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Couple 'grooming' lonely elderly people.

(140 Posts)
PinkCosmos Wed 22-Jun-22 11:00:59

My DH has become aware of a couple who are 'grooming' - for want of a better word - elderly people.

The couple were wardens on a warden patrolled small estate.

They have recently have been 'gifted' two bungalows by two elderly people on the estate plus who knows what else.

DH has just heard that the latest elderly person they 'befriended' has just left them a bungalow and a couple of vehicles.

Apparently, they befriend elderly people who have no relatives. They treat them well by taking them out, having them around for meals and generally caring for them. This goes on for a couple of years until the elderly person dies. By this time it appears that they have changed their will in the couple's favour.

I do not know all of the details but my DH and a few other people have seen this happening over the last few years.

My DH is disgusted with this as he thinks it is financial abuse. I agree with him. I am not sure if they have an ulterior motives and they are treating the elderly people kindly. However, my DH says it all just feels a bit off. He says the man in question is not a pleasant person at all.

Should we report this couple or just keep our noses out? After all the elderly people are free to leave their money to whoever they like??

sylla12 Thu 23-Jun-22 11:50:07

Pink Cosmos ..... You have nothing to loose by reporting this , to "Elder Abuse" as Miss Adventure recommends .. It seems to me that this has happened too many times for it to be a "one off" ... it appears to be targeted...

Reluctantnanna Thu 23-Jun-22 11:49:09

Get in touch with your local councils Safeguarding Team. They will decide whether it's abuse or not. I would report if I had concerns , it's anonymous.

MayBee70 Thu 23-Jun-22 11:44:42

This happened to my uncle who was a widower. He was befriended by a younger woman and when he died he had changed his will so she inherited his house. There was nothing we could do about it and my cousins, who did far more for him than she did, missed out on an inheritance that would have made their lives much easier as they’re very poor. What made it even worse was the woman was always talking about God and any letters she wrote were full of God bless you and stuff like that.

creativz Thu 23-Jun-22 11:43:40

‘Elder Abuse Helplines’ - www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/elder-abuse-helplines

westerlywind Thu 23-Jun-22 11:41:23

ElaineI thank you so much for your very comprehensive response. I am in another Scottish Health Board area.
I assume that a nurse abusing or causing any form of harm to an elderly person with disabilities even if the person was not their patient would not be acceptable. These people (two nurses who are related) are bringing nurses into disrepute.

SparklyGrandma Thu 23-Jun-22 11:40:50

Mention to Adult Safeguarding at your local Social Services. Just in case.

MissAdventure Thu 23-Jun-22 11:40:12

Again, if the couple are have all their faculties, I see it more as a business transaction.
Sell your property to fund care, or spend lonely hours waiting for someone to rush in and do you a microwave meal, or, go out and about, get taken to their home for dinner, and have them on hand to kindly help you with problems that crop up...
I know which I would choose.

The fact that others find it unpalatable is really neither here nor there.

spabbygirl Thu 23-Jun-22 11:37:59

its disgusting, we had this in our family cos we live 300 miles away from my elderly rich uncle, his 'carer' a cousin who he moved to live near once his wife died took control of his life & finances & cos he was very deaf stopped all his family visiting by saying he wasn't well etc. I suspect he was told something untrue & horrid about me too. When he died he left just £200k including the value of his house but 4 yrs prior to this he sold a business for £600k but none of that was in his bank account & I couldn't see his account details cos I was not in the will. Its exploitation & the police and social services, who have a duty to check for financial abuse, need to be made aware because it's so common. They're the ones who can check motives and take appropriate action
Have you seen the work on predatory marriage? Some people even marry lonely, elderly people to get their will, google Joan Blass for an awful account
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-leeds-57405590

Goldieoldie15 Thu 23-Jun-22 11:37:50

I am still befuddled by all the abbé used on this site. Who exactly is DH?

SingleGram Thu 23-Jun-22 11:34:19

This does happen a lot to lonely elderly people. I used to work as a carer in peoples homes and did see similar situations to this. For example a lady in her late 80's had a "boyfriend" that was in his early 30s and would visit her and she would write him checks. I think for outside people in a small community to see "repeat offenders" is enough evidence. It might sound believable for a couple to be left something in one person's will but not to occur again.

Fernhillnana Thu 23-Jun-22 11:33:53

Yes it’s elder abuse and sadly very common.

timetogo2016 Thu 23-Jun-22 10:59:49

I agree with H1954,very dubious imo.

