How will you cope

All I can say is that there are no rehearsals for losing your life’s partner.
Yes you can cope but nothing prepares you for the reality.

Not very well I should imagine. We have always done most things together and we are coming up to 61 years since we met.
It will be very hard for whichever of us is left.

I probably won't cope, that's about all I can say. We just try and make the most of the time we have.

I'll be ok but if I went first DH would be very lonely as he doesn't do well socially.

I guess we just adapt and 'survive'. Not a lot of fun but, as the saying goes, it's better than the alternative. Really no point in thinking about the unknown. Just enjoy what you currently have.

I'm hoping DH goes first as I am his carer and if I die he'll have to go into care and he'd absolutely hate it.

If he goes I'll be very lonely - looking after him is the major part of my life, and I am with him 24/7 - but I will cope, because you do if you have to, don't you?

You just have to get on with it!

What other option is there?

merlotgran

You just have to get on with it!

What other option is there?

This

I met my H when we were at school.
We married at ages 22 and 21, married for 60 years.
He had dementia for several years and I cared for him until 4 months before he died, I was too worn out to carry on though I may have done if I had known how little time was left.

You do carry on because you have only one alternative and that is unthinkable to most.

Mt theory, on seeing friends like myself is that the older you are, the better you cope, you have come to the realisation that it will happen one day and awful as it is you have been subconsciously preparing for it.

My H died 3 years ago last Monday, my consolation was that he didn’t live through Covid lockdown.
That would have been unbearable.

I am still raw and bereft even though my DH had been disappearing for several years as Parkinson’s took him away. I mourn the life we had and the man he was but wouldn’t have wanted him to live a day longer as he was at the end.

You have two choices, so getting on with things is really the only thing to do. It’s looking forward which is hard.

annsixty
I've been thinking about you lately, wondering how you are.
Nice to "see" you.

MissAdventure
?

It’s something I dread, even though I’m a Christian. I just don’t want to be without him.

After loosing my OH very suddenly just before the first lockdown I have just started realise things will never be the same again,he was my rock to say the least and miss him so so much he would have hated the past few years as he was out and about every day.
I have learnt to do everything myself over the past two plus years something I have never had to do before people have been so kind and thoughtful I still expect him to walk through the door to this day.

Annsixty, so sorry for your loss. A very sad but thoughtful post.

I dread it. My sister lost her husband when she was only sixty. I can’t really begin to describe how’s she’s been since. Suffice it to say that her long standing mental health condition became so much worse over time. She is now estranged from three of her four children, and from me, her only sibling. I did support her for the first few years, but like with her children, her behaviour became so extreme and vindictive that it became impossible to maintain a relationship with her. I look at her and I dread being widowed.

I dread being widowed although I hope my DH dies before me as I think women cope so much better than men by themselves.

I will probably want to curl up and sleep but realistically know I will have to go on. I will be occupied sorting this house out so when my time comes it will be less for my children to do.
If I go before my husband that will be different he won’t cope or sort anything out. It’s the not knowing isn’t it very hard to think about the inevitable.

I dread either of us getting dementia or anything that needs 24/7 care. I would hate either of use to lose our minds or independence. I am sure that is the same for everyone.

I think that, in a general sense, women probably cope better than men with being widowed. They tend to be care givers and men struggle without this support. Maybe this is why so many men remarry quickly after being divorced or widowed.

Having been through it I can only say that most people do cope although there are some dark times before the sun shines again. But it does.

Today is my birthday and it's the first one in 52 years without my darling husband.
He died suddenly and totally unexpected just over 3 weeks ago. He seemed fit and well in the morning, playing with our baby granddaughter and dead by 4pm that afternoon.
His funeral is on Friday.
I was in shock for the first few days, but had to get my brain into gear pretty quick as there were bills to be paid, holidays to be cancelled, and dozens of people and organisations which needed to be contacted.
I have spent hours on the telephone trying to sort things out and have wept buckets over our loss and also out of sheer frustration as I dealt with various incompetent organisations and departments.
It's far too early for me to say how I will cope long term but for now, I'm doing OK.
Good friends and a supportive family have helped enormously.

fiorentina I am so sorry. The first birthday is very hard without your DH. I know there is a lot to do but take some time for yourself as grief is exhausting. ?

My thoughts are with all of you who are dealing with bereavement

Fiorentina, so sorry for your sudden loss. You will find a great deal of help and support on GN as time goes on. . Annsixty, for you too