What would you think if you received this?

I’m torn. It’s hard to judge unless you know the ins and outs of the relationship. If my daughter presented me with such a directive, I’d be very hurt and withdraw emotionally. So I think this kind of thing could damage future relationships. On the other hand, when I see how needy and demanding some grandparents are, I wouldn’t blame the parents. In my opinion, she should make an exception for grandparents, who have the most invested in the grandchildren. I’d allow parents to visit, and close family but give myself two weeks off from friends. The situation was handled really badly and tactlessly.

Maggiemaybe

And the ones that didn’t have the luxury of wfh? Who were perhaps out there working on the front line, unvaccinated, adding the worry of bringing infection back to a newborn and a vulnerable new mum? How about young single first time mums, unable to access help from family or friends at a time when none was forthcoming from the professionals? Perhaps not quite so blissful for them.

Sorry, I’ve helped this thread digress from the main topic and will call it a day here. But all this talk of the wonderful lockdown experience really gets to me. It really wasn’t that way for many, many people.

Please don’t think I’m naive enough to not understand, that for a lot of people, the pandemic itself (and it’s consequential lockdowns) has been heartbreaking and an endurance test that no-one should have to be put through.

My point was, hopefully, illustrating that families who were able to spend some time together (without interference from well-meaning grans) anecdotally reported better family outcomes.

There are reasons why individuals today; from midwives, to breastfeeding counsellors, other new parents, doulas, are recommending this bonding and recovery period.

I’m aghast at the level of selfishness that some well meaning grans are displaying on this thread.

For some people to assume new parents will be on their knees sobbing, and failing as parents within the first couple of weeks is distasteful. It also shows what little faith grandparents have in their AC to parent well; and, for me, those type of parents are the ones I definitely wouldn’t want to be seeing during the first few weeks after giving birth.

My DC are toddlers, with another on the way, I’ve never requested help in the form of babysitting either - so those mentioning turning their back on AC when they request childcare, don’t count that your AC will actually want your ‘help’.

I know. But their misery doesn't stop others joy.

And the ones that didn’t have the luxury of wfh? Who were perhaps out there working on the front line, unvaccinated, adding the worry of bringing infection back to a newborn and a vulnerable new mum? How about young single first time mums, unable to access help from family or friends at a time when none was forthcoming from the professionals? Perhaps not quite so blissful for them.

Sorry, I’ve helped this thread digress from the main topic and will call it a day here. But all this talk of the wonderful lockdown experience really gets to me. It really wasn’t that way for many, many people.

VioletSky

A lot of mothers did report that lockdown gave them better bonding time as a family which does tie in with the needs of the new mum in this post.

Not only mothers, but fathers too. Fathers who got to work at home and spend more time as part of their family. Bliss.

Maggiemaybe

Good for you. We can all give our own anecdotal evidence, it means nothing. I could give you chapter and verse of my own daughter’s experience as a first time lockdown mum, and that of her friends in her virtual NCT group. Completely different to yours, but they prove nothing.

This, though, speaks volumes:

www.itv.com/news/2020-12-18/how-covid-restrictions-are-fuelling-a-postnatal-depression-crisis

But I literally said I couldn't source it.
But it is my experience. And also many of the PMD cases were worsened due to horrific cuts to services. They were due to lack of actual medical care. Our NHS is in a shameful shambles and letting mothers down.

So you'd think the last thing they would need to a selfish relative on top.

And yes we do need to accept that future generations will be clear about what we are doing wrong and want change but the other side of that is that, what is happening is growth. If we were to plot it on a graph I am almost certain that changes to parenting are slowing as need for change is slowing.

We aren't going to go back to smacking as one example.

Good for you. We can all give our own anecdotal evidence, it means nothing. I could give you chapter and verse of my own daughter’s experience as a first time lockdown mum, and that of her friends in her virtual NCT group. Completely different to yours, but they prove nothing.

This, though, speaks volumes:

www.itv.com/news/2020-12-18/how-covid-restrictions-are-fuelling-a-postnatal-depression-crisis

A lot of mothers did report that lockdown gave them better bonding time as a family which does tie in with the needs of the new mum in this post.

Maggiemaybe

^We accept that generations before were told wrong information. Some relationships are ruined due to it and that's unfortunate. You know better you do better.^

Perhaps also accept that future generations will be very clear about everything that the current one is doing wrong.

Yes...literally the point.
Right now we safe doing what science is telling us is best. And we hope that it continues to do better for future generations.

But it's posters here who don't seem to accept that things have changed and that a new mother should do what is best for her and her baby and not her demanding mother.

