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Should you serve alcohol at an event when there is an alcoholic present?

(127 Posts)
vegansrock Fri 29-Oct-21 08:39:32

Should/ would you serve alcohol at an event when a family member is an alcoholic who has asked for our support? They are getting help and it is all out in the open. We would normally have a celebratory glass of fizz or two to celebrate the event. The question is whether to go alcohol free at this event but don’t want to spoil others’ enjoyment of the occasion, particularly the person who the celebration is for. Is it more supportive to be completely alcohol free or just to help them enjoy an occasion where there maybe alcohol but they aren’t drinking it? Wonder if anyone has experience of this?

dragonfly46 Fri 29-Oct-21 08:43:42

This person is going to be faced with lots of occasions like this unfortunately. I think you should still serve alcohol but also make sure you have good alternatives.

rosie1959 Fri 29-Oct-21 08:48:20

As an alcoholic in recovery I have absolutely no problem with alcohol being served but I never have and now have 20 years sobriety
If this person is very new into recovery they may find it hard but they have a choice on attending. They have to adopt coping strategies for themselves ie leaving if they become uncomfortable

Zoejory Fri 29-Oct-21 08:48:58

We've experienced this. Alcohol served as normal. The person concerned was horrified that it might become a non alcoholic event because of him.

multicolourswapshop Fri 29-Oct-21 08:49:17

Vegansrock it’s all down to the alcoholics recovery to refuse a drink if there’s alcohol around, at least that’s what I learned when working in an alcohol rehab unit best wishes

H1954 Fri 29-Oct-21 08:49:28

It's a major step for the alcoholic to acknowledge their personal situation and even more so to ask for family support. Personally, I have always held the opinion that 'I don't need a drink to have a good time'.
If I were hosting this event I would not serve alcohol at all, there are so many alcohol free options available now and a lovely homemade posh fruit punch might make a nice alternative.
Why would the occasion be spoilt by the absence of alcohol?
I wish the recovering alcoholic well and hope the event is a success.

annsixty Fri 29-Oct-21 08:51:34

I agree with those sentiments.
An alcoholic and I have experience of living with one, cannot expect that everywhere he/ she goes, will be alcohol free, it isn’t going to happen much as I feel very sad for them.

GagaJo Fri 29-Oct-21 08:56:55

If the alcoholic is a close family member, I would make the event alcohol free.

If not a close family member, I would consider how recent their recovery is and if it is very recent, make the event alcohol free.

I've had two alcoholics in my family. If there is a relapse related to the event, it could be catastrophic for all those attending. Why take the risk?

I'm with HI954. Alcohol isn't essential for fun. Kids manage without it just fine so adults should be able to, as well. It's a one off situation.

MissAdventure Fri 29-Oct-21 09:03:53

I'd buy them an alcohol free alternative.

Septimia Fri 29-Oct-21 09:09:10

I'd give everyone a good choice of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. I'm not an alcoholic, neither is DH, but many alcoholic drinks no longer suit our digestive systems, unfortunately. You might find that there are others in your family who would prefer something different for one reason or another.

GrannyGravy13 Fri 29-Oct-21 09:18:38

I would have alcohol and non-alcoholic alternatives (nossecco, alcohol free wine and beer)along with various jugs of iced water with slices of cucumber, orange, lemon & lime.

I have a friend who has been sober for nine years, they have never expected the rest of us or their family to join them in abstinence.

Katie59 Fri 29-Oct-21 09:30:54

Yes, but there should be a range of non alcoholic alternatives, plenty of beers, wines even spirits are available then they can socialize normally.
Warning, lots of others like non alcoholic drinks, so get plenty, I only ever have one alcoholic drink then head for whatever looks nice

Smileless2012 Fri 29-Oct-21 09:32:37

I agree with having alcohol alternatives available there may well be people who have driven to the event and wont be able to drink either.

It must be very difficult knowing that because you're an alcoholic you can never drink alcohol again, but that is something a recovering alcoholic is going to have to address on a regular basis.

M0nica Fri 29-Oct-21 09:44:38

Why not ask them? The simplest way to deal with situations like this.

Peasblossom Fri 29-Oct-21 10:08:44

I supported a friend whose husband was an alcoholic.

Two things have stuck with me.

The first is that if he is likely to drink alcohol he will already have a hidden supply with him.

The second is, that if other people feel an event will be spoiled because there is no alcohol, they already need to seriously question their own relationship to drink.

nanna8 Fri 29-Oct-21 10:17:00

I’d have plenty of choices, alcoholic and soft drinks. Most of our friends, as they have got older, don’t drink much anyway.

Shinamae Fri 29-Oct-21 10:20:35

I am a recovering alcoholic with more than 30 years sobriety and I would say serve alcohol but as others have said with plenty of alternatives. I have always said that if I want to drink nobody will stop me and if I don’t want to nobody will make me

Hetty58 Fri 29-Oct-21 10:59:17

We live in a very strange society - where alcohol is somehow 'expected' at events - yet so many people will drive home. It's time for a change, don't you think?

Our family celebrations just don't involve alcohol at all. There are plenty of non-alcoholic drinks for the 'glass of fizz or two'. We have no alcoholics, but don't encourage drinking on principle. We have a responsibility to make sure that guests are safe, not tempted to drink and drive.

Smileless2012 Fri 29-Oct-21 11:59:44

It's the responsibility of the individual not to drink if they're going to drive or if they have a problem with alcohol.

GillT57 Fri 29-Oct-21 12:11:09

I would serve alcohol but with decent non alcoholic alternatives, not fruit punch! There are lots of lovely alcohol free versions of wine, beer, gin, prosecco etc., and thankfully, as I am often the designated driver, I no longer am faced with orange juice or some fizzy drink suitable for small children! Sparkling elderflower is a lovely option when having a toast. Congratulations to your friend who has been open about their dependency, brave and the first major step.

sodapop Fri 29-Oct-21 12:18:52

I agree with those who say you should serve a variety of alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks vegansrock there will be people who are driving and those who just don't like alcohol so this will suit everyone. I think GillT has a good point about serving interesting non alcoholic drinks.

Galaxy Fri 29-Oct-21 12:30:35

Sorry Hetty but I would find that unbearable, not the lack of alcohol but the idea that someone was responsible for me.

Peasblossom Fri 29-Oct-21 12:35:28

The problem with non-alcoholic drinks is that they all seem to be so sweet. I usually end up having water. A nice jug of water with lemon slices would be appreciated ?

GillT57 Fri 29-Oct-21 12:57:54

Peasblossom

The problem with non-alcoholic drinks is that they all seem to be so sweet. I usually end up having water. A nice jug of water with lemon slices would be appreciated ?

I agree that so many non alcoholic drinks provided are sweet and frankly, more suited to a children's birthday party than an adult celebration, but shops now sell all sorts of lovely, non sweet, non childish, alcohol free versions of most drinks. Most of the large brewers and distillers make them, Gordon's have a nice 0% gin, there are dozens of no alcohol beers and wines. For my late DM's 80th birthday we had champagne and sparkling elderflower 'champagne' , served in identical glasses, and both celebratory, nobody left out.

Peasblossom Fri 29-Oct-21 13:04:02

Actually I’m not all that keen on the taste of alcohol either? I think beer is totally repulsive???

I’m a cheap date though?