanshepherdsmum Thu 28-Oct-21 14:35:57

MissAdventure, are you my long lost twin?!?

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