ElaineI Thu 23-Jun-22 10:52:38

westerlywind

ElaineI It looks as you might be a district nurse. You state clearly that district nurses are confided in and can see if things are happening. How would you deal with it if it was a district nurse who was doing this? Several houses bought from those at end of life or going into full time care. All sellers were high 80s to over 90. None of the house sellers lived more than a year after the sale. Next they speak to an older person who inherited the house from one of their targets and try to get them to sell the house to a person of their choice. Other than that conversation they never speak to the older person but they have been doing things to cause the old person extra stress.
In the same health board area we are told we must never "mistreat" nurses.
Your views would be of interest

If it was a district nurse (or any qualified nurse) then they should be reported to the police and their management team. The police would give a crime reference number and you could do it at the station or by phoning the non emergency number. For nurse managers you'd need to find out the health authority (I was under NHS Lothian) and make a written complaint plus an email. There is a complaints procedure in Health Boards but this is actually criminal so reporting to both should be done. And there should be an adult safeguarding team who should also be alerted. I am retired now but it was part of our mandatory training and over the years things were added such as telephone scams - like people getting calls when you were in treating them, tradesmen coming to the door being aggressive, people getting lots of mailing from scam companies and also some people confide in their nurses. Non trained staff also had this training. I would be very upset if I thought a district nurse was doing this because it is an abuse of care and against the law. I don't know what you mean by "mistreat" nurses? All people in health care have the right to do their work without being abused however this is reporting a possible crime and not "mistreating" a nurse.

Shelflife Thu 23-Jun-22 08:24:37

IMO whether the elderly people are of sound mind or not - this is elder abuse and needs reporting asap!! I fear this disgraceful behaviour is
all too common and abusers are getting away with it.

westerlywind Thu 23-Jun-22 08:11:20

ElaineI It looks as you might be a district nurse. You state clearly that district nurses are confided in and can see if things are happening. How would you deal with it if it was a district nurse who was doing this? Several houses bought from those at end of life or going into full time care. All sellers were high 80s to over 90. None of the house sellers lived more than a year after the sale. Next they speak to an older person who inherited the house from one of their targets and try to get them to sell the house to a person of their choice. Other than that conversation they never speak to the older person but they have been doing things to cause the old person extra stress.
In the same health board area we are told we must never "mistreat" nurses.
Your views would be of interest

ElaineI Wed 22-Jun-22 23:44:04

MadeInYorkshire is right it should be reported to safeguarding team or Trading Standards. I have had study days on the same subject because as District Nurses going into the homes of elderly patients we are often confided in or able to pick up on unusual activity happening to our clients and this would absolutely come into that category. The people delivering the study days were police, safeguarding and social care teams and very clear about what we had to report and what failing to report would mean. If you were found to know something and not report it that would mean being investigated and possibly disciplined. Adult protection along with child protection training is routinely given every 3 years at least and mandatory with new scams added as they appear. These people are criminals out to gain for themselves despite the appearance of caring. Your DH is correct in what he thinks.

MissAdventure Wed 22-Jun-22 23:13:58

It's certainly a good money making scheme, but not necessarily illegal.

M0nica Wed 22-Jun-22 23:12:20

If you help someone it should be for entirely altruistic reasons, that they need help and you feel for them, that they are your friend, or a neighbour.

If someone cares for someone simply for the money they hope to inherit, the sooner they are ousted the better

westerlywind Wed 22-Jun-22 22:12:44

One way of knowing if people are grooming the elderly for their own benefit is when the old person dies and it turns out that there is a Will and that they have not been smart enough to know when family have been in or out of the house and then they find out that the house etc has been left to a close relative. When that relative moves into the house the way these types treat the relatives shows that they are angry that they did not get their hands on house or money.

MissAdventure Wed 22-Jun-22 21:56:55

These kinds of things do happen to people other than the elderly.

As so rightly said, widows, widowers, lonely people.

We don't call the police about it though, if the people have no dysfunction in their decision making.

Just because people are older, there is no reason to assume they are somehow unable to decide things.

Witzend Wed 22-Jun-22 21:46:43

If the elderly in question have no relatives, or none that they ever see, and maybe haven’t for years, then I don’t see much wrong with them leaving their assets to anyone who’s helped/been kind to them.

I can’t help thinking of more than one case on Heir Hunters, where some lone old person who’d been befriended and helped by neighbours, sometimes for many years, failed to make a will, and so all their assets passed to someone who didn’t even know - or barely knew - of their existence.

Callistemon21 Wed 22-Jun-22 21:29:05

Yes, people are entitled to leave their assets to whoever they choose.
But being coerced into doing so by unscrupulous people who might target them is wrong and possibly illegal.

It's not just happening to older people, I've seen it happen to widows and divorcées who have been left with nothing, not even the house they owned.

Ali08 Wed 22-Jun-22 21:25:42

Callistemon21

It is a tricky one.
Unless the elderly people are not of sound mind I doubt there is anything that can be done.

I've seen more than one case of this, in one case the person was about the same age but died before the widow he targeted.

Haha, Karma got him!!

sodapop Wed 22-Jun-22 21:10:30

That's what I thought MissA are we missing something?

MissAdventure Wed 22-Jun-22 20:36:53

Perplexing. That's it. blush