Couple 'grooming' lonely elderly people.

IMO whether the elderly people are of sound mind or not - this is elder abuse and needs reporting asap!! I fear this disgraceful behaviour is
all too common and abusers are getting away with it.

westerlywind

ElaineI It looks as you might be a district nurse. You state clearly that district nurses are confided in and can see if things are happening. How would you deal with it if it was a district nurse who was doing this? Several houses bought from those at end of life or going into full time care. All sellers were high 80s to over 90. None of the house sellers lived more than a year after the sale. Next they speak to an older person who inherited the house from one of their targets and try to get them to sell the house to a person of their choice. Other than that conversation they never speak to the older person but they have been doing things to cause the old person extra stress.
In the same health board area we are told we must never "mistreat" nurses.
Your views would be of interest

If it was a district nurse (or any qualified nurse) then they should be reported to the police and their management team. The police would give a crime reference number and you could do it at the station or by phoning the non emergency number. For nurse managers you'd need to find out the health authority (I was under NHS Lothian) and make a written complaint plus an email. There is a complaints procedure in Health Boards but this is actually criminal so reporting to both should be done. And there should be an adult safeguarding team who should also be alerted. I am retired now but it was part of our mandatory training and over the years things were added such as telephone scams - like people getting calls when you were in treating them, tradesmen coming to the door being aggressive, people getting lots of mailing from scam companies and also some people confide in their nurses. Non trained staff also had this training. I would be very upset if I thought a district nurse was doing this because it is an abuse of care and against the law. I don't know what you mean by "mistreat" nurses? All people in health care have the right to do their work without being abused however this is reporting a possible crime and not "mistreating" a nurse.

I agree with H1954,very dubious imo.

Yes it’s elder abuse and sadly very common.

This does happen a lot to lonely elderly people. I used to work as a carer in peoples homes and did see similar situations to this. For example a lady in her late 80's had a "boyfriend" that was in his early 30s and would visit her and she would write him checks. I think for outside people in a small community to see "repeat offenders" is enough evidence. It might sound believable for a couple to be left something in one person's will but not to occur again.

I am still befuddled by all the abbé used on this site. Who exactly is DH?

its disgusting, we had this in our family cos we live 300 miles away from my elderly rich uncle, his 'carer' a cousin who he moved to live near once his wife died took control of his life & finances & cos he was very deaf stopped all his family visiting by saying he wasn't well etc. I suspect he was told something untrue & horrid about me too. When he died he left just £200k including the value of his house but 4 yrs prior to this he sold a business for £600k but none of that was in his bank account & I couldn't see his account details cos I was not in the will. Its exploitation & the police and social services, who have a duty to check for financial abuse, need to be made aware because it's so common. They're the ones who can check motives and take appropriate action
Have you seen the work on predatory marriage? Some people even marry lonely, elderly people to get their will, google Joan Blass for an awful account
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-leeds-57405590

Again, if the couple are have all their faculties, I see it more as a business transaction.
Sell your property to fund care, or spend lonely hours waiting for someone to rush in and do you a microwave meal, or, go out and about, get taken to their home for dinner, and have them on hand to kindly help you with problems that crop up...
I know which I would choose.

The fact that others find it unpalatable is really neither here nor there.

Mention to Adult Safeguarding at your local Social Services. Just in case.

ElaineI thank you so much for your very comprehensive response. I am in another Scottish Health Board area.
I assume that a nurse abusing or causing any form of harm to an elderly person with disabilities even if the person was not their patient would not be acceptable. These people (two nurses who are related) are bringing nurses into disrepute.

‘Elder Abuse Helplines’ - www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/elder-abuse-helplines

This happened to my uncle who was a widower. He was befriended by a younger woman and when he died he had changed his will so she inherited his house. There was nothing we could do about it and my cousins, who did far more for him than she did, missed out on an inheritance that would have made their lives much easier as they’re very poor. What made it even worse was the woman was always talking about God and any letters she wrote were full of God bless you and stuff like that.

Get in touch with your local councils Safeguarding Team. They will decide whether it's abuse or not. I would report if I had concerns , it's anonymous.

Pink Cosmos ..... You have nothing to loose by reporting this , to "Elder Abuse" as Miss Adventure recommends .. It seems to me that this has happened too many times for it to be a "one off" ... it appears to be targeted...

I would say that if the couple treated the elderly people with kindness and companionship, as you describe, then there’s nothing wrong with them being gifted substantial amounts in wills. After all, you say the elderly people had no family so who would they leave their estate to? Do we think it’s wrong when people leave all their money to charities etc? The charity hasn’t coerced them and as long as this couple didn’t coerced anyone (which we don’t know) then no harm done. It’s entirely up to an individual who benefits from their estate when they die. Personally, unless I heard that coercive treatment had taken place (with proof) I’d stay out of it. It could start to look like gossip which can easily get out of hand.

I would contact the police with your concerns...it won't do any harm in having a "chat" with them

Hmmmm, you see you don't know for certain that there any grooming had taken place.

I do lots and lots for elderly out of pure and utter care, 100% care, because they have reached a time in their lives there they cant do A,B and C, now some people could twist that into Im doing it for ulterior motives, I'M CERTAINLY NOT. I have to add at this point that northing has been left to me and I most certainly wouldn't want it to be.

Its entirely up to the individual what they do with their money/assets but if grooming HAS taken place ( but how can it be proved ??) then yes its BEYOND DISGUSTING and needs reporting.....

Some really good comments here. For reference look up Daphne Franks and her campaign to protect the elderly and vulnerable and www.predatorymarriage.co.uk

Unless there’s evidence of abuse, I think you shouldn’t interfere. No doubt these elderly people are without friends or family and are lonely. If someone is kind enough to spend time befriending and enhancing the end of someone’s life who are we to judge?

This is a safeguarding issue as well as potentially being criminal In the first instance contact Social work department and say you have safeguarding concerns for the latest victim but give details of previous victims too It's their job to deal with situation

Goldieoldie15

I am still befuddled by all the abbé used on this site. Who exactly is DH?

Dear (or dratted, as the case may be) husband.

Likewise dear daughter, dear son etc.

Admittedly they can be confusing at first. When I first encountered ‘dh’ on a forum (over 20 years ago now) I was wondering whether it meant Dopey Herbert etc., but pretty soon twigged.

Seems we are in the minority MissA

Happened to my granny. Her nephew and his wife tried it when she was very elderly. To be fair, she did need help but nephew was trying it on. He and the wife would stay overnight at my granny's, but not sleep in a bedroom. He slept on a mattress on the floor in the room next to the living room where granny was sleeping then.

Fortunately, my granny didn't change her will. But it was very awkward at the funeral, when they turned up, expecting I'm sure to be offered something 'in thanks'.

Yes, it does.
The safeguarding training I did always emphasises that we must not put our own judgement into "protecting" people who have the ability to make their own choices.

All we can endeavour to do is ensure they are informed choices.

Everyone has the right to make "bad" decisions.

Possibly the coersion factor is now much more considered, though, so it would be worth passing on the info to those who can check if that is what is happening.

Report them to the Police ask them to investigate
Poor people
They need to stop doing this to the elderly