I’m quite disturbed about this, is it acceptable?

I think there are signs of dementia. The wanting of food items when all is provided. Maybe the conversation should begin with concern about the mental issues and add that she has asked for alcohol to give to staff. Then ask the question about gifts. No confrontation.

Maddy has already done that, as she said some time back in the thread.

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You have to be able to get the strength to tell her you can no longer do shopping for her, as the home provides all her needs. A little thing now and then maybe (some sweets, or a small treat she likes) otherwise she is manipulating you and, as you say, you know that deep down. This is going to be hard, and may well cause upset but it needs doing. Tell the staff and management about the alcohol (probably not allowed to be given as a gift anyway !) and explain your mother will probably be upset and calling you names (my late husband, who sadly had to go into care towards the end of his life) actually wanted a lawyer so he could sue me for 'stealing his money' (he had spent it all, and I was funding the entire fee for the home from an inheritance of mine)...this was very upsetting but the home psychologist said these things are sadly fairly normal in a lot of elderly people ........if the worst comes to the worst, you will have o tell her you are not able to visit so often .............and how does she get hold of money anyway ? In my husband's case, as someone else said, every expenditure is listed and added to the monthly payment direct from the Bank...she has no need of money (my husband had asked for money, but it was a house rule that any money would be kept in the homes safe and catalogued every time he asked for money.......sad situation ...good luck

I wonder if, in this instance, your mother is not so much trying to control you, but wanting to feel she still has some control over her own life. As you say, the home provides virtually everything that she needs, but most people thrive on a feeling of autonomy. She may want clothes and familiar items from her home as it’s comforting to have them around. Likewise her need to have some money may be to help her feel more normal.
You say she is forgetful. Does she have dementia? That might also be having an effect on her behaviour. Perhaps when you visit you could do something with her that makes her feel useful and gives her choices? Ask her to help you choose a dress for yourself or your daughter or play a simple board game with her. Of course you must put some limits on her demands of you and your daughter.
It doesn’t sound as if the cared is deliberately misbehaving your mother, since she was happy for you to see the picture of her with the bottle. Have a quiet word with the manager though.

As someone who works in a care home, families sometimes try to influence and get better treatment for their family member by giving presents etc to one particular staff member It could be that your mother is trying to this. It could be innocent but that staff member might be in very uncomfortable position. They themselves should report this. Had they refused to show you the photo it might have been interpreted as being unhelpful by you.
In future I would recommend giving everything you bring in to staff to add to your mothers inventory. This will be the protocol that you should of be following. I think your husband is correct

grannyactivist

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Totally agree, other forums seem to manage that without a problem!

This is the amaretto in question. As far as I know, gifts to personnel are not allowed. Also, you musrt say "no" to your mother. Food is covered in the ALF and although you can get her snacks and water and squashes, they cannot cook food provided by the residents, so maybe she is passing them on to staff as bribes / gifts.

Heeelllo
Maddy has dealt with the problem

grannyactivist

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This

Yesterday

Iam64

Heeelllo
Maddy has dealt with the problem

Ad this!

And!!

This behaviour by care assistants is not acceptable. You should report it to the homes owner by letter with a copy to the care commission inspectorate.

My Sister was very much like this when she first went into a care home, we soon realised that she was fixating on things she had seen on tv adverts.

I’ve not looked at mumsnet in months but - they have a catchy post -RTFT

Staff in a home will happily heat up a tin of soup for a resident if they have the time.

Iam64

I’ve not looked at mumsnet in months but - they have a catchy post -RTFT

?

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DisneyTaylor1

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Oh, give over, we've seen your lovely opaque tights-clad pins before!

Why don't you start a thread in Style & Beauty in stead of trying to shock us.