Feeling Alone after loosing my husband recently

Sorry, I did not read your post carefully enough. You do, indeed, ssay your husband died recently.

So, please give yourself time. There is no set time to "stop" grieving, I know that sounds dreadful, but grief is a bit like a physical disability - you learn to cope with it.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and the way you are feeling right now.

Your children are wrong, you know, not you. Your love for and relationship with your husband were, and are, two completely different things to your love and relationship to your children.

You do not mention whether your huband's death was very recent, if so I would say not wanting, or rather not being able to do anything but weep sounds very, very normal to me.

You know, perhaps you should make an appointment with your GP.

You ar a woman of faith, so please do turn to those who share your particular faith. A certain consolation can, in my experience be found that way.

After bereavements, while I am still at the stage of just wanting to weep, and the following stage where the slightest thing makes me cry, I have found it helpful to resort to setting myself a goal and promising myself a reward.

For instance, I shall go for a twenty minute walk, and while I am out I WILL NOT CRY. If I am succesful, I will have one small square of chocolate when I come home. You can substitute any other activity for the walk and set a shorter time limit too. It may sound childish, but it has helped me, so I hope it may help you.

Don't worry about putting on weight - you probably aren't eating properly right now, are you?

If not, please consider that eating one good meal a day, or two if you can manage it, might make it easier to cope emotionally.

I shall pray that you are given the strength you need to tackle this appallingly hard part of your life.

PM me if you think it would help.

Almost 11 years ago, i was where you are. I can say that it does get better. I am not a people person and didn't go the groups and clubs route. I was very very angry and would not have been pleasant or appropriate company.
may i recommend a book which was my lifeline? Its not a comfortable read but i did find a lot of comfort in it and even when I stopped needing to read and re read it, it remained a talisman for me. www.amazon.co.uk/Youll-Get-Over-Rage-Bereavement/dp/0140236082/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1DQB1NYOQ7ARB&keywords=you%27ll+get+over+it&sprefix=youll+get+over+it%2Caps%2C84&tag=gransnetforum-21&qid=1643717414&sr=8-1

Meelou I understand you feelings so well,I lost my wonderful husband just over 2 yrs ago so very unexpectedly and then the first lockdown happened so I had no support at all I was so so lonely after him being my rock for over 45yrs.

I am now coming out the other side very slowly and can talk about him and my feeling without the tears flowing and thinking of the good years we had together and the strong family we have.

Try Wayup it may be of help and if not at least you would have tried it there is some great advice on there you may wish to try.Sending you warm wishes and

So sorry for your loss Meelu. I have no personal experience of what you're going through and cannot begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you.

Meelu, have patience with yourself - please. It takes a very long time to adjust and we have to find our own, individual way through it. Do bear in mind that you won't always feel this way.

I had to keep very (ridiculously) busy, focussing on work, family and study to just get through the days. I had to create a new identity for myself. A borrowed a book about grief from the library did help me understand my feelings.

I was the wife/partner no longer, so became the academic, breadwinner, problem solver, volunteer (midnight house cleaner) caretaker etc. (Superwoman?) - just to fill that awful void and exhaust myself enough to sleep well. I spent far less time at home (where he was, so obviously, 'missing'). I slept in a different room, too.

Other (less active) people find far quieter ways through. They find clubs, volunteering and hobbies useful.

You do seem impatient, though, and say that your husband died recently - yet wonder why things aren't 'getting better' and how you 'get over' it. Just one day at a time - and take your time. Be very kind to yourself.

I do empathise Meelu, it is just three months since DH died and it can be difficult. The first few weeks I had to be told things repeatedly because I could not retain information or make rational decisions.
Some well meaning people suggested I went to counselling or 'get something from the GP' but that is not me I just needed time to sort my thoughts. I will learn to manage alone because half my family live abroad.
I hope you can find a way to get through your grief.

So sorry for your loss.

Sadly, this journey is very personal, grief manifests in very different ways.

I agree with the idea of grief support groups
Your relatives may not be able to support you in the way you need, they may not know how

Merlin I am so sorry not only for the loss of your husband but for how sad and lonely you are. Please take the advice and help offered here you will be very much supported by Gransnetters who understand.

