How to say "No"

An alternative, you all book a Christmas meal out somewhere, and also tell them to book a hotel?

We had my OH family stay the Christmas before lockdown, they stayed for 6 weeks and it was absolute hell. I became a chef and cleaner and OH became a taxi driving all over the north of England. Not so much as a thank you the whole time. Lots of complaining by them about finances etc. They completely ruined Christmas Day. I’ve never been so happy to see the back of someone in my life. We don’t hear from them anymore, I think they realised they had taken advantage.
So my advice is tell them NO, you will only spend the whole time feeling annoyed.

Thank you all so much for your suggestions; the comment that they will 'visit' us at Christmas came up in a phone conversation recently during which the travel restrictions being eased was mentioned. The idea of a holiday let fills me with dread because I know who would end up doing all the buying and cooking of food. I like Oldwoman70's suggestion though and I am really looking forward to the next phone call.

How about suggesting they rent a holiday cottage big enough for all of you? You can offer to pay for some of the cost and stay as long as suits you. You could also suggest that you share out the catering.....

Just tell them you thought you were going to them this Christmas - be fun to see how they react!

PinkCosmos

I agree with Dickens. Tell them that it is way to early to think about Christmas.

My MIL has a tendency to say, 'we will come to you at Christmas'. I put up with this for years. She started saying this around August. For the last few years I have said that I don't know what our plans will be over Christmas as we might be invited elsewhere.

I do feel a bit mean when my husband points out that at 87 she may not have many for Christmases left. The way she is going she will outlive us!!

... I think you might have to grit your teeth pretty soon - if you've declined her self-invite for a few years... you don't want to be riddled with guilt if the inevitable happens sooner than you anticipate...

Having said that, it really does amaze me that people start thinking about Christmas so early in the year - unless it's some big kind of family reunion where a lot has to be planned in advance. But I'd never invite myself, not even with family

* many more - sorry

I agree with Dickens. Tell them that it is way to early to think about Christmas.

My MIL has a tendency to say, 'we will come to you at Christmas'. I put up with this for years. She started saying this around August. For the last few years I have said that I don't know what our plans will be over Christmas as we might be invited elsewhere.

I do feel a bit mean when my husband points out that at 87 she may not have many for Christmases left. The way she is going she will outlive us!!

... they've made next Christmas plans already?

I think I'd tell them that you haven't yet decided what you're plans are - and that you might even decide to spend it elsewhere... like abroad.

People amaze me... (said in my best Dowager Duchess voice)

i.pinimg.com/736x/57/2b/ef/572bef5ccc6bb8a1f9ab46f04e92a829.jpg

Tell them to make their own arrangements as you do not make them nine months in advance for anyone.

What’s wrong with simple honesty?
Tell them you don’t want to be tied entertaining.

Three years ago I had 9 lots of visitors over the year and I said ‘enough, no more visitors for next year’ (though I privately said to my son that he could bring our granddaughter any time!). Some visitors are helpful, some treat it like a hotel and I was generally tired out.

Came back to bite me a bit as covid has meant no visits since - so be careful what you wish for.

As Grandmabatty said, then repeat and keep on repeating if necessary with no deviation or further explanation.

This could be a OH issue

Do they make plans with OH and OH okays the plans?
How does the whole coordination work?

Does your Other Half want them to come?
It doesn't seem unreasonable if they only come once every few years.
Define 'took us for granted' and 'soft touch.'

Tell them you are sorry but you wont be able to host this year (no need to elaborate) As an alternative you could suggest they book into a near by hotel & perhaps arrange to meet them there for a Christmas meal & maybe invite them for drinks & nibbles one evening, at least that way you aren’t stuck with them staying under your roof. If they are genuinely interested in spending some quality time with you they’ll agree, if they are just after a free Christmas break they’ll probably slope off. I agree your DH should tell them as it’s his family.
If you don’t enjoy their company & it spoils your Christmas having to accommodate them just say you wont be around this year, life’s too short & time precious.
As a matter of interest do they ever invite you to spend Christmas with them?

Be like the Queen. Don’t complain and don’t explain.
You can simply say as has been said above, that you won’t be able to have them for Christmas and you hope they have time to make other arrangements. You say nothing more about it.

Callistemon21

Lucca

Christmas plans in March ? Is this for real ? Are they coming from Australia?

???

?. Fingers firmly in ears humming, la la la?
It isn’t even Easter yet!

Lucca

Christmas plans in March ? Is this for real ? Are they coming from Australia?

???

Grandmabatty says it the right way. I would do it now so that it doesn’t play on your mind. Phone or text just saying what grandmabatty said, it leaves no room for disagreement and there are no excuses.

I agree with Grandmabatty as well. No excuses needed just stay firm.

-I- It

Do not make excuses. I will not, in the long run, make you or them feel any differently. I think Grandmabatty has nailed it.

Christmas plans in March ? Is this for real ? Are they coming from Australia?

I think I would explain that as you and OH are getting older, you find it difficult to have guests at such a busy time and suggest you all meet up for a meal before Christmas!
Either that or start telling them a story about some people that stayed that were awful - treated your home like a hotel etc - supposedly "forgetting " that it was them and say that after that you decided just to have a quiet Christmas and New Year