Do your children ring you?

Our DS generally calls once a week when he is on his way home from work. He works near our home but doesn’t call in. My DH has been seriously ill and yesterday DS called and asked’ did you have a nice weekend’. Let’s just say it will be a long time till he asks me that again. But he still hasn’t said he’s going to visit.

My son rang yesterday, just for a catch up, he lives about four miles away, daughter the same in the opposite direction. We messenger regularly and see them roughly once a month

Son rings more often now he’s in a steady relationship!

My daughter calls regularly, but I have to make an appointment to speak to my son! He's fine when we do speak and we talk for a long time, but it's only about once every three weeks!

We see my son and daughter and their partners about once a week, we all live in the same small town.

We also have a 6 way WhatsApp group which can become hilarious! I have separate WhatsApp groups for each of them as well ( handy when sorting out presents or planning surprises).

I know they are there if we need them, or vice versa.

Take care x

We/they do phone occasionally, it's usually when we need a quick answer to something.

I keep intouch with my son on messenger here & there then once a week on phone to have ‘ chat ‘ and that suits me just fine as I know his time is precious with work & young family . Young people today vary rarely actually use their phone to make a call ,as they all use messages & WhatsApp . When our parents were about these things didn’t exist so we had to use the phone . I have a friend who expects her son to phone her every day and gets really upset if he doesn’t , I say to her she is expecting a lot from him, he is busy with work and new girlfriend, so is putting lot of unnecessary pressure on him, which is not nice . It doesn’t mean that they don’t care it’s just that none of us wants to be in the position of the ‘ obligatory’ phone call to mum to keep her happy , that then becomes a dreaded chore . Just be happy that your daughter visits and sends texts , enjoy your own life and take the pressure of her .

It all depends on the personality of the person concerned. I don't think it's neglect but rather their time goes by faster than ours does as they have working lives. My DS phones regularly once a week and when he forgot one week I reminded him of it. He said he thought he HAD phoned - that's how busy he'd been. I remember being busy all the time with children and work and it's a totally different mindset. You just need to gently remind your AC sometimes and I'm sure they'll respond.

My two live over 200 miles away. They both have very busy jobs and are single parents.

I moved 7 years ago and left friends and family behind. My days are quite busy, particularly when the weather is good so DH and I get limited time to spend together to chat / talk. I miss the spoken word and company of others.

My two are completely different in their ways. DD texts regularly and rings 3 - 4 times a week. I ring when I know she is free. My DS rarely rings and when he does, it's mainly because of his worries. I text him once a week and occasionally get a text back.

I understand and can sympathise with you Madwoman11 about hearing a voice. Texts always leave me with unanswered questions. You do get out and socialise though. Perhaps when you are at home all day, there are friends you can ring to chat to occasionally.

We mostly text each other. One of my sons rings once a week or I ring him. The other texts me every morning to check I am ok.
Apart from one all my children live a long way from me.
I am grateful that they keep in touch as like others their lives are very busy with work and children.

That reminds me - as well as not ringing us in case she's being intrusive, my mum puts limits on when we can ring her, as she watches a lot of TV and goes to bed early, which is at odds with our lives which are busy during the day and early evening. By the time we have cleared up after dinner, mum is getting ready for bed.

I understand that talking to family is important, but there has to be give and take if there is not to be resentment on one side or the other.

DD does most every day . She lives near. DS about twice a month. He lives a five hour car journey away !,,,

Glammanana wow you aren't short for conversation lol. That's lovely ?

My son still lives at home. My daughter texts quite often but seldom rings, mostly when she wants something ?
She is only a 15 min drive away so I see her once or twice a fortnight anyway.

How lovely to be able to tell the little ones a bedtime story MawBemawm perhaps it could be arranged again.
My sister used to call me at 1pm every Sunday until her death 6 years ago. I get that Feeling sometimes too at the time she would ring will suddenly look at the clock thinking I have missed something.

Yes at least weekly, sometimes at inopportune moments, such as when we are about to eat, still they're not to know, our mealtimes aren't set in stone and move about. One son does like to discuss the state of the world at times and those calls can be quite long. I do prefer face to face when I'm having a protracted conversation, probably my phone but at times I find phone conversations become indistinct, quite possibly my hearing! We also text and WhatsApp I get a lot of puppy pics of the lockdown dog

Mine always keep in touch on a daily basis I hear from one of them (3 x AC's)
My DD also is on the phone all day with her job she drops in to visit up to four times a week after work since I lost my lovely man nearly two years ago she stays for about an hour and gives me all the up to date family gossip.
My two sons ring me a couple of times a week and their wives messenger me a few times a week one with pictures of my DGD and the other of their dog !!!
Grown up DGS's also ring sometimes during the week on their lunchbreak just to say hello as I never see them after their work as they are out with girlfriends etc.
Everyone knows not to ring me after 7pm as thats when I get comfy to watch TV of an evening .
So my phone is rather busy compared to others.

