Am I in the wrong

I got a rather different take on things when a previous thread by OP was brought to our attention upthread DD but didn’t comment. The situation is usually more complex than is first revealed but it’s no excuse for further upsetting someone who is unwell and asking for help. Not that you did, I don’t mean you.

I think the problem is...we never really have the full picture. We make responses on the information we are given, and people are always going to disagree.

On the face of it, from the first post, it does appear to be emotional blackmailing. However, I tried to see it from a different perspective.

Once the OP posted a bit more, I felt a slightly different picture emerging. I’ve no doubt she is in pain, and very unwell mentally. However, she painted a different picture of her ‘past self’, when she talked about the 2,000 people who worked for her. That’s a strong, well adjusted woman, who is quite clearly able to think for herself, and take charge of others.

Is it that she’s been a difficult person in her home life, and this is the basis for the SIL’s behaviour, and her own daughter basically condoning it?

I’m not saying any of this is how it was. It’s supposition, but in my experience, people rarely turn their backs on kind, loving people.

I agree, the daughter should not be involved. It’s between the OP and her doctors.

I wish you well Lollipoplove

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So do I Mousybrown

Poor OP, all I can say that I had 6 rounds of chemo 11 years ago. It was tough but doable. So glad I did it and am still here. I don’t have any daughters to ask for help though. OP seems desperate for help, I feel for her.

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Lollipoplove

Yes I am. But there’s enough bad advice to push someone over the edge

Ignore people who have no compassion or who are just nasty.
We aren't all like that.
Please look after yourself.

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Lollipoplove

Baggs

Well I wouldn’t. And maybe one day yourll be in pain everyday & need strangers to wash you

I assume this was to me?

Like I said, I’d rather strangers than my children.

As I said above, please reach out towards getting in touch with a psychologist for therapy. I think it will help you sort your feelings out.

Best wishes

Yes I agree too, please find the right people to help you Lollypoplove

Smileless2012

You need to talk to someone about your options and the consequences of any decisions you take Lollipoplove. With the best will in the world this isn't the place to get the information and help you need.

Completely agree.

Lollipoplove, please make an appointment with your GP who will point you in the right direction.

You need to talk to someone about your options and the consequences of any decisions you take Lollipoplove. With the best will in the world this isn't the place to get the information and help you need.

I'd never want or expect my children to do personal care. Why would anyone? I think it's the job of a paid carer, should it be necessary. They've seen it all before.

Still, I do understand the reluctance to have further treatment, if life is unbearable and there's pain every day. Nobody should have to live that way, so do see your GP again Lollipoplove.

Lollipoplove

Bibberty

You obviously haven’t read my post. I do have a diagnosis!!!!!

I don’t expect my Daughter to care for me I care for myself. I just wanted her to wash me when needed as I hate my body iv lost so much weight my skin is hanging off me

I’m in pain all day everyday. I have morphine everyday. And I can’t take anymore pain

People like you are pushing me over the edge to the point I don’t want to go on

You mention a mammogram but no diagnosis.

That is care! And a ridiculous demand and burden to put upon her.

I am not responsible for your health or actions. You are.
I have read your whole post. I understand you have health conditions. But you need to understand that that is not your daughters burden.

It's not fair to ask your daughter to bathe you and be your carer.
Some people aren't cut out for it especially when working and having children.

You need proper carers for that, speak to your doctor and they will get someone out to assess you and your needs.

You seriously need help. You're dealing with a lot and your answer seems to be for your daughter to sort it all, that's not fair at all.

I’ve come back on this thread, because I think Lollipoplove is going through enough, without having posters jumping down her throat. She is understandably very sensitive at the moment.
Lollipoplove, the only point I would like to make is that, we cannot expect our children to care for us. I can assure you, my daughter will not offer to be my carer, should I be faced with a life threatening illness or any other disability ….. neither will my sons or daughters-in- law. If you can’t afford to pay for care, I’m sure Social Services and Macmillan Nurses will point you in the right direction.
Look after yourself. I wish you all the best x

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Bibberty

You obviously haven’t read my post. I do have a diagnosis!!!!!

I don’t expect my Daughter to care for me I care for myself. I just wanted her to wash me when needed as I hate my body iv lost so much weight my skin is hanging off me

I’m in pain all day everyday. I have morphine everyday. And I can’t take anymore pain

People like you are pushing me over the edge to the point I don’t want to go on

Baggs

Well I wouldn’t. And maybe one day yourll be in pain everyday & need strangers to wash you

My post in response to Summerlove.

Oh I do agree. I was just talking about this. If I’m become incapable of looking after myself I don’t want anyone doing personal care who isn’t paid to do it,
A friend who has been married happily for over 30 years said she never want her husband to have to wipe her bum. Sorry.

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Lollipoplove

Baggs

I will probably have to find & pay for other support.
But I really don’t want a stranger washing me. And a stranger cannot comfort you like your own flesh & blood
As I said before I’m disabled so I’m on benefits I used to have a very good job had upto 2000 employees who worked for me

I think iv phrased the question about my Dsughter wrong. I just wanted to know if she could help me.
I nursed both my parents through cancer. I thought that’s what you do. Your parents look after you so you look after them if need be.
I have done so much for my Dsughter & sil I gave him a roof to live under I supported him for over a year. I got them out of debt a couple of times I thought my Daughter would want to help me

Even if everything was perfect in your relationship with your daughter, some people are not cut out to be carers.

What would you do then?

I’d much rather a professional carer bathe me personally, but that’s just my opinion.