Have paternal grans always been less involved with their grandchildren than maternal grans?

Nansnet: "the physical act of giving birth, recovering afterwards, and learning how to be a mother, is essentially the same!"

This is not true. For all the babies I had, not one experience was the same. Some were drastically different to the others.

A bit like mother in laws, then?

CafeAuLait

Nansnet: "the physical act of giving birth, recovering afterwards, and learning how to be a mother, is essentially the same!"

This is not true. For all the babies I had, not one experience was the same. Some were drastically different to the others.

CafeAuLait, now you're just splitting hairs. Of course, every birth is different, I was not trying to suggest that they are all the same. I, myself, had two completely different births, one very easy, the other horrendous, with several months of recovery. My reference to giving birth, the recovery, and becoming a mother, essentially being the same for women today as it was for our mothers, and grandmothers, was merely intended to point out that women have been giving birth forever, and it is not something new to young women today that women haven't experienced previously, whether it be an easy birth, or difficult. It has all been experienced by others.

It's a shame that you had inconsiderate in-laws, but people shouldn't believe that all in-laws are the same, just because they've had a bad experience with their own.

I suspect most MILs are just fine, nansnet. I wish mine had been my ally and friend.

I don't think I will ever fully recover from one of my births. Just as I don't understand what it is like to have a c-section or PPD, other women have never lived my experience. That doesn't mean they can't empathise, or at least try to, but they may never get it fully. That's okay as long as the MIL (or any other person) doesn't get upset at what a woman needs for her recovery because it doesn't fit with what she decided she was going to get as a grandma.

Personally, I'd rather be giving birth today than in my MIL's day. I feel I have more choice and more option of less medicalisation.

Met with DGD's other gran recently. She has many grandchildren, I have one. We are both over 30 minutes car journey away from DGD. Pulling together her relationship with DGD and mine -
She sees her in passing with other people much more than I do.
I have more one-to-one time with her.
I have more sleepovers

CafeAuLait

I suspect most MILs are just fine, nansnet. I wish mine had been my ally and friend.

I don't think I will ever fully recover from one of my births. Just as I don't understand what it is like to have a c-section or PPD, other women have never lived my experience. That doesn't mean they can't empathise, or at least try to, but they may never get it fully. That's okay as long as the MIL (or any other person) doesn't get upset at what a woman needs for her recovery because it doesn't fit with what she decided she was going to get as a grandma.

Personally, I'd rather be giving birth today than in my MIL's day. I feel I have more choice and more option of less medicalisation.

CafeAuLait, on those points, I have to agree. Most MiLs probably are fine, and the small minority who do make a fuss because they had preconceived ideas about grand parenting, and things haven't turned out as they'd expected, do need to take a step back.

It just seems that some people who don't get along with their MiL, or have had a bad experience with her, believe that all MiLs are the same, and should be treated with disdain. Those sentiments are seen frequently by the same few posters on GN, and it really doesn't give a fair view of the majority of good MiLs/grandmothers.

Good post @ 12.57 Nansnet especially the second paragraph.

Nansnet, MILs are a mixed bag just as children and CIL are a mixed bag.

I think people tend to discuss the troublesome ones because those topics tend to come up and there's little to say about the good ones.

My mother in law was far more involved with my children than my own parents, and she was in my house whilst my second child was born. This involvement continued when we moved 100 miles away and they used to make the journey and stay with us two or three times a year.

My children have wonderful memories of their paternal grandparents and the fun they had with them.

CafeAuLait

Nansnet, MILs are a mixed bag just as children and CIL are a mixed bag.

I think people tend to discuss the troublesome ones because those topics tend to come up and there's little to say about the good ones.

CafeAuLait, Exactly that! We tend to only hear about the bad ones (DiLs & MiLs), because the majority of DiLs & MiLs who do have good relationships (and there are many), don't need to broadcast the fact, and they don't need to vent, or ask for advice about a bad situation.

Oh, and I guess we tend not to hear so much about bad maternal MiLs on GN, because I would imagine that a very high percentage of posters are women, and not men, but I'm sure they're out there!