Am I selfish/bad for wanting to enjoy my new year’s weekend instead of running errands for my mom?

Given your reaction to her request for a lift to the mall anyone with any pride at all would not ask you again.

I think nadateturbe's suggestion is spot on. There are clearly communication issues here.

Sounds to me like your mum's acting the martyr cos, as you say,you didn't jump high enough. As your dad has Covid you're going to be ringing & checking in anyway, so I should just ignore the "silent treatment" I know it can be hurtful -but -only if you let it hurt you. Just act a bit thick-skinned and brash and pretend not to notice she's any different. She'll sulk less if she thinks you haven't noticed her sulking.Hope they are both OK btw

I think the two of you need to improve communication.

She offered to reimburse you. Probably doesn't speak to you for fear of wasting your precious time.

No, silent treatment in this case is NOT ok

She wanted to know you would jump as high as she wanted you to

But I still didn’t get any responses about my mom using the silent treatment on me. Is it okay for parents to give their adult children the silent treatment if they’re not always available to help them?

I asked here if I should feel guilty of not going to the mall for my mom because whenever I don’t say yes immediately my mom doesn’t speak to me or seems mad.
Let me point out something that happened a few weeks ago and you’ll judge based on that. One time she asked me for a ride. This is how the conversation went:

Mom- can you please drive me somewhere tomorrow afternoon? I’m not sure if your dad will come late and I don’t want to spend money on Uber because it’s expensive. I’d rather pay you for gas instead of Uber.

Me- okay just comfirm with me tomorrow if you need the ride but please try to go with my dad.
(I said this because I normally have responsibilities after work so I would have to stop doing some things to help my mom)

The next day comes and I don’t hear back from my mom. I start to guess that she’s mad. I text her before leaving work to see if she still needs a ride from me and she says: “No, I took Uber”. So she basically ignored me instead of confirming if she wanted me to pick her up as I had told her. And why would she take Uber if she said it was expensive? The way I see it is that she victimized herself and wanted me to feel bad for not saying yes. Like she expects me to say: “Oh sure mommy, even though I have a busy schedule I will always be there for you. I will go wherever you want at any time”.
That’s why I feel a little bit of resentment. I cannot say no because my mom will act like this. It’s not like I said: “No, I won’t drive you” but told her I would do it but try to go with dad if it was possible. I have to even be careful with my words when I speak to her. And I thought it was rude that she did whatever she wanted, took Uber, and decided not to talk to me.
Also, if she spends money at the mall here and there, why is Uber so expensive? She has money to shop but not for Uber.

I remember my mum complaining that my GP had no idea what it was like trying to run a home, work full-time and cope with being a parent/grandparent herself.

Certainly my mum complains a lot less about 'needing' things that my GP did.

MAYBEMAW I feel you are being very harsh

And definitely below the belt to say that gransnet members are a bunch of strangers that she would rather speak to

I personally have found gransnet members to be very helpful and kind to me Yes I guess you could say they are strangers to me but sometimes you need to speak to someone that is not family and that are not involvement

For me that is the beauty and benefit of gransnet

Please be kind with your words they are powerful and we don't really know the state of anyone's mind and only want to be responsible for making them feel better and not throw them over the edge with our words

When we arrived dad called to make sure I had picked up mom. I was on the phone and my mom couldn’t wait 5 minutes for me. She just got out of the car and went to greet her grandchildren
Did it not occur to OP that her mum was letting her have her conversation in privacy ?
Would most of us not rush to greet our grandchildren rather than earwig on a phone call?
Perhaps OP was being selfish chatting on the phone, does it take five minutes just to say, yes, we’re here ?
Whatever - mountain, molehill.
But one very resentful and disgruntled daughter who would rather moan to total strangers than sort out her family relationships

Oh dear Browneyes87 , I don’t know whether you are being selfish or not without knowing you personally as yours seems such a complicated story. I also remember your previous post where you thought your husband was also being taken for granted by his son your step son. So all in all maybe all this pressure weighs heavily on you both.
Do hope you work things out soon.

I find it very odd that the OP didn't like Mom jumping out of the car to to greet the OP's nieces/nephews while OP was taking a phone call.

