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Sorry question about sex with newish partner

(56 Posts)
LaCrepescule Mon 09-May-22 22:34:07

I do apologise if this question is a bit personal but I need help! I’m 64 and have been with my 59 year old partner for 7 months. In all that time during sex, he hasn’t managed to ejaculate inside me and it’s got to the stage now where I don’t want to have sex with him. I’ve been very patient and not pressurised him at all and he just puts it down to his age. My question is ladies, do you and your man have a full sex life and is there anything I can do about this? I was under the impression that men in their 60s and beyond could still could still manage to reach orgasm even if it takes a little longer!

Katie59 Tue 10-May-22 07:34:55

Are you using a condom? because that will reduce the stimulation during sex.
Are you an “enthusiastic” partner or passive, I’m your age OH is older, for us, as my intensity rises it triggers him, then I climax. For younger men it’s more of a “mechanical “ process, I think for older men it’s much more emotional.
I also find sex once a week “better” than twice, quality better than quantity.

aonk Tue 10-May-22 11:32:56

All I can say is that I have some experience with this situation. The answer is to make a GP appointment ( I know that’s very difficult.) You should go together to this appointment. I think you will both be pleasantly surprised by the doctor’s reaction. They’ve heard this many times before! If your partner isn’t willing to go down this route then he isn’t interested in investing in the relationship.

aonk Tue 10-May-22 11:36:30

Ps I should add that I applaud the OP for raising this topic. We don’t all have someone we can discuss these things with and this is a safe and anonymous space to ask for advice about personal matters. It’s not compulsory to read the posts!

activerelaxer Tue 10-May-22 11:40:37

Yes, I’m also your age and my partner is older.
I came on to say, if you don’t feel like having sex with him don’t do it! You don’t owe anyone that.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 10-May-22 11:44:39

This reminds me very much of a former poster of the same age, single, boyfriend troubles, who had literary usernames …

Daisend1 Tue 10-May-22 12:04:15

Lacrepescule
It is usually the other way round that your partner has climaxed before yourself leaving you unsatisfied.
My view is for your partner to seek medical advice as it must be as equally frustrating for him as well as yourself as neither of you are getting the satisfaction you should from this relationship.

FarNorth Tue 10-May-22 12:14:52

Perhaps he would be happy with a companionable relationship but feels obliged to have sex because you expect it?

Would you be happy without sex?

You both need to discuss it and consult a GP if there may be a physical problem.

Iam64 Tue 10-May-22 12:56:12

Germanshepherdsmum

This reminds me very much of a former poster of the same age, single, boyfriend troubles, who had literary usernames …

Well spotted

Granny23 Tue 10-May-22 13:09:25

Perhaps if he did not have a sex life with his former partner, he has come to rely on masturbation to climax? Perhaps you could help him in this way?

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 10-May-22 13:12:38

I’m as sure as I can be that this poster has made the whole thing up and has form in that respect.

Shelflife Tue 10-May-22 13:15:02

Does ' nt look like true love to me .

MissAdventure Tue 10-May-22 13:25:14

hmm
If I was going to make something up, it would be a lot more racy than this.

farmgran Tue 10-May-22 13:28:01

I think your partner's problem is not all that uncommon. I don't think you should take it personally, it has nothing to do with love or desire. Is he taking antidepressants? They can sometimes cause sexual problems.
Poor man, I suppose the harder he tries the more anxious he feels.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 10-May-22 13:28:43

This runs pretty true to form. Recognisable.

Callistemon21 Tue 10-May-22 14:28:58

MissAdventure

The site glitched.

Yes, I was trying to post a photo of my lawn yesterday and couldn't.

Not that I assume the OP was trying to include photos in her post.

MissAdventure Tue 10-May-22 14:31:11

There was a gitch on the song lyric convo thread which resulted in a double posting.

BlueBelle Tue 10-May-22 14:46:49

If someone was making it up they don’t need to make their story racy they just need to encourage others to recount their stories which may or may not be racy
I m afraid I haven’t felt this was genuine from the start but I could be totally wrong We ll probably never know
This is the quote that made me wonder ?
* My question is ladies, do you and your man have a full sex life*

Polly73 Tue 10-May-22 14:50:51

Not that I assume the OP was trying to include photos in her post Heaven forbid!

But I agree with aonk.
Say, 5 people post about sex / depression/ a serious illness and for 4 of them it’s all made up. Someone might still be able to help the 5th person. As MissAdventure said, it could be a lot more racy if one was really making it up.

Polly73 Tue 10-May-22 14:51:37

Fair comment, Bluebelle

MissAdventure Tue 10-May-22 14:51:55

I suppose you could always message hq rather than troll hunting.
It is what's advised, after all, and I expect they'd be more able to shed some light on things.

FarNorth Tue 10-May-22 14:58:46

My question is ladies, do you and your man have a full sex life

Well no-one is being silly enough to answer that question, so that may be disappointing.

Polly73 Tue 10-May-22 15:06:59

FarNorth

*My question is ladies, do you and your man have a full sex life*

Well no-one is being silly enough to answer that question, so that may be disappointing.

Or, to start from the premise that the OP is genuine, she is trying to ascertain if this is normal or unusual?

To answer that question, we have a full sex life - though DH (74) had to start taking viagra in the past few years

BlueBelle Tue 10-May-22 15:36:54

Well I hope she is genuine but by saying ‘do you and your man have a full sex life? ’ that is an invitation to open up with other peoples personal stories
Without that line I would not really have felt anything other than someone looking for empathy

Callistemon21 Tue 10-May-22 16:37:47

FarNorth

*My question is ladies, do you and your man have a full sex life*

Well no-one is being silly enough to answer that question, so that may be disappointing.

It could be assuming rather a lot a lot, too.

My question is ladies, do you and your man have a full sex life
Or
My question is ladies, do you and your woman have a full sex life?
Or
My question is gentlemen, do you and your woman have a full sex life?
Or
My question is gentlemen, do you and your man have a full sex life?

Katie59 Tue 10-May-22 17:29:46

Any of us that do have a sex life in our 60s and beyond know that the issues the OP is enquiring about are entirely plausible, men don’t always function predictably and we know women certainly don’t.

Sounds genuine to me.