Should you serve alcohol at an event when there is an alcoholic present?

We enjoy Seedlip, both herby and spicy sorts, in preference to an alcoholic drink these days. DH drinks it with Feverfew tonic, but I drink it with soda water as I find the tonics too sweet. They also do ready mixed cans. Seedlip also sent us a sample of Nogroni with one order, as a Negroni cocktail alcohol free substitute, but even I found that too dry (as in bitter). Since then, the nearest supermarket has started stocking them. We live in the back of beyond, and any visitors have to have a driver, so have accommodated them for years with non-alcoholic drinks.

You should serve alcohol, otherwise, it will draw more, unwanted attention to the recovering alcoholic. They have to learn to live, and cope around 'normal' events, and occasions, where drink is served, not the other way round.

I'd go with serving alcohol with plenty of non alcoholic alternatives, also greatly appreciated by any drivers.
DH has a friend who is an alcoholic but now 'dry' for over 12 years. He works in the garden of the pub where he and DH meet for cards every week: they both have soft drinks, DH because he is driving.
Congratulations, Shinamae - I totally endorse what you say.

I would serve alcohol for the simple reason that alcoholism is just one of a range of addictions that the recovering addict must develop the coping strategies to deal with. Would you remove chocolate cakes or biscuits from a buffet that you were asking someone on a serious diet to attend? The fact that your family member is in recovery suggests that s/he already has some resilience and to be considered as a lame duck requiring a change to an entire event for him/her would damage the self-esteem that is developing with the resilience. You can provide an alcohol free fizz anyway for your family member.

We stopped serving alcohol when my sister was first in recovery but realised that when she was out with friends they all drank wine so now we just provide non-alcoholic drinks for her and anyone else who chooses. We also realised that, at first, she was hiding alcohol in her bag and drinking in the loo!

Really depends on what would happen if this person was not a guest. If it's a group who'd routinely consume alcohol - do that, but with other nice drinks too. If you can have the event with no alcohol and no-one remark on it - then do that.

My DS who is 10 years sober would be totally upset if no alcohol was served on account of him. This has been the case since the very beginning of his sobriety. Based on my experience with others, I think most recovering alcoholics and addicts feel this way. Of course, have many non-alcoholic drinks available. I would even suggest a non-alcoholic and alcoholic signature drink for all to enjoy including those who are designated drivers, who are on medication as well as simply don't want to drink alcohol.

Gabrielle56

Final word: nobody cares about smokers having to smoke away from everyone so why not boozers? Methinks the boozers protestuth toomucheth......

We would normally have a celebratory glass of fizz or two to celebrate the event.

A glass of fizzy alcohol is hardly a drunken orgy, Gabrielle56!

Personally, I'd avoid serving anything that pretends to be an alcoholic drink or tastes like one if an alcoholic was on a support programme.

Best to mention it to them beforehand and to serve nicer non-alcoholic drinks as well as the alcohol. There will be others who prefer that too.

Talk to them first see if they feel comfortable being around alcohol and make sure plent of non alcoholic alternatives

I am a recovering alcoholic of 23 years. I would serve alcohol at your celebration. I am against this alcohol free wine, beer, and now spirits. If your alcoholic friend wants to drink as it has been said he will bring his own stash.

Serve a good variety of alcohol free drinks.
I feel for dependent and recovering binge drinkers with Christmas approaching. One I know asked their family not to drink in their presence. They’re a heavy drinking family, who believe their drinking is ‘normal’. They normalised their binge drinker because that individual wasn’t drunk in a ditch.

Our society here in the UK has a drink problem. I say this as someone who enjoys a glass of wine but manages to stop at that

Final word: nobody cares about smokers having to smoke away from everyone so why not boozers? Methinks the boozers protestuth toomucheth......

icanhandthemback

My late brother was an alcoholic and everybody stopped drinking around him which I thought was a mistake. He had to learn to say that he didn't drink. To be quite honest, there were times when we were all alcohol free whilst he swigged from a bottle of soft drink, heavily laced with vodka.
I don't actually drink alcohol at all but I am on a diabetic diet all the time. I don't expect people around me to not have a pudding or eat heavily carb laden foods even though my body craves them in the way an alcoholic does. It is my responsibility to ensure that I take care of myself. I sometimes slip and so will most alcoholics. It is something they have to learn to pull back from.

Diabetes is not an addiction! It's a way of life I'm guessing that you don't turn yourself inside out for some sugar?

I'd think about whether the person in question was an essential part of the event. If for instance it's a wedding and he's the bride's father, I'd consider adapting the event for his safety and comfort. If on the other hand he has the option not to attend then it's up to him to avoid it if he can't see drink without drinking it. But maybe best to just ask if he'll be ok about alcohol being there. Tell him you will understand if he decides not to go, or decides to leave early, and leave it up to him.

Gabrielle56, exactly, spot on. For some, there simply isn't any party without alcohol - yet they'd never think they were alcohol dependent themselves.

Definitely an alcohol substitute!

Seeing others having a great time dancing laughing and fooling around without booze is a fantastic encouraging incentive for those who are trying to get their lives on track so please think of others for once!

I’d ask the person concerned. Be guided by them but definitely have good non-alcoholic alternatives available. Drivers also appreciate this!

This is so very interesting! Those who feel strongly that booze should be allowed by human rights(!) Are getting very aereated at the idea that they be denied their tipple!?! Wonder why? Is it that they feel they actually need alcohol in order to enjoy themselves? Certainly sounds like it! Maybe the problem of excessive drinking is more widespread than some think?

Mcguigan zero processo I drink this it makes you feel included but without the fuss

I rarely drink as I'm the family driver; I agree about having a decent choice of alternatives because I don't like squashes or fizzy drinks and am heartily sick of it being water or nothing! In fact I'd rather have a cuppa!!

Btw MavisCabbage, why are YOU so desperate to have a drink at every opportunity?

No one can take on responsibility for any ones sobriety apart from the person themselves, but you can support them. I agree that these days many dont drink from choice as may be driving, on medications etc. Its only going to be a big deal if you make it a big deal. If they choose to accept the invitation let them develop a way of coping in those situations. Sadly alcoholics never did need a party to drink...

The only experience I have is a funeral reception for my cousin’s husband. He had died of alcohol poisoning. The reception took place in the lounge of a hotel. There was a bar nearby where drinks could be bought but my cousin stipulated that alcoholic drinks were not to be brought into the lounge. Everyone understood.
I agree with previous posters that alcohol should be available at the OPs event with a variety of alternative options.

MavisCabbage

I am completely fed up with the fact that alcoholics attract such sympathy. When was the last time you saw a morbidly obese person ( a food addict) treated with sympathetic understanding? The encouragement seems to be towards believing that people are incapable of controlling what they drink but ought to be ashamed of not being able to control what they eat.
In this particular case, l think the alcoholic should not be dictating what everyone else can drink at an occasion.

Spoken as a true ignaramous