How everything has changed in 15 years

I must admit I found it hard at first so We just let them get on with it & find their own way(we had to) which was good for everyone its not rocket science & I trusted them now a few years in its great although I cringe sometimes at certain things ???

Oh dear!! Not only did I have my own six children (including twins), but also fostered very many small (pre-adoptive, etc. )babies.
Yet can so well remember the first time one of my daughters entrusted her few weeks old baby (who I looked after for a couple of days each week) for an overnight stay!!!

I was so terrified during that night, that several times, each time I did a loo visit, I would lean over the cot in which she was sleeping, firstly gently stroking her cheek to try to get her to move. I had totally forgotten how babies sleeping is so motionless. Felt just as I had with my own first born

For food, I just gave her whatever her mum had left for me to use. She was well into toddler stage before I was brave enough to branch out on my own.

My DiLs are both quite laid back. I have never had any arguments about what to do. In fact recently with both families in the house the eldest were clamouring for ice cream - both sets of parents are quite strict about restricting sweet food and there were many conflicting views as to whether they should be allowed an ice cream. It was Christmas, and the grandparents are allowed to spoil them a bit, of course. DiL2 held up her hands and said "I'm staying out of this!" We compromised with an ice lolly each in the end.

When DS1 brings the DGS he says "You'll manage". I just report back about what they have eaten, what nappy changes have taken place and, if they have stayed overnight, whether they have bathed or showered. We all seem to be on the same wavelength. They seem to trust us and respect that we have experience (daren't tell them that I've forgotten quite a bit) and we are aware of their general principles.

I think sot boiled eggs are not recommended before a certain age now.
I just asked for a list of dos and don'ts.

I made my 3year old Aussie GD a soft boiled egg and 'soldiers' while baby-sitting her on my last visit. Her Peruvian dad reacted as though I had fed her hemlock, when I mentioned it. He went on the internet and quoted lots of references to how dangerous they are, and they MUST be hard-boiled! I will comply, next time I'm there, but surely Aussie eggs aren't that dangerous? Anyway, she survived the experience, and loved the egg...and smashing Humpty Dumpty drawn on it, after she'd finished.
How did we, and our children survive?

My daughter was given conflicting advice in hospital regarding breast feeding.
A doctor came along and I asked him how two nurses on the same ward, with the same training could have such different views.
He just looked shame faced and said "well, it's down to opinion, really".

That’s a good idea Niobe, the Red Cross do a really good Baby and Child app for first aid, it has short video clips for each circumstance

Not all experts are in agreement. I was told one thing by the midwife, then the GP arrived ( a young father himself) and told me the complete opposite! She wanted the baby swaddled and well covered, he said she was far too hot, and removed almost everything. It was August. They also differed on how she should sleep, but as she turned out to be a sicky baby, it was not wise to put her on her back. The young doctor got it right every time. So be careful who you listen to.

Like I said, it's not really for individual babies, it's to cover all

Most babies will have a developed immune system by 1 year... So the guidance for sterilising is one year

We cannot possibly know if individual babies are ready before then so 1 year is the standard. .

This is because, no matter how many mums who stopped sterilising early and had absolutely no issues, there will be a few mums who did have issues and possibly seriously ill babies.

If a parent wants to follow guidelines no matter how ridiculous some think them, imagine being the one to insist it's fine not to follow them and the worst happened

VioletSky I agree, things change so much it's hard to keep up! One of the things I remember from my firstborn was to sterilise everything! If the dummy drops, sterilise it, etc. etc. and this was to continue till they were 1, so my poor boy went from sterilised everything one day to sterilised nothing the next. Same with milk, boil and cool it till aged 1 then straight from the fridge the next. So many 'rules' if followed religiously were quite daft, that's why I think each should do as they think right. Most kids survive our attempts at bringing them up unscathed despite everything.

This makes me glad this question was asked... People get very defensive over their past ways of doing things which were fine at the time but which may very well cause friction with their daughters/DIL now.

Things that change are just to keep all babies safe, not individual babies who develop at different rates.

As an example, my mother gave my 4 month old ice cream after I said no. At the point I was saying, why did you give him that when I said he isn't allowed it? He threw it up all over her. She was furious and said that she had given me ice-cream at that age and I was fine... I said, well, he is not me and you should have listened to me.

Back in the 90s I had this conversation with a health visitor:

HV: So how much formula is (9 month old) baby taking?
Me: He isn’t. He has doorstep milk, as much as he likes, along with a mixed diet.
HV in horror: Oh no, you mustn’t give under ones doorstep milk. It’s dangerous for babies.
Me: His 5ft 2 ten-year old brother survived ok on doorstep milk from 6 months.
HV (sagely): Ah, yes, but babies have changed a lot in the last ten years.

