What would you think if you received this?

We were surprised and delighted to be invited to the hospital a couple of hours after our first grandchild was born.

We looked after her when her brother was about to be born and had the instruction from my SIL 'Please bring her to the hospital and leave her so that we can bond as a family and I will phone you when you can come back'.

It was too far to go home so we went and cleaned their kitchen while we waited for the phone call and then went back to the hospital to meet our new grandson.

We are pretty straight talking so have not had any problems.

I suppose some families overstep the boundaries of common sense and good manners. Such a pity that message was so badly phrased, and that they thought it necessary to send out.

I get the not stopping of as probably want to get baby home and settled into their home. But like others have said they need to understand your sister will have rules about babysitting etc .

Also think there is more to it ( sounds controlling) and their could have been a conversation.

It sounds as if the gran to be doesn't like being told no. They may have figured that if they lay everything out this way there's no room for disagreement or negotiation.

Her mother not liking how the message was conveyed doesn't mean she can say the message is invalid or wasn't received.

In the daughter's position, there is no way I'd be stopping on the way home. I wouldn't be surprised if this turned into Grandma insisting on opening the car door, getting the baby out, and insisting they stay for a cuppa.

The baby is not a toy that they need to be shared. It's normal and healthy for them to be totally wrapped up in their coming baby - there is a substantial amount of psychological work that new parents need to do. If they have asked for no visitors for two weeks, that needs to be honoured. It's not up for negotiation.

I’d be SO hurt. What a horribly worded message.
I can appreciate “their baby their rules” but the message is hard nosed, cold and unkind given it doesn’t take into account what they must know will be a Grandmas’ excitement.
I’d keep my feelings up my sleeve but in time I’d probably let them know how upset I was. Not straight away but when things are calmer & more relaxed.
What is the world coming to?

Smileless2012, true, not everyone is quick to estrange but many want their rules followed and want time alone bonding, enjoying their little family. Risky business to keep asking.

Smileless2012

As you say rafichagran she just wanted to look through the car window at her first GC.

I'm very surprised that a new born baby who'd undergone an emergency c section was allowed to be touched by anyone other than the nursing staff or the father.

My anger would have been directed at those in charge for allowing something like that to happen TBH.

Yes, so was I at the time.

I'm not alone however sadly

oops the reference to the H was to do with another thread so ignore that bit

You're not always discharged from hospital at acceptable times. What if it was 10pm? Throwing it down with rain? Snow?

I remember the pain from just sitting down after pushing 7lber out my hoohaw and the stitches that went with it, I had to sit on a rubber ring type thing and that was at home.

Couple that with a bumpy car ride home been fastened in the seat belt with stomach cramps. Makes me wince just thinking about it. Never mind if the poor woman ends up with a section.
Which the hospital gives you paracetamol for! So you're not on even on adequate pain relief.

It's not as easy as just 'popping by'

It's all conjecture and supposition; the OP ain't coming back!

I think you may be underestimating the OP Norah not everyone is quick to estrange and of course her H may not feel the same way.

I think if they did stop by it would have ended badly, the mum would have ended up estranged by "it's all about me actions".

I do wonder whether, if they had stopped by , it would have ended nicely at a look through the window? Somehow I am doubting it. I don't see the OP returning either

The text isn't rude at all, it's a note of facts. Mum asked about a stop, was told no, now it's definitive for everyone.

rafichagran

Not for sending that round Robin I dont. I would laugh at a friend sending it, I would just think she was a idiot, but to send that also to her Mother is a step too far. She only asked to look at the baby in the car for goodness sake.
Just so over dramatic on the daughters part. Not really a 1st world problem to me at any rate.

and she was told no, which is surely the new Mum's perogative, especially in winter, but that answer wasn't accepted.

As you say rafichagran she just wanted to look through the car window at her first GC.

I'm very surprised that a new born baby who'd undergone an emergency c section was allowed to be touched by anyone other than the nursing staff or the father.

My anger would have been directed at those in charge for allowing something like that to happen TBH.

Smileless2012

I agree with you rafichagran. How many times has an AC said to their parent 'but I'm your son/daughter' when they've been disappointed?

IMO the text was abrupt and patronising. "What should they have done then?" she should have talked to her mother, and explained her reasons, have an adult conversation for goodness sake.

Why is that so hard?

It sounds like she did that when asked to stop by.

It was a huge talk topic in mother and baby groups.

Even relatively normal friends, family members, mothers and mils were up for discussion and most of us would never have said anything to them.

My aunt was mine, I had an emergency c section that I couldn't have planned for, my baby was dying as I was put under. When I woke up I couldn't see him and I thought he was gone. I didn't see him way over with her in the corner. I didn't expect my baby to be passed around everyone before I even got a chance to see he was OK. I actually ended up with flashbacks to that moment where I thought I'd lost him and needed help because he wasn't where I expected him to be when I woke up. Never ever told her this as I wouldn't want her to feel bad.

Everyone had a story, from the ones who were picking up and waking the baby that had just been settled to having someone hovering over their shoulders watching their every move to the ones who just came to hold the baby and take pictures and expected tea made for them to the ones who just didn't seem to want to hand the fussy baby back to mum who was getting anxious.

I think there is a reason new mums are asking for this type of thing and I don't blame them.

Not for sending that round Robin I dont. I would laugh at a friend sending it, I would just think she was a idiot, but to send that also to her Mother is a step too far. She only asked to look at the baby in the car for goodness sake.
Just so over dramatic on the daughters part. Not really a 1st world problem to me at any rate.

I agree with you rafichagran. How many times has an AC said to their parent 'but I'm your son/daughter' when they've been disappointed?

IMO the text was abrupt and patronising. "What should they have done then?" she should have talked to her mother, and explained her reasons, have an adult conversation for goodness sake.

Why is that so hard?

rafichagran

Glad not to be a baby snatcher or over invested. I have a life if my own.
I only hope the Gran this thread is about has a happy ending, as I dont think she is entitled or selfish, just very disappointed, and maybe does not say the right things, who does, not many of us are perfect.

so you can excuse the mother on the grounds that "not many of us are perfect" but you won't excuse the daughter?

rafichagran

That's your opinion Maw and you are welcome to it. I disagree with you I just think we have a disappointed 1st time Gran who said something clumsily. I dont think there is anything wrong with the Gran just having a look. It would not take much time and it would make her happy.
I am totally fed up with this crap about boundaries, rules, and you must not do this or that.
It would not bother me about not seeing my grandchild for the 1st two weeks, and I would respect my daughter or son if they said this, but not if they sent a round robin text.
I think this woman's daughter is a royal pain in the arse. I am so glad all my family and the people I know are not like this. I honestly had never heard all this nonsense until I started going on forums.
Also there are many cultures in my family and none of this happens. Mother and Father are happy for people to welcome the baby.

but the mother asked and was told no....then she pulled the "but I am your mother" line. What should they have done then?

Glad not to be a baby snatcher or over invested. I have a life if my own.
I only hope the Gran this thread is about has a happy ending, as I dont think she is entitled or selfish, just very disappointed, and maybe does not say the right things, who does, not many of us are perfect.

The text was neither rude nor patronising, it was just laying in facts. It's polite to tell mum what will be.

MissAdventure

Actually, I have to retract what I said, because I do know someone who is like it, now I've thought about it.

When I was a young mum we called them baby snatchers