I don’t have a smartphone so no WA messages between me and our daughters. But yes, texts (many) and nice phone calls a couple of evenings/weekends as they both work full time. I do occasionally initiate a phone call (school holidays especially good time). They ignore if it’s inconvenient but always do get back to me as soon as with a ‘sorry, mum’.

They do phone me - at least weekly - and I phone them. We also have a WhatsApp group which includes their partners. I also have calls or messages from some of the grandchildren, if they have something important to impart.

Riverwalk

No they don't - I assume something's wrong if I see their name come up!

I think Whatsapp and the like have taken the place of phone calls, and that suits me. If I want to say something I Whatsapp, and then they answer when they can - I'm always mindful that they may be driving and even with hands-free I don't think drivers should be distracted.

I totally agree with you! We have a family WhatsApp group and I send a very brief message every morning to let them know I am still alive! We started doing that during the first lockdown as both my children were worried about me living alone. I like it as we sometimes share our plans for the day as well.

If I phone them and they are driving I end the call really quickly as I don’t think that hands free is safe, it’s still a distraction and I won’t use it for myself.

As a family we mostly keep in touch through a family whatsapp. I talk with my daughter and one son once a week. The other son never phones unless there’s a real reason. He’s my emergency backup!

I really understand your daughter. Talking to people all day is exhausting and I remember that feeling of my brain can’t take any more words.

I don’t know what the answer is for you, if friends can’t fill that gap, but your daughter has been honest with you and tried to explain and it would be wrong to ignore her and guilt her into more.

Rarely. They used to come here every Sunday. It just stopped. I've no idea why.

Elder son phones every day. Sometimes it is the only time in the day that I talk to anybody.

Younger son phones occasionally, but prefers texting. He says I am the only person he actually talks to on the phone.

DD1 never rings but I ring and text her - she always replies but she is a bit self obsessed. DD2 rings often but if I ring her she is always busy so I wait for call or a text which are frequent plus they are both on FB and we exchange daft messages and stories. I dont say anything about any of this too them as I know what its like to have a mother who says 'Who?' when you haven't rung for two days.

Why do those who say they don't want to intrude think that their children won't mind intruding on their days?

I hear this from my own mum - that she doesn't want to phone any of her children/grandchildren as she doesn't want to intrude, but I don't buy it. She is as likely to be busy as any of us, and as we've all said a hundred times, most people just don't pick up if they are busy, but they can see a missed call and will reply when they can. I'm afraid it's not reasonable to expect everyone else to make the effort and not take some responsibility yourself.

To go back to the original question, my children tend to WhatsApp rather than call, and my daughter more than my son - she sends photos and videos as well as messages. That's fine - we are all busy people. Interestingly, I don't expect an instant reply when I send a message, but if I don't get back to my daughter immediately she gets very impatient?

Just like Dragonfly I was told (not unkindly) that phones work in both directions. When I protested that I never knew when was a good/bad time to call (like most people’s AC mine seem to be on the go 24/7 or if it’s evening I feel maybe they might welcome some down time) I was told “Oh if it’s not convenient I just don’t pick up.” How does that make any of us us feel?
The silver lining of lockdown was that the two younger D’s FaceTimed me every evening so that I could do a bedtime story for one GS and that youngest (at the time -12 months at the start of the first lockdown ) would recognise me when we could meet up again.
I really miss that!
So no, I don’t hear from them nearly as much as I would like and sometimes get worried if radio silence goes on too long, in case there is something they don’t want me to know.
Of course if granny duties are involved, I hear - cynical, moi?
I used to ring my parents every Sunday evening at 7 o clock (often fortified with a snifter ? ) and for years and years after their deaths, I got, indeed still get, that “feeling” round about the time.

Very familiar. Three daughters, phone calls are rare. We do have a family group on Facebook Messenger to which they contribute and the most usual method of contact is through Messenger.
They never read emails and they rarely text! I do mind but they all work hard and are genuinely exhausted at the end of their digital days. We have occasional family Zoom sessions but phone? What's that?!