I had amazing grief counselling. Twice. Second time was when my daughter had a baby my first grandchild and I felt so very alone and sad. We took the pram to the cemetery to 'show' him and I talk to him out loud about her.

I lost my hubby 3 years ago well 3.6 months. I totally get it. No one feels comfortable when someone says they are lonely. When you have lost someone who lived with you for years its different to other losses. The reminders are there. I joined a widow and widowers FB group initially and began to see the similarities, the shared feeling and that there are people just joining this and others further on. I have no answers to loneliness. Way Up group did not work for me. Believe me when I say it does get different as time goes by. Make yourself do things, change and challenge yourself. Xx

My husband died 11 yrs ago when I was 52, he was 54. I spent many ,many hours breaking my heart, missing him so much , until I was on holiday with a widow friend and we were both sitting one evening in tears , reminiscing - when I decided ' I can't change this situation' so try and cope a bit better and maybe not cry so much . From that evening ,strangely I got a strength from somewhere and became much stronger at coping and remembering times.
I know it's hard to think just now , but the old saying is true " time is a great healer "

I was 59 when I joined WAY UP when my husband died six years ago, and the understanding, support and advice has been invaluable to me. I went on a WAY UP holiday in the first year of widowhood, members also organise lunches/walks/coffee mornings. They also have a Facebook page.

Have a look to see if you might like it, I spent a lot of time looking for on-line support. If you are under 50, I believe there is another group called WAY.

Sharing with people who have experienced 'not having someone to do nothing with' is comforting.

way-up.co.uk/

My mum and dad lived with us, so Mum wasn't alone when Dad died. She still missed him terribly, and especially missed the hugs. She would ask me for a hug, which I gave her, but felt awkward in the circumstances. It was some years after her death that I began to understand what it had been like for her.

So perhaps your children simply don't have the experience to fully understand how it is for you.

My mum was able to find some new hobbies and activities - and pick up old ones - to help fill her time and make her feel less lonely. Perhaps if you could find something which enables you to help other people it would help. Good luck.

Take each day at a time, you must let your pain, loss, heartache out, keeping it in can only cause yourself illness.
There is no easy answer to this immense loss, you simply have to take things 1 day at a time. Its a dark, dark tunnel you're now travelling through BUT THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END, your faith will hold you up and keep you safe as you travel through that tunnel.....

You will know yourself when the time is right to do whatever.

I am so sorry, i can feel your pain through your words.

Meelu, I felt exactly like you when my husband died suddenly. I too have children and grandchildren, but the loss is mine. They have lost their father and grandfather, but we have lost our past, present and future. We have no one to remember with, no one who can hold our hands and our hearts in that special way. However there is a life waiting for you, don't expect to rush into it, but it is waiting. It took me nearly two years to release I was allowed to laugh and enjoy myself. You must allow your self to grieve, but please don't expect your family, however loving and caring they are to feel the loss they said way you do. You say you see no benefit in bereavement counselling, but please consider it. There are hopefully, many years still to come for you don't be ashamed of your grief but I'm sure you husband would want you to live you life, remember him but making the most of every minute with your family. With love, and all best wishes. Xxx

I'm sure you will have many replties on this but just to say that I can start to feel for you.

I feel so sad for your loss. A good happy relationship is generally considered sound. It evaded me, and I have had to be alone even in relationships.. Grief goes in stages, not always the same as another person suffering the same situation. Have you thought about a group meeting others who find it hard. You do have children and grandchildren. Could the young ones stay overnight weekly. Your home must be quiet. Do you have a pet, or able to loan a pet off your kids. RSPCA has foster carers for some animals. Are you able to do that. It will get better, but its early days yet. Pace yourself and know that you are doing the best you can right now.x

I would say please have a look at the online support group called WayUp where you can chat to others in the same situation, people who understand, who can give you emotional as well as practical support.

Also if you wish, maybe not now, but later, individuals local to you might reach out and it's hugely helpful to meet one-on-one say for coffee and cake - and a good chat

way-up.co.uk/