I asked her to leave

missdeke

I was only mentioning a few guidelines I know that have changed because that's what was asked

Large gaps between my eldest and youngest too so things changed many times between my 5.

I followed the guidelines at the time because you are told the reasoning, given information booklets, the health visitor goes over them with you etc

So many new parents do the same.

Of course some don't but in those cases, as you say, parents will state what they want for baby

My DS was on solids at 10 weeks!! Eek. He was permanently hungry as a baby and is now 6ft 6!

‘Playing’

When I first started looking after my grandkids…. they came with written instructions…. the first one was fed only fresh foods( mashed) no salt no sugar … only one small banana a day…all that sort of thing. I followed all the rules ….. by the time the second appeared five years later it had all gone out the window!! They are both healthy happy kids and the 14 year old is now 6’1”….. and got a few years growing to go! Doesn’t really matter what the rules are…. As long as they get plenty of love/ cuddles/ kisses and plying with gran. Then they will grow up beautiful, strong and healthy!

VioletSky

I would honestly say, be there for the parents. Come when you are asked to visit, put them first, bring food, offer practical help around the house...

The rest, just follow their lead, I'm sure any time they ask you to look after your grandchild they will give instructions... As long as you follow them I can't see anything going wrong really.

Huge amounts haven't changed honestly. Safe sleeping is a priority. Don't offer solids until 6 months. Some things like cot bumpers no longer get used as often. The rest is still quite individual like dummies and breastfeeding/formula, baby led weaning or pre made foods etc. Nothing huge that I am aware of

My first baby is 50 this year, he was a very hungry baby and I was advised to start him on baby rice at 10 days old. He ended up with a very robust digestion until a swim in the Ganges resulted in giardia. He was never fussy over food and ate whatever was put in front of him.

Safe sleeping advice at the time was to lay them on their fronts.

By the time I had my fourth 15 years later things changed with respect to sleeping position, lay them on their backs. Also no solids till 4 months, she turned out to be incredibly fussy over food.

So I think advice does change and I think all parents should go by instinct and what seems best for their own child, and any baby minding grandparents should do what is asked of them.

I'm really a bit amazed that 'rules' seem to be imposed by some parents on how the GPs should care for the GC. These are after all people who have been parents themselves and surely know a thing or two about babies!

When our GC were tiny (and a few of them still are) their parents were usually more than happy to hand them over and run and let us get on with it! The only things I ever asked about were how much to feed them (be it formula or solids), what size nappies they currently wore (though they usually arrived with supplies), and did they prefer to sleep on back, tummy or side. Other than that I just cared for them they same way I had my own. When I once queried something with one of my DILs she said "Oh just do what you think best. You've had three kids, this is my first, you probably know a lot better than me!" Basically babies don't change, only the current thinking (and fashion) on how we should care for them. Though one modern innovation I really love is the Tommee Tippee baby milk machines, so easy and silent at night.

Check with the parents if you feel you should but otherwise just follow your instincts.

Great that it works. Perhaps though, there needs to be a small amount of give and take. If parents agree to childcare for free on a regular basis- it is totally correct to follow instructions given- and be 'given guidance' - but with some common sense flexibility. GPs are not robots either. I have friends who have looked after children full time and the stress of totally rigid guidelines, and open criticism, etc- was unpleasant.

How things have changed! I would not have dreamt of giving instructions to my mum or my mother in law when they looked after my children.
My daughter didn't give me instructions either and didn't mind if things were done a bit differently in our house, though I always did things her way in her house.
My youngest grandchild has been brought up rather differently, to say the least, and has really only settled down since she started school, and got some order and routine in her life, much to her father’s relief.

I asked my daughter in law to write everything down for me. She almost cried with relief and told me that her mum would get really cross if given any guidance. Works atreat for us both and most importantly for DGS

Lucca

trisher

I agree with just follow the parent's rules. But I would say ask for instructions on how some of the equipment works and time to practice. Some of the buggies are easy if you know how and hell if you don't!

My daughter in law made videos of how to work the double buggy, the tv, the cooker, the washing machine. Very useful !

What a great idea! The problem is if you only use the thing occassionally you forget how to do it, so a video is a fantastic idea.

Ask the parents...simple

trisher

I agree with just follow the parent's rules. But I would say ask for instructions on how some of the equipment works and time to practice. Some of the buggies are easy if you know how and hell if you don't!

My daughter in law made videos of how to work the double buggy, the tv, the cooker, the washing machine. Very useful !

My friend was horrified when her dil put ice cubes on her babies feet to stop her falling asleep during feeding. I mentioned it to my daughter and she said she had been told by a nurse to do that too.