What would you think if you received this?

The people being precious here are the ones saying saying the parents are precious

We are all hormonal, as all our body contains them and we need them to function

Yes, this is not the first baby in the world.
But it is their first baby, their first time going through the experience.

Same as first time getting married, buying a car, becoming an aunt/grandma/getting bad news health wise

Just because it happened to others before, it doesnt you have previous experience yourself

Different people react differently to the same situation

So stop clutching your pearls and let adults decide how they want to live their lives

Just thinking of all the threads one seen on MN about pushy mothers and MILs taking over what should be private events for new parents. I am not (and never have been) a people pleaser so am a great believer in "my rules". If you dont care for my rules then the door is in that direction >>>

The message lays it on the line for all parties. I would have missed out the silly little hearts.

As for "Im your mum" that cuts no ice with me. My parents gave me the bare minimum in terms of upbringing. I once told my mother her opinion counted for no more with me than that of any passing stranger.

As the mother/grandmother, I would have expected a phone call and gentle chat..not a rather curt note that’s been sent to every man and his dog. I would find the last paragraph rude and offensive…and would smile inwardly when they are asking for childcare etc in the future.

Whats the issue? All seems fair enough to me. New parents can set their own rules and these are reasonable

I would have hoped that my daughter would have discussed this with me first, before anything was sent out, as at least we could have talked it through. I understand the sentiment - these are different times with covid, but I think as a grandparent, you could have been given the opportunity to isolate a little, if that was the major concern. I also understand about wanting to bond/have time as a couple with new baby, BUT 2 weeks seems a long time before a grandparent could visit? Would you be happy to ring your daughter to discuss, but think carefully about what you will say? Best of luck

I think the note is perfectly acceptable after the back story. Covid is scary enough, even scarier for a new parent, especially if they will be recovering from surgery...No, I would not have wanted to take a tour and stop by my Mums house to show off the baby on my way home, and had my Mum then said 'But I'm your Mum!' I would have then said 'Then from one Mum to another, understand I'm doing this for the safety of my child!'
Grandparents are great, but the new parents get to be how they want to, as none of us had to give birth or raise a child in a Pandemic, where cases are getting higher.
Good for the niece on standing her ground and making it clear, safe and concise for her baby. Clever, caring not entitlement.

Let them get on with it . Put a few rules in place when they come to visit you .

Ok...try not to stress too badly! My niece did the same thing to my sister. This is her first GC, too. My sister freaked about the tight restrictions. I told my sister to relax because my niece has "first child syndrome!" I told her I fully anticipated my niece to relax after the baby got here and they realized she is not a breakable china doll! By day 3, the whole fam was smothering that baby with kisses and passing her around like she was a plate of freshly baked cookies! Hahaha.... Also, I mentioned by baby #2, you'll probably be the one in the delivery room cutting the cord and holding him/her first! New mamas get awfully stressed because they just don't know what to anticipate. Give her the moment to ponder and stress and realize the ridiculousness of it all on her own terms so you don't have a rift in the relationship later. It's just about her trying to establish boundaries at this point. That stuff is recommended on mom groups all over the internet! Maybe one of those groups got into her head. It'll be ok.

Tutumuch

Cutting and copying the text from
the mum to be, into this thread, makes it very identifiable. If she and the dad find out what has been said it could possible lead to difficulties after baby has been born. Sounds like this first time mum to be is very anxious and needs lots of love, support and reassurance . My advice would be to remove the post and enjoy the status of granny/auntie to be and when the time comes to meet baby enjoy and savour every moment.

Yes.

How about if we all report the thread to GNHQ and ask for the thread to be totally deleted to protect the future for them all.

I think this is unfair,I saw my granddaughter the day she was born.

Rules are fine but to receive a round robin list of instructions like this seems, on the face of it, out of order. I can well understand why your sister is upset.
BUT we don’t have enough information as to why DD felt this necessary. Fact MIL is ‘fine’ about it is irrelevant- she’s wisely going to make sure she doesn’t rock the boat with a DIL.
But perhaps DD has not been able to get through to her mother in the past about certain behaviours/expectations and feels it’s necessary to set out some clear boundaries going forward and unfortunately this is the only way she feels comfortable doing it?
Obviously grandma is just going to have to swallow this with good grace if she wants a relationship going forward. It’s reasonable to be upset but she should keep this to herself and as a sibling I’d be wary of judging your niece too harshly when we don’t know all the circumstances that have led to this. After all if the grandma has been difficult and overbearing in the past she’s hardly likely to admit now!

