How do new Grans keep up with all the new ways to feed babies and what you can/cannot do now. I raised three kids youngest 16, and want to help son and daughter in law as much as I can, but everything changed so much. I don't want to be interfering Gran or keep saying in my day, just a knowledgeable one, but don't know where to start.
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How everything has changed in 15 years
(74 Posts)I looked after DGD when she was a few months old and mum went back to work, and frankly just did what I was told! I was so worried she wouldn't feed or sleep or whatever that I was pleased to be told 'This is what she does'
I would honestly say, be there for the parents. Come when you are asked to visit, put them first, bring food, offer practical help around the house...
The rest, just follow their lead, I'm sure any time they ask you to look after your grandchild they will give instructions... As long as you follow them I can't see anything going wrong really.
Huge amounts haven't changed honestly. Safe sleeping is a priority. Don't offer solids until 6 months. Some things like cot bumpers no longer get used as often. The rest is still quite individual like dummies and breastfeeding/formula, baby led weaning or pre made foods etc. Nothing huge that I am aware of
It is as easy as taking a course - hospitals offer it
You can also follow the rules set by the parents - they should be up to date on baby care
Rules change every so often
I had my kids 2.5 years apart and even rules changed in that period.
My DiLs talked a lot during their pregnancies and early parenthood about how things are done now. I just took it all on board, and then looked online if I wanted more detail.
Most of it actually makes good sense. There have been one or two things where I am not convinced, but I've done my parenting my way and it's up to them now.
I suggest that you just have lots of conversations with them where you show interest in how things have changed. While it is all still new to them, they will probably be very happy to tell you everything you want to know about how things are done now. Just try to keep- and show - an open mind.
As the babies have grown, both dils have relaxed and are very flexible over how I do most things when I'm in charge of the dgc, but they also know that I will follow their lead with anything that they consider important.
When I looked after my two grandchildren twice a week, each one from about 9 months old, I was given a list of instructions/tips by my DD which helped me enormously. Each baby is an individual and their mums know their routine, so I would say take your lead from your daughter-in-law. As said above, some things have changed i.e. sleeping safety, weaning age and so on but much is still the same. Just try to enjoy it once you have a few days under your belt!
VioletSky
I would honestly say, be there for the parents. Come when you are asked to visit, put them first, bring food, offer practical help around the house...
The rest, just follow their lead, I'm sure any time they ask you to look after your grandchild they will give instructions... As long as you follow them I can't see anything going wrong really.
Huge amounts haven't changed honestly. Safe sleeping is a priority. Don't offer solids until 6 months. Some things like cot bumpers no longer get used as often. The rest is still quite individual like dummies and breastfeeding/formula, baby led weaning or pre made foods etc. Nothing huge that I am aware of
Sorry but disagree about no solids until six months! Mine started earlier and all my GC have too.
I don’t like the idea of “rules”. Guidelines maybe and obviously safety rules but not hard and fast rules,
Lucca
You can disagree all want with the 6 month before solid rule, it is what the medical world recommends.
Lucca
I'm sure you can disagree with current guidelines but that doesn't change that many parents will follow them and expect their families to respect that
You might see if there is a grandparenting course in your area. Sometimes they are offered for this exact reason.
Lucca
There has been at least one study indicating that children who were not breastfed and who received solids prior to 6 months had a higher incidence of obesity as toddlers.
VioletSky
Lucca
I'm sure you can disagree with current guidelines but that doesn't change that many parents will follow them and expect their families to respect that
Did I say I wouldn’t follow what the parents want ??
Obviously I do what they say, but to be honest we are nearly always on the same page and I never ever make any suggestions unless asked.
So a little less jumping down my throat thanks,
agnurse
You might see if there is a grandparenting course in your area. Sometimes they are offered for this exact reason.
Lucca
There has been at least one study indicating that children who were not breastfed and who received solids prior to 6 months had a higher incidence of obesity as toddlers.
Said children were all breastfed.
Some small amounts if solids given in addition at 4 or 5 months
I'm not sure what you mean Lucca?
I'm not in charge of guidelines or who will/won't follow them
Mayo clinic.org
“ But by ages 4 months to 6 months, most babies are ready to begin eating solid foods as a complement to breast-feeding or formula-feeding. During this time babies typically stop using their tongues to push food out of their mouths and begin to develop the coordination to move solid food from the front of the mouth to the back for swallowing.”
Basically, my DD said and i did.
Made things run so smooth. 
It might seem scary to start with, but things fall into place pretty quickly. The sleeping on the back makes it a lot easier because you can see their colour and if they are breathing. The sleeping bags get twisted all round them, but there is no worry about overheating or being cold. I found the baby led weaning a bit scary but my DD gave me a leaflet and it made sense. I daren't count know how many broken bananas ended up on the floor when I first started!
Oh and I did keep saying in my day because it was nice to share the trials and tribulations of 25 years ago with the real person!
Just enjoy it all, it passes so quickly.
I was worried about looking after my grandson too and mentioned to his mother that I was going to register for a paediatric first aid course. She thought that it would be a brilliant idea for herself, her parents and us todo it together and arranged for the trainer to come to the house to do the course with us. DiL’s sister joined us to make up numbers so it was worth the trainer coming out to us.
That's a good idea Niobe. There are also laminated first aid cards for infants that you could pin inside your kitchen cupboards for quick reference.
And always keep your phone charged and handy.
Basically you do as you are told . New parents are very well up on the latest ideas some of which make more sense than the rules we followed.
I was given a detailed wad of instructions which we did our best to keep to.
It had been over 30 years since we had anything to do with babies and were nervous initially but took to it again quite quickly.
As an aside best not to say ‘in my day’, it seems to irritate 
silverlining48
As an aside best not to say ‘in my day’, it seems to irritate
Oh yes, I just realised it's daughter in law so my previous comment about sharing with my DD wouldn't apply to OP.
So-called rules change constantly, in fact the rules re weaning changed between my oldest and youngest.
Just ask the parents what "they" prefer.
However, do make sure you know and stick to their rules.
Ask for a demonstration re new-fangled pushchairs, bottles, car seats, sleeping position etc etc and note well.
New-fangled pushchairs can be a nightmare! As can car seats.
silverlining48
As an aside best not to say ‘in my day’, it seems to irritate
Oh, definitely a no-no.
Like Oldnproud, I am happy to listen to dil giving me advice on how to bring up gc. Things have changed and mostly for the better. However, never forget or undervalue the experience you have. It will all come back to you though looking after someone else’s child is more of a worry than looking after your own.
I often look on parenting sites to see what current mothers are discussing and recommending. It updates my knowledge and is interesting.
However, on taking my gc to a popular sensory play centre I have realised that in fact they experience far more at home with us oldies! It’s not all about playing with the latest electronic toys, though these have a place. They do also go to nursery but here with us they have two attentive oldies who love to play, read the same books over and over again, take them out for walks, to the shops, etc and have endless time and energy to enjoy their company. We have lots of saved books, toys and puzzles from when our children were young. We clear away any potential hazards before they arrive.
We certainly listen and follow advice from their parents but honestly, the basics of childbearing haven’t changed that much. Lots of common sense.
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