Exhausted with entertaining grandchild

Gosh, it's exhausting just reading this thread Lots of interesting suggestions though and it's making me think about what I can realistically expect of myself in the quest to be a good grandma to our just-about-to-toddle granddaughter.

Husband and I are both in 70s. I'm physically and mentally more knackered than he is so I need him there to wrestle with heavy lifting and the complexities of the car seat and the fiendish fastener on the buggy.

So far we have made a good team but cracks are beginning to show! We are both control freaks and there's a certain amount of stress creeping into the partnership. From a selfish point of view I'm the expert, 'cos I read the baby book, don't I? So when DH starts using a stern voice to a 14 month old on why she shouldn't do things I then have to further deplete my low energy banks by giving him a lecture. Then there's the nappy changing scenario. Takes two of us.. him at the "Keep her hands occupied" end, me at the business end confronting some brain numbing popper configuration followed by horrendous reveal of poo spreadage ... then DH makes loud vomiting noises and I have to deliver a lecture on how he'll give her a complex about her body functions ...It's all so exhausting .. I have enough trouble dealing with my own bowels!

No, I'm living in fantasy land. I need to re-think what contribution I can reasonably make.

In the meantime does anyone have contact details for Supernanny?

He will soon be a sulky teenager I do know what you mean though mine are 8, 6 and 4! I don`t have them stay though as I don`t have any room.

I do feel for you and can completely identify with what you are saying. I sometimes used to feel guilty reading posts on here as much as I love my grandchildren, I love the rest of my life too. I accept now that we are all different. They are exhausting at that age and it's a big ask I think.

Very much agreeing with Peasblossom here - 2-3 days looking after a grandchild is OK once a month and should be cherished because soon you won't be needed, but you don't have to be 'present' all day long. The 5.am start is a bit too much - maybe you can put him to bed a little later to encourage a lie in, or let him know that when he wakes he can play all by himself doing what he wants to do in his bedroom until grandma/pa comes to get him. I also think it's worth asking his parents whether they 'attend' to him 24/7 and if so - why and how do they actually do that and keep house/jobs?

I think a lot must depend on the child itself though. I'd like to see some of you spend a day with my GS, who has the attention span of a goldfish and literally does not sit still for 30 seconds. Even when he's watching one of his favourite TV programmes, he's constantly fidgeting around and bouncing up and down. He goes out for long walks with the dog and I try to do things like baking or crafts with him, but it's very difficult when he just won't sit still. I dread to think what he's going to be like when he goes to P1 in the autumn. His poor teachers...

I find my 4 year old grandson a lot harder than my 2 Granddaughters. DGS into cars superheroes etc DGD 5 will sit and play with princesses and Barbies my eldest loves her back scratched for no end of time she’s 9 ?

I would travel 1+half hour to mind GS, then GD, arriving at 7.30am. Yes, it was playing endlessly with trains, dinosaurs, dolls, tea parties but the saviour for me was Peppa Pig, Mr Tumble, Mr Bloom, which gave me a well earned break. Yes, we went to the park, swings, drink and cake, but make a daily plan and stick to it.

I care for my grandaughter every day and am exhausted! She is 3 on in a few weeks and have been doing it since she was 3 months old. I also have a grandson from my daughter who is now 11 but was still working and younger when I cared for him. She is a ball of energy with tent making and chase me Gran games. I can barely move when I go home! However this is the only time I do see her. I drive everyday for more than a half hour to go there to do this. I feel much older than 63 it has taken it's toll. There is no one to spell me as it is just me. COVID has limited the options here for her to go part time to a daycare so it is not an option. School is done here by online learning for the older ones. I feel for you!

You could be describing my DGS Blondiescot. I'm pretty sure he's hyperactive, as his mother was, but he's even more so.

Climbing, jumping, racing up and downstairs. I'm used to it now but he's a different category to some of his friends.

Nursery was hard to start with but he's gradually acclimatising. The behaviour notes home have slowed down.

I have my suspicions that he could be hyperactive or something similar, to be honest. Thank god he was able to continue going to nursery throughout the pandemic, as I don't think we'd have been able to cope otherwise.

