Hi grans, I’d love to hear from you so I can try to understand.
We are having a lot of conflict with my in-laws because they seem to hold expectations of what being a grandparent would involve. They view it as a caretaking role, but I’m a stay at home mum and I chose to have children because I really wanted to be a mother and take on the caretaking role.
My mother in law is complaining that she hasn’t been alone enough with our children, aged 1 and 3. She is especially focused on my 3 year old.
We live 5 mins away and see them every single week for a family dinner, or if we don’t do dinner we do an outing together like the park, picnic or beach.
During these visits, my mother in law often wanders to another room or runs away in the park with my toddler. I have asked her why alone time is important, she says the dynamic is different when the child knows the parent isn’t there.
I know that she disagrees with my parenting approach and thinks I am too protective and doesn’t like some of my rules. She also takes over and tends to play a maternal role to my children and seems to dislike when I take my son to the potty or do nappies because she wants/expects to do that during catch ups.
I think my in-laws are just excited and have a vision for what it would be like; but it all leaves me feeling like a gatekeeper who they wish to push aside so that they can do things how they would like/imagined.
I feel smothered by their persistence - we’ve had issues in the past with drop ins or my MIL calling herself mummy by accident several times.
I’m not sure how to carve out a positive relationship here, I’d love to hear from some other grandmas - what do you think I should do? How do I approach this alone time pressure? How do I handle my Mil wanting to do all the caretaking tasks when we see her?
We’re planning to all meet and talk openly to resolve the conflicts, so love any tips