I think we just have to accept that times have changed and new parents now operate on a different dimension.

Whilst I can understand her 'rules' - they all make sense - the message is rather contrived and, as others have said - "precious".

I also understand her need to establish a routine for the "baby girl" but I rather think she'll find that it won't work like a spreadsheet - she'll be coping with the unexpected and disruptions to her routine.

I think it's the last sentence that got me... why couldn't she simply wait for a visit to just tell the visitor kindly, would you mind making yourself a coffee/tea, and one for me while your about it?!

I think it's the tone of the message that's the problem, not the request itself.

Too precious by far.

As someone else said … smile and nod, then be there if needed. It’s not about the grandmother. The mother-to-be is hormonal and tired so be understanding and stop making a fuss. Good for them for making things clear. Things may change and so it’s best to keep relationships happy. It may be that the mother-to-be feels her own mother is likely to be too interfering so is trying to nip that in the bud. Smile and go with the flow.

Cutting and copying the text from
the mum to be, into this thread, makes it very identifiable. If she and the dad find out what has been said it could possible lead to difficulties after baby has been born. Sounds like this first time mum to be is very anxious and needs lots of love, support and reassurance . My advice would be to remove the post and enjoy the status of granny/auntie to be and when the time comes to meet baby enjoy and savour every moment.

I think grandparents should be allowed to visit sooner, even only for a short time. Grandparents like myself are always happy to offer help even bring a premade meal to be left for the parents to heat up later. I can understand the new parents not wanting to be overwhelmed with visitors, especially with COVID. No doubt these new parents will decide they do want visitors and want to show off their baby and will relax the rules.

It sounds like your sister has overstepped the mark for goodness sake give them some time to at least get home. She sounds the type that will never be away. When I originally read it I thought it was over the top but after reading the further explanation completely agree with your niece.

GraceQuirrel

Suzey

Just remember to instill your own rules when they need a babysitter!

Yes! Sorry busy resting would be my reply to any request.

My advice would be "Don't grumble away your opportunities".

If the request to babysit is turned down without some good reason such as a health problem then babysitting might be sought elsewhere, and the request never made again.

So the person retaliating for a moment of getting back at her may lose out on years of happiness.

Before getting stroppy just remember that it could be a pivotal moment when looking back years later and wondering why there is estrangement and distress at lost opportunities when just not being stroppy and indignant at that pivotal moment could have made all the difference.

Many people accidently say the wrong thing at some time, but doing it deliberately is at another level.

Love it, exactly my sentiments.

Hard, but good self care for new parents

What shocks me most is that anyone, grandmother-to-be or not would object to these eminently sensible rules.

As I remember we all insisted that no-one with a cough or cold visited a new-born infant and that everyone washed their hands before touching the child!

I clearly remember my little sister's godmother coming directly from her work one day and when my mother offered to let her hold the baby, auntie replied, "Oh no, dear, these are my shop clothes, - there could be all manner of germs on them!"

As to the sending of a message instead of discussing it with her mother, I imagine the expectant mother knew her mother would make a fuss, so decided to send the same text message to everyone.

Times change - the young use texting as our generation and our parents' used phone calls. Perhaps my grandparents would have preferred a letter through the post announcing my arrival rather than the phone calls they got?

OMG.....
Im heartbroken for your sister.
..... little apples.....?

Ha - that was my thought as well Tanjamanaltija

It’s all very precious isn’t it - even though a lot of the ‘rules’ are sensible (so don’t need to be spelled out). The refusing to see anyone at all for 2 weeks just seems ridiculous but I think I would have to shrug and leave them to it and get over my annoyance by rolling my eyes and complaining to my friends.

Suspect they’ll be desperate for someone to help when number 2 is born

Mmmm! Very efficient I must say ! Reminds me of my daughter the Social Worker ! ?...

Josianne I agree!! - - a few sleepless nights and worrying about feeding etc. etc. and Mum's opinion and help might be needed! for 2old4this - lie low and let it be for now.