I really enjoy playing with my grandchildren. I like to read to them make up stories watch their films and do lots of creative artwork .

I do find them tiring .
I find the park a bit much .
I don't like bad manners and rudeness .

I'm only very sad that my daughter finds playing with her child boring and hates any kind of mess from baking and artwork .
Certainly her offspring is
well loved and cared for - otherwise I would be hugely concerned .

Childhood is so fleeting ...embrace and enjoy it .

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

At our age, not that you mention how old you are, we are not meant to be looking after 3 year-olds non-stop for 24 hours or so.

Why on earth is a child that age staying overnight? Do his parents work shifts?

Be honest with his parents and tell them that neither you nor your husband can keep up with a healthy, energetic, adorable grandson of three for more than six to eight hours at a time.

You love having him, but until he is older and can understand that you can't play non-stop for hours, you will have to not have him staying overnight.

Our grandson just left with his parents and I am not quite as exhausted as usual. He was here for 3 nights (4 full days). I did tell him to play on his own a few times a day and he would for about 5 minutes but that was long enough to allow us to catch our breath. It is minus 15-20 outside so although we did go out everyday, it was only for 10 minutes but it did help before nap time. Nap he slept for 1h each day! I had plenty of time to clean up and just relax a bit.
He helped me make cookies and would sit in his chair for meals when I insisted that he did.
Colouring, painting, tv, ipad is not something that an HDHD child can just do on his own. He need to be standing and jumping or moving. I found dancing/learning videos on you tube that he loved (Tooty Ta from Jack Hartmann) that he loved.
He is getting a bit older and it was a bit easier. He is also starting to use words which I think allows him to lower his outburst because he can better express himself and be understood. I realize that at 3 he should be speaking but he just started a month ago and has about 30 words now.
And the biggest thing is I told his parents that we would take him no more than 2 nights in a row for now unless they have something special going on and until he gets a bit older. We would also love to have him for the day without him necessarily sleeping over (they live 10 minutes away).
We were good for the first 2 nights but on the last day (night 3 and day 4) is when we started feeling impatient and overwhelmed. They agreed to split these 4 days into 2 different times so we will still have him as often during the month.

My DGS (aged 2) can reliably watch 'Puffin Island' (Netflix) for quite a long time. I sometimes watch it with him, and I've learned a lot of natural history! Definitely educational and fun too.

I also take GS to the local pub. It has a huge garden with a wendy house, which he loves, as well as swings and slides. I have a cup of tea while he tires himself out. I do have to be very careful though, because there's a river along one boundary. Although it is 'fenced' I can't divide my attention!

Mamou, my first thought on reading your OP was "Does he have ADHD or similar?", but I think that you answered that question later in the thread. I sympathise with your situation (especially the getting up at 5 am) as I have ADHD (diagnosed bar one) grandkids and a niece, and they are/were totally exhausting, even for an afternoon. I have no qualifications in this field, so what I have put is from my observations and experience of them, along with what their parents have told me.
What their parents found was that lots of energetic activity made the kids even more energetic and restless, and that they needed downtime to help their brains relax. Fiddle toys proved useful as they always need to be doing something physical, however small, to aid concentration.
DGSs still enjoy "Granny-time", even though they are now 11 and 15 As 3-year olds, a trip out for a drink and a cake after a walk to the local cafe or a bus ride filled the need for exercise and downtime. In the case of one, it was a bus ride to the local museum which was interactive and child-friendly - lots of buttons and levers, and covers to look under - and an ice-cream afterwards. (We became great friends with the stuffed polar bear in the arctic display!)
A trip to the local play area (plus a ball) was always good. Yes, I got exhausted pushing the swing or coping with balls coming in my direction, so when I was approaching my limit of physical activity, I just let them know that Granny needed a rest, or, if it was nearly a meal time, "5 more pushes" and when the swing stops, it's time to go! Then we could have a bit of screen-time once back. I still miss Dora the Explorer and The Night Garden
Showing me how (well) they could skip, hop, run etc meant that I didn't have to be very active myself! One ADHD DGD, now 8, spent some time recently showing me how well she can hula-hoop, so that still works even as they get older!
All have enjoyed drawing and painting, but one has needed a "fidget cushion" to sit on or he literally still can't sit at a table long enough.
I am not in any sense a maternal type, and have always had physical limitations, but I have enjoyed the company of my DGCs, even if not the energy required!
It sounds to me as if you are too tired/exhausted to enjoy your DGS, and perhaps you need to talk to his parents and say you can't manage it for so long. They need to look after you lest they find you can no longer manage it! My family has been very good about making sure visits and babysitting wouldn't be too much for me. Maybe they could suggest things you could do or easy meals. It also occurs to me that if you could stay at his house to do the babysitting, he might be more settled. On the other hand, they may be using a visit to you to recover from their exhaustion!
As far as possible, the important thing is to enjoy time with your DGS, so make sure you have control over activities and do things you both can enjoy. Make sure you get enough rest, and do as another Gransnetter put about what time is getting up time. A special Granny clock could work wonders! And would a slightly later bedtime be an option? We have the rule that "What happens at Granny's house stays at Granny's house"!! So a later bedtime could be a treat, and might mean a later start time!
Do take care of yourself, and my apologies for such a long post.

