Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

How old are you?

(215 Posts)
LaCrepescule Wed 13-Apr-22 06:29:22

I’m 64 and really struggling with the concept of ageing and death. I literally lie awake ruminating about how quickly the years fly and it makes me so sad to think of losing my loved ones and having to say goodbye to them. Please tell me how old you are and whether these things bother you too or how you just get on and live your life!

Gongoozler Fri 15-Apr-22 11:27:02

Thank you LaCrepescule, interesting topic.

According to my Birthday cards I am 80. Which I find bizarre! (One of them actually said “aged to perfection “. I wish!). I am really lucky. I still have my lovely Husband (aged 86). We are both in reasonable health apart from the aches and joint twinges of old age and the eyesight could be sharper. Like most others some dear old friends have died. These days we are more likely to count the cards we don’t get, rather than the ones we do. We both enjoy reading and pottering in the garden and our son has just called to suggest a barbecue this evening.

As I have said already, we are very lucky.

Witzend Fri 15-Apr-22 11:44:04

Love that T shirt, Maru - my feelings exactly!

LaCrepescule Fri 15-Apr-22 12:12:19

Oh my word, I’ve just come back to this thread after a busy couple of days and am so pleased to see so many new posts which I’ll read when I have a moment. I saw my dear 91 year old mum yesterday; she’s in reasonable health and is a real inspiration to me. As one of you said, I can spend the next 20 years worrying about ageing (I’m 64) or try and make the most of the time I have left.

Witzend Fri 15-Apr-22 13:20:06

Oh, well - there are advantages to getting old!
I just had this from a sibling ?:

LovelyLady Fri 15-Apr-22 15:53:44

70 and thankfully made it thus far.
Health could be better but NHS has been wonderful. We, husband and myself, were I complete lockdown during the COVID pandemic. That’s 2 years we’ll not get back. We still don’t go to crowded areas or where others are not sensibly distancing. I do think the lockdown has aged me.
I still work from home and do voluntary work from home too. Zoom etc has been wonderful but I miss being in contact with others.
Often my thoughts are drawn to my funeral. I’d like a family only funeral. Cheap as possible. I’ve thought of a pre paid funeral and wonder what others think of this idea. Presently money is not a problem and my thoughts are if my money runs out if I’m put in a Care Home.
I’m frugal and have all I need. My body is letting me down and I don’t want my family to be without their inheritance.

kgnw28225 Sat 16-Apr-22 12:05:09

Like you Framilode I am 75. My husband and I still go out to pubs and meet up with friends, who are form our local U3A every week. We still meet up with two or three other sets of friends for drinks , maybe a meal, maybe to watch live music. But this is something that we have done all of our lives, no change there. BUT— it takes time and trouble to keep standards up. I get my long hair coloured highlighted and trimmed every couple of months, I still dress fashionably, and see that my husband does I still wear face and eye make up etc, I feel tired most days, but still mind our two grandaughters age 8 and 10 years once each week. My husband has kidney failure, and has had for the past 20 years , but is kept as well as possible with 12 or so tablets each day. What I am trying to say I suppose is whatever life throws at you, make the best of it and be your best. Keep in touch with people, because it’s people that are important to your quality of life ( sorry post is so long, I got carried away somewhat)

BlueSky Sat 16-Apr-22 12:16:16

My DH and I are still 18 in our heads! Our bodies tell us different! confused

Chocolatelovinggran Sat 16-Apr-22 12:48:14

I am seventy in the summer. I was sad to hear of so many people who are struggling with ill health or anxiety, but have been hugely cheered by so many positive and uplifting posts: thank you ?

