Piggy in the middle[again]

Probably a bit late now, but is there any chance you could invite the whole lot - your parents and your children to your house, perhaps for New Year? Then each family can decide if they want to come. Of course you tell them both who you are having at your party, then it is up to them to decide if they can't come because grandparents/grandchildren will be there. Extra catering for you, but a way to bring the generations together.

They saw the children 6 weeks ago in the kitchen & son & did went upstairs? Are son & dil vaccinated? Your son should definitely be the one to tell them, suggesting an alternative to not sound aggressive.

My parents are here, my daughter didn't come as planned as she tested positive on Christmas Eve & I am lying here, isolating upstairs on my b'day as I tested positive last night. Barely any symptoms any of us & we only know because of testing. This is real and oddly random as the two vulnerable ones are ok (as well as parents in their 80's) All the children are oblivious & fine. Stay safe, take hottie bottles if you can't get heater, protect NHS workers & plan Easter would be my advice. Son is taking calculated risks by having you child mind, that's up to him but he needs to speak to his grandparents himself imho

I think DillytheGardener is talking a lot of sense on this thread.

alig99 that’s a bit strong. I don’t think op wants to hear such strong words about her ds. She is a good mum looking after her grand babies and the son is understandably anxious of his children due to one’s near death experience. The ops parents sound like hard work (as were my in-laws) and poor op is trying to be everything to everyone like most women.
I think she just needs to explain that to her son and kindly ask as it is causing her much anxiety to take on that task, not because he has to, but because it would be a kindness and a favour to his mum.

Just like to say that being double vaccinated doesn't stop you catching and spreading covid. I personally know of 7 people who have caught covid after being double vaccinated. Not Omicron but Delta and earlier varients. One sadly died from it
So I think your son is sensible sorry.

Omg you’re not going to see your parents for Christmas cos your child is using you to babysit. How could you. He and his wife are selfish twats. Tell him you are spending Christmas with your parents, afterwards you’ll wait 7 days to ensure your are covid free before you resume childcare duties. You shouldn’t tell your parents his decision, he should do it. Don’t make yourself a martyr by telling your parents.

He needs to learn to express himself without it sounding a bit aggressive.

We don't have much of a relationship with many people we may have to deal with in life and need to learn how to deal with them without it coming across in the wrong way.

I would ask why he doesn't have much of a relationship with his grandparents who clearly really want to see him and their great-grandchildren.

Calistemon

Yes, there is a way of putting it nicely, nannyof4

If the son has a problem doing so because it may sound aggressive coming from him, as joanna says, then he needs to address this and sort out why.

A poor choice of word from the OP, I think. She said:

Hi thanks all.it has been decided I will tell my parents later that they will have to do another Xmas on the doorstep,as my son thinks it may sound a bit agressive coming from them when they don't have much contact outside visits so building myself up for it later.

She clearly meant that her son doesn’t feel comfortable enough telling them no and it may come off as harsh given they don’t have much of a relationship.

I don’t think for a minute she was implying her son is aggressive.

Yes, there is a way of putting it nicely, nannyof4

If the son has a problem doing so because it may sound aggressive coming from him, as joanna says, then he needs to address this and sort out why.

People get FAR too strung up over Christmas, it's just like any other Sunday roast dinner lunch, only with presents

And bread sauce, don't forget that!!

I think its down to your son to say nicely to hes grandparents as Covid restrictions are what they are its best they dont visit,as hes the one who doesnt want them there.

It’s not clear, but if the son has rescinded an invitation then, of course, he should deliver the message himself.

If the OP has passed the message on, on behalf of her parents, then I can see why the son has said no mum they can’t come. If the OP is sick of being in the middle, then she needs to stop putting herself in the middle by passing on messages from her parents.

If the grandparents in this scenario had said they were not comfortable about mixing over Christmas because of Omicron, then I would completely understand and wouldn’t judge them for it at all.

Therefore, I cannot judge the son for making the same decision.

I don’t think the responsibility of this message is yours. Let’s your son talk to his grandparents , explain and take responsibility. Hope it works out ok

Sorry but I'm with your son on this. They nearly lost a child 2 years ago, covid rates are soaring, people are being told not to mix if they can and your parents want to visit. Sounds like your parents are not so careful so son is right though he should message them and tell them.

