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How to say "No"

(82 Posts)
PollyDolly Thu 03-Mar-22 12:01:20

How do I say "No" to family who have sort of invited themselves to stay with us at Christmas?
I don't want to sound mean spirited but we had them to stay a few years ago and they really took us for granted. They are my OH family and he is such a soft touch.

Bignanny2 Thu 03-Mar-22 12:06:08

Go away yourselves.

Hithere Thu 03-Mar-22 12:10:41

He has to tell them.

"From now on, we are starting a new tradition in Xmas and we will be unable to host moving forward.
We are looking forward to (going on a trip, visiting friends, whatever you want to do)"

Grandmabatty Thu 03-Mar-22 12:12:23

"Hosting you at Christmas won't be an option this year. I'm letting you know this early so you have plenty time to make alternative arrangements." Don't give reasons why you don't want them as that risks them countering your reasons. Did your dh agree to them coming or have they assumed they are coming? To be honest, I would want him to tell them it's not on as they're his family but if he's a soft touch, then probably he wouldn't. The other option is you tell him he can crack on, but you won't be there. That's also unlikely too, if you are like me.

Callistemon21 Thu 03-Mar-22 12:13:04

Oh, not a C thread already!

rafichagran Thu 03-Mar-22 12:14:47

Say you let them know, make other plans then say no. Why are they talking g about C in early March. They are free loading chancers. I bet they do this to others as well as it saves them money and cooking.
I would not hist them, especially as they asked so early.

rafichagran Thu 03-Mar-22 12:15:28

Will let

jaylucy Thu 03-Mar-22 12:16:43

I think I would explain that as you and OH are getting older, you find it difficult to have guests at such a busy time and suggest you all meet up for a meal before Christmas!
Either that or start telling them a story about some people that stayed that were awful - treated your home like a hotel etc - supposedly "forgetting " that it was them and say that after that you decided just to have a quiet Christmas and New Year

Lucca Thu 03-Mar-22 12:31:25

Christmas plans in March ? Is this for real ? Are they coming from Australia?

DaisyAnne Thu 03-Mar-22 12:32:54

Do not make excuses. I will not, in the long run, make you or them feel any differently. I think Grandmabatty has nailed it.

DaisyAnne Thu 03-Mar-22 12:37:10

-I- It

sodapop Thu 03-Mar-22 13:05:03

I agree with Grandmabatty as well. No excuses needed just stay firm.

Elizabeth27 Thu 03-Mar-22 13:08:20

Grandmabatty says it the right way. I would do it now so that it doesn’t play on your mind. Phone or text just saying what grandmabatty said, it leaves no room for disagreement and there are no excuses.

Callistemon21 Thu 03-Mar-22 13:09:30

Lucca

Christmas plans in March ? Is this for real ? Are they coming from Australia?

???

Kalu Thu 03-Mar-22 13:22:11

Callistemon21

Lucca

Christmas plans in March ? Is this for real ? Are they coming from Australia?

???

?. Fingers firmly in ears humming, la la la?
It isn’t even Easter yet!

dogsmother Thu 03-Mar-22 13:28:47

Be like the Queen. Don’t complain and don’t explain.
You can simply say as has been said above, that you won’t be able to have them for Christmas and you hope they have time to make other arrangements. You say nothing more about it.

SachaMac Thu 03-Mar-22 13:31:36

Tell them you are sorry but you wont be able to host this year (no need to elaborate) As an alternative you could suggest they book into a near by hotel & perhaps arrange to meet them there for a Christmas meal & maybe invite them for drinks & nibbles one evening, at least that way you aren’t stuck with them staying under your roof. If they are genuinely interested in spending some quality time with you they’ll agree, if they are just after a free Christmas break they’ll probably slope off. I agree your DH should tell them as it’s his family.
If you don’t enjoy their company & it spoils your Christmas having to accommodate them just say you wont be around this year, life’s too short & time precious.
As a matter of interest do they ever invite you to spend Christmas with them?

eazybee Thu 03-Mar-22 13:39:00

Does your Other Half want them to come?
It doesn't seem unreasonable if they only come once every few years.
Define 'took us for granted' and 'soft touch.'

Hithere Thu 03-Mar-22 13:47:28

This could be a OH issue

Do they make plans with OH and OH okays the plans?
How does the whole coordination work?

Jaxjacky Thu 03-Mar-22 13:55:50

As Grandmabatty said, then repeat and keep on repeating if necessary with no deviation or further explanation.

Tizliz Thu 03-Mar-22 14:05:33

Three years ago I had 9 lots of visitors over the year and I said ‘enough, no more visitors for next year’ (though I privately said to my son that he could bring our granddaughter any time!). Some visitors are helpful, some treat it like a hotel and I was generally tired out.

Came back to bite me a bit as covid has meant no visits since - so be careful what you wish for.

Nicegranny Thu 03-Mar-22 14:30:05

What’s wrong with simple honesty?
Tell them you don’t want to be tied entertaining.

Redhead56 Thu 03-Mar-22 14:39:06

Tell them to make their own arrangements as you do not make them nine months in advance for anyone.

Dickens Thu 03-Mar-22 15:07:55

... they've made next Christmas plans already? hmm

I think I'd tell them that you haven't yet decided what you're plans are - and that you might even decide to spend it elsewhere... like abroad.

People amaze me... (said in my best Dowager Duchess voice)

i.pinimg.com/736x/57/2b/ef/572bef5ccc6bb8a1f9ab46f04e92a829.jpg

PinkCosmos Thu 03-Mar-22 15:19:47

I agree with Dickens. Tell them that it is way to early to think about Christmas.

My MIL has a tendency to say, 'we will come to you at Christmas'. I put up with this for years. She started saying this around August. For the last few years I have said that I don't know what our plans will be over Christmas as we might be invited elsewhere.

I do feel a bit mean when my husband points out that at 87 she may not have many for Christmases left. The way she is going she will outlive us!!