Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Update on adult stepson moving back in

(21 Posts)
Mamma66 Tue 02-Nov-21 15:23:21

Firstly, thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my previous thread about my adult stepson wanting to move back in with us.

My stepson came around on Sunday for dinner and we had a talk. I was really pleased as my husband was the first one to speak (he would normally take a back seat). We were definitely on the same page and presented as a united front.

We began asking my stepson what had happened. He explained that his sons were getting to the point that they didn’t want to be at their Dad’s house as the man he shares with socialises all the time and drinks heavily and the boys don’t feel comfortable being there. My stepson has got it all figured out. He has worked out that he can comfortably afford a one bedroomed flat (we live in an expensive part of the country). He wants to stay with us whilst he saves up the remainder of the deposit. We have agreed that he will stay put until just before Christmas and then move in with us. We said that he could stay for 12 weeks as he would need to put his furniture in storage (it doubles in price after 12 weeks). We would be flexible on the 12 weeks but have not told him that. He understands that he would have to camp to an extent as his belongings would be in storage, but we genuinely do not have space for his stuff.

We both feel reasonably happy about the outcome, not least as my stepson has been stuck in a rut for a while and this is a really positive step for him.

Smileless2012 Tue 02-Nov-21 15:37:23

That all sounds really positive Mamma I hope it goes according to plan. You were wise not to let him know you're flexible with regard to the 12 week period and that he'll have to put his belongings into storage.

Better that he doesn't get too comfortable perhapssmile

Kim19 Tue 02-Nov-21 15:45:52

Thank you so much for this progress report. I have been thinking about this a fair bit since you originally posted. Your plans sound well thought out and positive and the fact that you are all in accord is the best news of all. I wish your stepson and family a very happy future.

JaneJudge Tue 02-Nov-21 15:46:09

It does sound positive and I think the fact he is being responsible with respect to his sons and 'moving on' shows maybe he is at a turning point in his life?

sodapop Tue 02-Nov-21 15:48:06

An excellent solution Mamma glad to hear you and your husband worked together to help your stepson.

Shinamae Tue 02-Nov-21 15:55:10

Sounds fair enough to me…

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 02-Nov-21 16:14:56

It was very kind of you to tell us. All looking very positive and I hope everything goes well.

Calendargirl Tue 02-Nov-21 16:16:36

Hope it all works out well for all of you.

BlueBelle Tue 02-Nov-21 16:34:50

Sounds a really good adult, all round solution, well done you and your husband for stepping up and doing the talking and to your son for understanding and agreeing Fingers crossed it all goes to plan
And thanks for coming back, so often stories of woe leave anyone interested enough to reply, hanging

crazyH Tue 02-Nov-21 16:44:35

Thanks for the update - all’s well that ends well..

Summerlove Tue 02-Nov-21 16:45:14

I’m very pleased to hear you came to a solution you are all comfortable with!

Hithere Tue 02-Nov-21 16:47:19

No, he cannot comfortably afford a 1 bedroom flat + deposit if he has stay with you to achieve this goal

He could adult up and move - different roommates

You are enabling him

Hithere Tue 02-Nov-21 16:54:51

The rule of thumb is for an adult is to have at least 6 months worth of monthly expenses in his/her savings account.

If that is not possible, downsize and reduce your expenses to make it happen with the income

I seriously side eye your son's financial judgment and situation he is in.

JaneJudge Tue 02-Nov-21 18:12:10

Hithere, with all the best intentions many people have not been able to live like that for many decades now, let alone after a divorce/child maintenance etc

Casdon Tue 02-Nov-21 18:21:27

If your marriage breaks down, you can only afford to move into a rented flat and your expenses increase accordingly because you are running two homes, so what you are suggesting is not realistic at all Hithere is it?
Moving in with your parents for an agreed period of time to enable you to set up in your own flat is the most pragmatic and mature solution, saying he needs to ‘adult up’ is derogatory.
Glad you sorted it Mamma66.

Esspee Tue 02-Nov-21 18:27:05

Mamma66 It is lovely to hear you and your husband set up a united front and are pleased with the result. I hope it works out for you all.

Hithere Tue 02-Nov-21 18:27:31

My issue is with the word "comfortably"

Mamma66 Wed 03-Nov-21 06:45:04

I think I probably didn’t explain it properly. What I meant to say is that my stepson’s mortgage payment would be comfortably affordable as it would be half what he has been paying in his share of the rent. I am quite proud of him really. Now we know what has been going on (he’s quite a private person) we have realised why he has been working all the overtime he can for months. He has been saving as much as he can for the deposit. We thought he was just saving up for a nice holiday for the boys (which he is) but he just carried on after he had the holiday money for his deposit.

Mamma66 Wed 03-Nov-21 06:45:32

Thank you everyone 🙂

Mamma66 Wed 03-Nov-21 06:47:15

Our thoughts exactly 😉

nanna8 Wed 03-Nov-21 07:02:19

Thanks for the update Mamma66, lovely when writers take the trouble to update us.