Like I said I believe it was local and I never saw a source. But I know on an anecdotal level and my in my personal life many women found it better.
At the time of lockdown my youngest was 5 months. I also have two older children.

I loved it. I thrived much better. It all came at the perfect time as my mat leave finished in lockdown so I didn't return to work until well after a year.

We accept that generations before were told wrong information. Some relationships are ruined due to it and that's unfortunate. You know better you do better.

Perhaps also accept that future generations will be very clear about everything that the current one is doing wrong.

Bibbity

Exactly. We accept that generations before were told wrong information. Some relationships are ruined due to it and that's unfortunate. You know better you do better.

Which is what The new mother is doing.
We have learnt that a mother being left alone is better.
Breastfeeding rates went up during lockdown. Many believe it's because mother and baby were left alone.
I also read something that PND also fell but I haven't seen a source for that.

She is doing what she has been advised by those who know better.

That message is a copy and paste! It's been doing the rounds on the mum groups! It crops up constantly! Emojis and all!

You also read something that PND also fell

Where? A very quick google will take you to links to the reports of various respected bodies saying exactly the opposite. Too many for me to have to paste a link.

I expect pregnancy books in the past were a bit of an issue, they were in the past where all the funny ideas about all sorts of things existed.

Smileless2012

"She doesn't have to care about such pointless things" let's hope that those in her life don't feel they don't need to care about such pointless things as her feelings.

Not over such ridiculous and petty matters no. Imagine being so selfish to think "what about me" over the health and well being of a brand new mother and her baby.

But it does matter as its just turning posters against each other then the thread starts being toxic!

The "books" and advice now is not about how the baby should behave but the parents.

Ensuring we are responsive and safe. Non negotiables really.

"She doesn't have to care about such pointless things" let's hope that those in her life don't feel they don't need to care about such pointless things as her feelings.

My health visitor told me to get rid of the book I had when our first son was born Calistemon and he was a 'text book baby' too.

When I visited my s.i.l. two weeks after her baby was born, the poor thing was exhausted and really struggling. She had the same book so I told her what my health visitor told me and she threw it in the bin.

A week later she was a different person. No longer stressed out because her baby didn't conform to the one's in the book. She was going with the flow which is the only way to manage.

Gransnet is entertaining and occasionally educational.

There are no prizes for winning arguments by any means

Calistemon

^That message is a copy and paste! It's been doing the rounds on the mum groups! It crops up constantly! Emojis and all!^

Oh dear, so not even a personal message to convey the new parents' wishes to their friends and supposedly loving family.

How impersonal.

Why does that matter? It fit the bill for what she needed. Who cares if she came up with it or someone else. Job done. Everyone on the same page. If they aren't happy with it they can manage their own feelings. She doesn't have to care about such pointless things.

Bibbity

No it's absolute ridiculous.
Where did they mention their parenting?
Where does it mention how they plan to raise their child?

Let's just be clear here. All we know is that after a baby exists her body a woman wants to go home and recover in peace.

That's it.

And yet here are comments about how she will fail as a mother basically.

And yes almost every new parent is shocked at how hard parenting is. Nothing prepares you for the reality of it.
That's not a bad thing! But these generations are sure as hell doing a better job than previous ones.

How many hear hit your children? Assaulted them. How many put them in cots and left them to cry. How many put them on feeding schedules and started solids early?

Yerse....quite...I can only imagine that all the b*tchy grans have never learned the word "no" ? Why all the indignation and faux upset? Back off, you've all had your turn , probably messed up a bit now and then, but always learned hopefully from your mistakes , let the next gen do same without being a pain in the proverbials.whats the rush? Think yourselves lucky we have camera phones facetime WhatsApp etc to send live footage that in the past would be considered witchcraft ???

That message is a copy and paste! It's been doing the rounds on the mum groups! It crops up constantly! Emojis and all!

Oh dear, so not even a personal message to convey the new parents' wishes to their friends and supposedly loving family.

How impersonal.

Smileless2012

"having comments twisted" exactly. I didn't say I don't enjoy being here Bibbity I stated very clearly what I don't find entertaining.

entertainment
/ɛntəˈteɪnm(ə)nt/
Learn to pronounce
noun
the action of providing or being provided with amusement or enjoyment.

But that is the literal definition of entertainment.
So I was right to use entertainment. And now I wonder why you are so worked up over how I feel about what I do in my spare time.

Like Bibbity I find forums entertaining, especially when posters start bickering amongst themselves! It becomes a school playground!