This is your son's decision about his interaction with his grandparents. He has to sort it out.

I take the op to mean that grandparents were invited, until the latest update.
Her son then changed his mind.

I don't like this at all. Firstly your son and DIL are completely overreacting. Isn't it your parents who should be feeling more 'vulnerable', if anyone?

It sounds like you see your GC often, but it's your parents who are elderly and who knows what's around the corner or how many Christmases they have left to share with you.

I'd do a lovely lunch for you and your parents, and you see your GC, another day. People get FAR too strung up over Christmas, it's just like any other Sunday roast dinner lunch, only with presents. There's so much pressure on everyone, it's mentally draining.

Other than that, to be honest I'd just say you are having a 'quiet one' and stop at home with your OH.

I feel sad for you that you are shouldering all this, it's not your responsibility
to tell your parents, about your son's decisions, it's HIS choice. Let him tell them

*He just needs to put on his big boy pants!
Stop relying on Mummy to do things he doesn't want to do*

But did he even invite them in the first place?

If he did, then yes, he should let them know they are no longer invited.

But it seems to me that he didn’t invite them, that they have just assumed they are invited and have communicated this via the OP, rather than contacting their grandson directly.

So perhaps his grandparents should have ran it past their grandson in the first place.

Perhaps the OP could clarify?

I agree.

MissAdventure

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to differ.
I'm certainly not here to justify the OP's son or her parents.
I don't know why some of you get so insenced by others' opinions.

He just needs to put on his big boy pants!
Stop relying on Mummy to do things he doesn't want to do.

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to differ.
I'm certainly not here to justify the OP's son or her parents.
I don't know why some of you get so insenced by others' opinions.

So why are people so against the boundaries that he finds acceptable? To the point of mocking his family?

Perhaps because when he says 'Jump' everyone asks how high?

It seems strange that he's happy for his parents to babysit while he and his wife go to work.
I can understand caution as their older child was so poorly but they don't sound overly cautious themselves and are happy to use the OP as a childminder.
Some so-called Covid babies are becoming fearful of others because of lack of socialising, it is a problem.
But how many under 5s have died of Covid?

If he doesn't want to see his grandparents that is up to him and up to him to tell them not rely on his mother to sort all his problems for him.

He's old enough to work, have a family so old enough to use some diplomacy and tell them himself.

Enjoy your birthday, joanna and let them sort themselves out. See your parents if you want to, your Mum may be getting upset by all this that's why she is a bit difficult.
??

We do not know how the son gets along with the GPs and what kind of GPs were with him

With his son so sick at only 2 years old, every xmas is super special for the parents. Every xmas could be our last.
The lack of sympathy for what son and wife went through is very much present on the thread.

OP's parents are in late 70s and early 80s, they have had decades of xmas holidays and adjusting to what his gc (the son) wants is not such a huge compromise.
Yes, it is cold, its December in the UK! Did you expect the son to be able to modify that for the comfort of OP's parents?
The grandparents are used to getting their way and they do not like to be told no. That is the problem

I can't really understand some of the replies.

People get to choose who they want to spend special days with, with or without Covid

Wow!
Covid is the danger and Covid is the enemy to everyone on the planet.
People are stressed by what's been going on and people have different views, but let's not encourage each other to view our family members as the enemy!
Joanna12 sounds like a reasonable, loving daughter, parent and grandparent and just asked for some advice.
It's not really our place to say the children's parents are overreacting and obsessed.
Covid is now among the top ten causes of death in children and Joanna's four-year-old grandchild may have a compromised immune system. Children and young people with no apparent co-morbidities have died.
The parents have the right to decide what they are comfortable with to protect their children.
There is a lot of confusion about risk, but I'm absolutely sure the great grandparents would not want to make the children ill. If they do go into a huff, that's their decision and not a good enough reason to risk the health of the youngest in the family. There is always the option of "seeing" them on Zoom, Whatsapp or whatever..... although it's obviously not the same.
Hopefully Joanna has explained/agreed a compromise with her parents and they will all be able to meet up properly in a more relaxed and safe way, come the spring.