grannygranby Sun 17-Apr-22 08:35:26

Some really inspiring posts. I’m 76 and find that hard to comprehend! Apparently I have some health issues to do with heart but have no symptoms and after getting the diagnosis and living in utter shock for a year or so I have put it aside though it has possibly affected my confidence to travel outside my comfort zone. That might have happened anyway.
It’s a bit ironic that for years I yearned to travel more but I didn’t have the funds and now I have, that desire has gone. It’s lucky that we can virtually visit so many places which is better for the planet too.
I live with two canine companions but no human ones. We go on wonderful walks together twice a day I think that keeps me sane. I have my own small business publishing political designs and this keeps me going, orders come in with wonderful letters and support and money.
I put my health anxieties on the back burner when my youngest granddaughter was born with severe disabilities. She is nearly three, cannot stand, or eat solids and the cruel condition ( a form of muscular dystrophy ) affects the brain as well as the body. It turns out that my DIL also has the adult form of which no one was aware and her eldest daughter, there are three, has been tested and has child-onset and we have watched her deteriorate mentally in the last two years, she is ten, so that she now has special needs provision. The middle daughter so far seems unaffected but has not been genetically tested so fingers crossed. It is so shocking. Sorry to burden you all with this.
I’d have loved to see them this Easter, in fact spending the five days alone is bloody hard, but DIL says they have other plans. She has just posted up pictures of them at her parents house. It does hurt but on the other hand she is coping very well and I’m glad the kids have other devoted grandparents. She is their only child. My son is obviously brilliant.

My daughter who lives nearby has not had children and she is great company in the every day ( but not holidays they are for husband) and I have got a new grandog, a poodle called Dandelion and he constantly makes us laugh.
Because it is so true that you have no control over what life deals you, only how you deal with it. It’s a mixed bag, a curates egg, I am both extremely lucky for which I am grateful and extremely unlucky for which I grieve. I have lost two husbands and many friends to death. I miss them madly. I sometimes have panic attacks when I get out if breathe which I avoid like anything and hope for a peaceful death.
I sat with my mum as she was dying and she took my hand put it to her cheek and said ‘you’re very kind, but you can’t come with me’ that gives me so much happiness because I wasn’t always kind and I’m so glad she thought it wanted to go with her.
I hope I’ll be kind on my deathbed because it means so much to the living. It’s strange isn’t it that we can enjoy the world, through pictures, films and art and literature of the time we were not born. But have no access of what that world will be like when we are dead. A one way trip.

Musicgirl Sun 17-Apr-22 08:48:05

Grannygranby, what a brave and inspiring post.?

Justwidowed Sun 17-Apr-22 09:59:24

I'm 78 and pleased to still be alive.When I was 10 I was diagnosed as diabetic.Now thousands of injections later,I consider myself very lucky to still be alive and kicking.My husband died the day before his 79th birthday amd my stepdaughter and stepson were with me when he died.It was so peaceful that the thought of dying doesn't frighten me.I hope to see him
again and my parents too.

Magrithea Sun 17-Apr-22 10:03:44

I'm 65 and don't really think about it! I recently learnt that my biological mother was 83 when she died so I hope to have a while yet but who knows!? My Mum is 97 and still going strong. We can't know when we will die, it might be crossing the road tomorrow, so no point in worrying about it

Caleo Sun 17-Apr-22 10:24:00

I am 90 and these thoughts have concerned me for at least fifty years. They are sad thoughts. Get used to the fact that transience is sad and an inevitable part of life. Don't ruminate excessively. Worrying is useful if you have a problem to solve but you can do nothing about death and loss.

timetogo2016 Sun 17-Apr-22 10:52:53

Old enough to know better,too old to care.

Boz Sun 17-Apr-22 11:01:50

timetogo2016

Old enough to know better,too old to care.

Ditto

effalump Sun 17-Apr-22 11:11:38

Since 2020 it's virtually impossible to see ourselves living long, happy and healthy lives. Until something radically changes, we won't find peace in ourselves. I read somewhere that, as a species, we are hard-wired to fear.

henetha Sun 17-Apr-22 11:25:58

I'm amazed to find someone on here who is older than me, Caleo. You are right.
I think it was Shakespeare who said something like this,( might be worded slightly incorrectly.)
"Of all the things that men do fear, death is the most foolish since it is inevitable "

Puzzled Sun 17-Apr-22 11:47:46

We are both in our 80s, and have some health issues, but life is ahead of us!
We both have friends, interests and hobbies, and so keep mentally and physically active.
Mental attitude counts for a lot. Because of physical constraints, some things are no longer as attractive, or possible. Stair climbing and walking are slower than they used to be, but that does not stop us!

Yes, eventually, for some reason, we shall die.
This is not a rehearsal, there is no second act.
But until then, make the most of what you have!

Yesterday, I visited a friend who was 97 the day before. Has vision problems, but walks without a stick, and is very keen to exhibit and steward at on a stand that I am organising at an exhibition.
A role model for us all.