The world doesn’t always revolve around her
Nor you either, OP.

Actually, this is all very odd indeed.

The fact that you are still going on about the other things which irritate you about your mother , OP says to me it’s a lot more than the impact on your NYE social life. Has the relationship always been as bad as this?
Running a few errands is hardly being a slave to ageing parents, unless your resentment has made it seem that in your eyes. It all sounded initially like an enormous over reaction, but then you go on about the fact that you say your mum was ungrateful when you drove her to your brothers for Thanksgiving. Why? You were going anyway and leaving work an hour early is not a massive sacrifice unless that chip is already firmly wedged on your shoulder. So she got out of the car to greet the family. Thoughtless maybe but hardly “treating you like a chauffeur”. Isn’t giving our parents lifts to family events what most of us do or have had done for us?
So it’s more than “going to the mall” or doing some favours for your mum/parents.
And that is something only you can address.

Chardy no one said anything about being a slave to ageing parents. Just not complaining when asked to help out when they can't get out themselves. Obviously, people have different standards and expectations of care on this forum.

Why can't she drive, Browneyes
I thought everyone drove from a young age in America, I'm surprised she doesn't. Or use the internet.

Perhaps I've missed something that explains why.

Cabbie21

Exactly. She is no age, not disabled, normally healthy. She sounds like the selfish one.

I thought she should be isolating if her DH has Covid?
Perhaps it's different in the States.

Exactly. She is no age, not disabled, normally healthy. She sounds like the selfish one.

No you're not selfish or bad Browneyes87.
You've provided appropriate help to your parents in their current situation.
As your mother is reasonably young still (ie similar age to me!) and has no physical or health problems, she really needs a nudge to be more proactive and stop expecting you to run around pandering to her.
You could have another thirty years of this... ?

May I ask if you do any mother daughter activities?

How often and why does she initiate contact with you?

OP

I would put in a calendar how many hours a week you invest on your mother (her wants)

Being a good daughter doesnt mean becoming her servant

Thank you can also be expressed with actions - your mother doesnt seem to appreciate what you do for her.

Aveline

I expect your mother had a busy life too but somehow managed to care for you when you needed it. She deserves some consideration now.

We chose to have children, run round after them, wipe their noses, feed them, to be a slave to family for a couple of decades.
We didn't chose to be a slave to aging parents Aveline

OP, ignore the aggressive posters - it sounds like you’re starting to establish some good boundaries which will stand you in good dead.

Well Browneyes it doesn't seem as black and white as it did originally. It seems like your mum likes shopping a lot. If she didn't learn to drive of course her husband will take her. But that problem is between her and your dad.
But you weren't her "chauffeur" just because she got out of the car five minutes before you. And she does thank you when you do "favours". But then you say she's quiet the rest of the day. I'm not sure what you mean.
Maybe someone could do the minivan journey with her once or twice and she might realise it gives her some independence.
You sound very tired.

I also don’t like my mom’s attitude sometimes. I don’t want to sound like I hate her, but I would love it if she showed some gratitude for the things I do for her. For Thanksgiving we went to my brother’s house. My parents were going to arrive on their own but my mom asked if she could go with me instead. My dad was going to be out of work late. So I left work an hour earlier to pick up mom and we went to my brother’s house. When we arrived dad called to make sure I had picked up mom. I was on the phone and my mom couldn’t wait 5 minutes for me. She just got out of the car and went to greet her grandchildren. I felt like her chauffeur that day.
When I do her a favor, she says thanks and she’s silent for the rest of the day. Like, I don’t think I owe her anything. The world doesn’t always revolve around her.

At first when I read the title I already decided that you probably were being selfish BUT you definitely are NOT being selfish

You are there for them getting the necessity and even offered that she come stay at your house you have been running to the shops for them so you have been a Good daughter

It's Important that you take care of yourself otherwise how are you going to continue to take care of them

Go out and have some relaxation and fun you definitely deserve it

Hopefully your dad will be well again soon

Your mother is not helpless now - she is playing that role.

How about uber eats, amazon, walmart grocery delivery, etc?

The only way for her to use the available public transport is for you to say no.