I was 75 when my first gs was born and 2 years later there was a brother. Am now 80 and I also find caring for them is really tiring, much though I love them. They’re gorgeous, naughty, affectionate children. The family lived with me for about 18 months and that was very busy but I loved it.

OP

Has your gc officially diagnosed with adhd?

If not, trying to put a medical label to a possibly normal level of energy and behaviour for his age is not recommendable.

Children this age are exhausting, why do you think parents of young kids, maybe working full time, are tired, have little time for anything else?

When my dad used to look after my two, his favourite game for them was ‘let’s see who can get to sleep first’ !!

Agree peasblossom. My three year olds that can play by themselves are so much easier to look after and their learning grows much better. Three sons four grandchildren later I can see a difference when I looked after them.

What a joy to read this post!!
I adore both my GC but always have the little dread before my “shift” starts
They are both wonderful and so good but my brain just isn’t focused on endless stories and tea party games
I feel so bad about it but I was the same with their mother! Hilariously she knows. I sometimes feel like that woman who plays Anna Maxwell Martins mother character in Motherland!!

It might sound counter intuitive if you are finding one child exhausting but could you find another?
I was always thrilled when a little friend knocked on the door to play with any of my 4 children.
I feel the same with the grandchildren.
They go off and play together and don't want your interference.
All you have to do is provide food , sort out possible squabbles ..... and clear up the mess afterwards, of course ( but I always find that easier than entertaining a small child !)

I found that teaching my 3 year old , and later her younger sister, to read cut out any boredom for me and enter them for hours. I used flash cards and labelled almost everything in the house. We treated it as a game and they loved it . My daughters did it with their little ones and they were avid readers by the time they went to school.

TRISHER. I love the idea of Sleeping Bear. Sadly my grandchildren are too old now to enjoy that game, but I will pass it on to my daughters and anyone who might find it useful. It sounds such fun.
MAMOU. As so many have agreed, small children can be exhausting. Some need more physical activity than others and with the amount of time you are helping out with your grandson then it's no wonder you are feeling exhausted. I have grandsons and used to help out a lot and I often longed for their parents to get home. I often used to look at the clock and think " Oh No! It's only 9am. It feels as if we've been on the go for hours " My daughters have laughed with me over both those thoughts.
Good luck. Don't feel guilty. You are doing a great job by the sound of it and you will get out of it what you put in. You have an active grandchild there. All my grandsons and one of my daughters were like that. It IS tiring.

I just remember now the good times with my GDs (now 15 and 17), although we did feel shattered by the time they returned home. It did make me realise why parents have children at their ages and not ours! We are delighted that they still like to come to us for sleepovers and talk about life, the universe and all that. Must admit to sitting down with a glass of gin when they leave!