Changing behaviour

I had the exact same thing about 25 years ago. I was concerned my mum was just different, had changed, and could actually be quite unpleasant at times.

We only saw them a few times a year at the time, so to me, it was noticeable.

One night, when they were staying with us, mum went in the bath, and I took the opportunity to talk to dad. Happened very rarely.

He had noticed too...and had talked to the GP, who said he thought it was medication she was taking.

I seem to remember she became a little better over the next few years, but my dad became ill, and after he died, my relationship with my mum broke down.

Definitely try the GP route though.

No worries CherryCezzy you're not the first and every time it happens I think maybe it's time I should stop smoking; still thinking.

Is your mum taking medication for anything else? My MiL was put on medication for TIA which caused hallucinations as well as forgetting where she was. We hadn’t been told this could happen and the leaflet in the packet of pills didn’t give this as a side effect. It wasn’t until she was in hospital after a fall that one of the doctors suggested she come off them. We then did some research and realised she should not have been put on them due to her age. I’m sorry I can’t remember what the medication was called.

I'm really sorry to hear this about your mum and I can tell that you're a very loving daughter showing genuine concern for her. You're doing everything right.
There could be a number of things going on and her GP should be able to run a range of assessments to rule out any medical, psychological or social causes. I say that because how your mum is presenting could be the result of multiple factors.
Whilst it could be signs of early dementia, it may be a UTI that she's not aware she has. It could also be hyponatraemia which is common and can be managed. This can cause hallucinations (it did in my mum) and she recovered within a week once medics had diagnosed the cause. My mum was also unable to speak over the phone as it was too overwhelming for her.
This could also be anxiety and/or depression. The indicator for me is the drinking and the receding from social interaction. Is she normally a heavy drinker? Or did she used to drink more when she was younger and she's 'regressing' to that time in her life? Do you think your parents' marriage has been a bit strained over the last two years due to the pandemic and them being thrown together more than usual? Is she gaining or losing weight rapidly, or sleeping more or less than is typical for her?
You can contact her GP yourself and discuss your immediate concerns with them. They will advise that any decision to undertake assessments will need to come from your mum; you cannot arrange this for her without her consent. Do you think your mum would be willing to do this?
I really feel for you as it can be very worrying when you see a parent behaving differently, especially when you're not living near them. First step is her GP and I wish you the very best in helping your mum with this. You're being a fantastic daughter.

This sounds a bit like my dear childhood friend, just a few years younger than your DM. We'd have been having the same discussion as yours a year ago. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's a few months ago.

I am with others in thinking your mother needs to see a doctor and be tested for dementia - or any other illnesses with similar symptoms.

The heavy drinking probably stems from the forgetfulness. I had an uncle with dementia, who was used to having a glass of wine in the evening, but ended up consuming a bottle an evening because he had no memory of having had his glass of wine so kept going out to the kitchen to pour it.

You do not say what she drinks, but in the case of my uncle, I started buying small bottles of wine, thirds rather than half bottles. He still wandered off to get his glass of wine, but accepted that if the bottle was empty he had had his wine. I kept the bottles locked away and only put one out every evening. Your father, I am sure would be able to handle this.

My late mother in law had the hallucinations.
Re the telephone conversations. Conversations can be very tiring for sufferers of dementia. It’s the concentration.
I hope you and your father can get the medication going: it really does make a difference.

Oops should read Smileless, sorry - should have previewed!

As Smokeless says vascular dementia is a possibility because beside being disorientated people can have hallucinations. There is another possibility however, your mother may be having focal impaired awareness seizures. The level of impairness the person commonly experiences means that they don't usually realise that they have any awareness at all but the experience is usually preceded by what (many moons ago) used to be called an "aura" (sensory and can be a hallucination). Post ictal (after seizure) experience includes disorientation, the person frequently has no idea what time it is or where s/he is etc.
I agree that your mother needs to see her gp so that he can carry out an assessment.

It's so difficult isn't it when you are trying to help but are far away. If your dad isn't able to succeed in getting her to see her GP, then he should ask to speak to the doctor himself and ask for advice. The doctor may be able to arrange an appointment for a check-up under the guise of something like a medication review, or BP review, and take things forward from there.

The wife of a friend actually made an appointment for herself with their GP and insisted husband accompanied her as she was "anxious" to go herself. It was really her husband who the doctor was to see, but they had agreed this was the best way to go about it.

I think dementia has been more of a concern than alcoholism. I know she doesn’t drink much outside of Christmas festivities but I did wonder if she was forgetting that she was pouring so much. Thanks for your comments

My lovely step dad had vascular dementia and used to hallucinate, seeing other people in the house so I agree that a visit to her GP is in order.

Dementia can not be cured but there is medication to slow down the rate of deterioration. Her drinking could be a problem with alcohol but from what you've posted, could have been due to her forgetting how much she'd already had.

I do hope you can get your dad to get some medical advice Gigi .

It’s not so much her age, but the alcohol that’s the problem. Your Dad should keep an eye on this / and see a Doctor. That’s just my opinion. I hope you will be able to get to the bottom this problem…..best wishes x