I can’t seem to bond with second grandchild

It’s not just you. I looked after two of my first son’s three children, but not the third, as my DIL gave up work. So we never really bonded with him the same....although we do hide it.

We have five other grandchildren, who we love dearly, but have different levels of closeness. It depends on how much you are involved from the start I think.

Also..your DIL being annoyed with you, which she had no right to be, may not have helped.

Don’t worry, just keep doing what you’re doing. Closeness also ebbs in and out as they change ages.

I have five GC and love each one for their individuality. Please do not beat yourself up about this , no one knows but you and us! So carry on as you are , you are doing a good job. I think the advice to spend time with just your second GC may be beneficial. Accepted how you feel , and accept that the children are individuals. Don't worry !!! Give it time, devote some time to just you and your second GC and more than likely your bond will develop. Good luck .

I have only two GDs but they are loved equally. They are chalk and cheese and outsiders would not realise they are sisters. There is nothing I would change about them, adored them from the inute they were born.

I have 8 GC . I love them all the same but my feelings are different for each one. Eldest gd (19) will always be my special one. Another pulls at my heartstrings, she’s so dear. Sisters 3 and 4 are fun to be with and are party animals, twin boys (15) do their own thing but are loving and caring. Two smallest DG’s are cheeky and lively and keep me busy.
Such blessings - each and every one.

Wise mum baggs

My mum used to say that you might not be able to control how you feel but you can control how you behave.

Sounds as if you’re getting that right so carry on and stop worrying about it.

Make sure you never show it and stop worrying carry on being a good gran and stop thinking it through so much

I think as humans we always bond more with some personalities than with others, that's why out of the millions of people in the country we choose some as friends and don't pay so much attention to others. You sound like a lovely gran and must try not to feel bad.

As the child grows you may find you suddenly have much more in common and the bond changes enormously .

Oh I don't know. I have 5 grandkids, but one with whom have no contact. The others are a boy and girl in each family. One set are my son's, the other my daughter's. Now I am thinking your second grandchild is a girl but you do not actually tell us. Obviously you did spend time, a lot, looking after number 1 on your own and that will have helped the bond form. My daughter lives at a distance but I used to go up (100 miles) and stay overnight to help out. My son's family live close and babysittijg/childcare has gone on for longer etc Each child is different and I have to try to adjust to their uniqueness. You will have to do the same. Do I love them all equally? I believe I do. Do I find the girls easier to be with than the boys? Probably lol! But the boys quite like a bit of a cuddle and sit on my knee. But that is not helping you. Now the strength of the bond with the younger would be tested if you saw them in danger! I would be worried if you had no desire to yank that kid away from it - that is a bond! I honestly would try not to dwell on it. If you feel concerned maybe try to engineer some individual time with each on their own. This would give you a chance to get to know younger one's endearing qualities and interests better. Not easy being a granny.