Dorsetcupcake61 Mon 18-Apr-22 08:25:12

I'm so glad this thread was started,it is probably one of the best I have seen on Gransnet-relevant, comforting and inspiring.
I'm 61 in November and I must admit it did have quite an unexpected affect on me. Suddenly I felt in a different place. I think this was started by an unrelated discussion with my daughter about how quickly the past 20 years had gone which triggered an existential crisis that I may only have another 20 left!
It has been a busy 20 or so years,the death of my parents,the wedding of my eldest daughter and subsequent birth of grandchildren. We seemed to have a spell in the last 5 years of many deaths of family and friends-some expected and some not. Then of course we had the pandemic which as a diabetic was terrifying.
I must admit at the moment i am very much counting my blessings.
I was fortunate enough to be able to travel between 2017 and 2019 and I have so many wonderful memories. I was lucky enough to have a small amount of savings to ride out the worst of the pandemic. There is little left but I view that time as a proverbial rainy day.
I have gone from 25 years of working part time to full time which is tiring. I've frequently felt frustrated that a while ago I would have been able to retire at 60. The job I was doing for the past year was with lovely people but not quite for me for various reasons. I have obtained a new one which is me.! Still full time but looking at how I have developed over past year I'm at peace with that.
I always seem to feel a little tired and the wrinkles seem to appear more frequently, make up doesnt seem to cover as much as it once did!
After two years of having my hair it's natural colour I felt dull and grey so I had my origional highlights put back in -only subtly. It's amazing how its lifted my mood. Interestingly people havent noticed the change in colour but have commented how well I look-which in turn has given me a boost!
So I'm working hard at turning the negatives into positives. Retirement is still 7 years away but I will be doing a job that is satisfying. In the current climate I count my blessings that I have a regular income and no mortgage/ rent. I have so much to be thankful for and there are no guarantees in life. Occasionally fear for the future rises its ugly head,especially losing capacity. As my late mother often said your biggest fear never happens and if it does you will cope.

Sara1954 Mon 18-Apr-22 08:47:41

We were sat in the garden yesterday having the house move conversation.
We have family living with us at the moment, but when they go (if they ever go) the house will be too big.
But I really don’t feel ready for that next move, I like having the space, and if we downsized I’d have to get rid of lots of things I don’t want to part with.
But it’s not just about things, it’s about state of mind, if we made our lives too cosy, I think we would age more quickly.
Yesterday we cut up and moved a load of logs, I can’t say I enjoyed it, but felt good when it was done.
I suppose one day not to far away, it will all seem like too much effort, and then perhaps the time will have come.

Dcba Tue 19-Apr-22 03:05:15

In three months I will be 80 and because I feel getting to this age is quite an achievement I’m planning on taking a (solo) overseas trip to visit my brother (who is widowed) and along with taking a couple of day trips and a couple of 3 day organized mini breaks to places I’ve never visited before, I will also be meeting up with three girlfriends the same age as me, and amazingly we have known each other since kindergarten! I’ll be away from home for just over 3 weeks and I’m acutely aware of how fortunate I am that I still enjoy planning a special trip like this. I live each day at a time and realize the importance of reaching out and making new friendships whenever the opportunity arises - even at this stage in life. I don’t think much about death and dying ……I think more about what veggies to grow in my allotment this year! I do have a few aches and pains when I get out of bed some mornings…..but my ongoing commitment to my daily yoga practise really does help with this. I really do love life….one day at a time!

Caleo Tue 19-Apr-22 14:42:31

I can't remember what I was right about, Henetha but thanks . I am surprised I am so old. I was in a phone video last Sunday all unawares and was amazed I looked like an old lady in it.

Caleo Tue 19-Apr-22 14:47:55

Regarding death, Henetha, naturally I am not afraid of being dead as the dead are not subject to experience any more than other collections of dust . I do fear dying in pain and suffering and for decades have sent regular monthly donations to Dignity In Dying.

Blossoming Tue 19-Apr-22 15:10:48

I’ve been living with the concept of death from a young age. Every birthday is a bonus smile

Treelover Tue 19-Apr-22 19:54:41

Deba that is so inspiring. I love these posts too.