Non Attendance at school

I looked after my grandchildren.over night for my soon to be ex daughter in law ...they are 11/7/6
She said she would pick them up at 8!am for school .. but at nine ...asked me were they at school ??
I don't drive so would need a taxi there and back !
She turned up ...in a taxi still drunk from the night before...
And I felt guilty because I hadn't thought to take them !!!
What a nightmare!...
She was the one that asked my son to leave . He didn't want any of it !...

There are many problems due to the pandemic and lockdowns that are being discovered now from babies who have been slow to vocalise/mix due to parents/carers using masks, children in P1 over the last year not being ready for learning in a classroom due to lockdowns affecting nurseries so they are unable to follow instructions and sit still, to teenagers with mental health problems including eating disorders which are inundating CAMHS services at the moment. I think that lockdowns badly affected young people and these problems are only now being identified and worked on. DD1 had P1 class most of whom had never attended nursery or childminders and were the furthest behind children she has ever worked with. Fortunately over the last year the children have mostly advanced so well that they have achieved the levels they should be at. Because of this she is taking them on to P2 which will help them immensely. DD2 works in CAMHs and they are full of young people with eating disorders partly exacerbated by lockdowns and the pandemic. Because they can become very ill, very quickly IPUs are full and other young people are not being assessed properly. Hopefully your daughter will take him to the GP to check there is no physical problem underlying and refer him on for counselling or a MH assessment just to be sure nothing is missed. It is very hard to watch this happening and I am so sorry you have to worry about this.

My DGS hated the school environment so much that anything connected with education would send him into meltdown. He would not learn at home as he associated education with school and school with bullying and exclusion.
Maybe he won’t get a good job but at least he’s still here with us and is becoming more able to cope as he gets older. The schools did what they could to help him but not until it was too late and the damage was done. Some of the teachers just told him to ignore the bullies. Telling a child to ignore a bully who calls you names and pushes you about all day in class made him think teachers were not being fair to him.
My DIL once made him go to school and the head held him screaming while his mum left. It nearly broke them both and she swore she would never do it again.
Please get to the bottom of what is causing these issues with your grandson and make sure he’s ok.

GJ
We owe our children an education. I'm very up for home education. If a parent is able to take it on, I think it's probably even more successful than school. But parents that can cope with home ed are rare and skilled.
Yes, we do owe our children an education. Home Ed is a huge, long term commitment, though there are an increasing number of support groups and online teaching resources for those who want to try.

Teenagers are not wise enough to be allowed to make the decision about their education.
Teenagers are not wise enough to make decisions just about their education either.
They don't have the life experience to understand the consequences of a lack of education or some other decisions they now want to make.

Truanting has always been a problem and I would imagine the pandemic has only made things worse. Some schools only function properly because the very worse students choose to truant. Having had 2 years where schooling wasn't enforced children have realised it is possible not to go. How that problem can be resolved it's difficult to know

MerylStreep

In January of this year it was estimated that there were between 80,000 - 100,000 children missing from the school register.
There are 10s of 1,000s of children affected by the whole lockdown/ covid issue.

Some may be truanting but a few may be suffering at home, hidden away by abusive parents.

This is a big problem that needs better resources to tackle it.

In January of this year it was estimated that there were between 80,000 - 100,000 children missing from the school register.
There are 10s of 1,000s of children affected by the whole lockdown/ covid issue.

That's great paddyann, but we live in a different world now. My niece should have been in school. She was an academic girl and she's chucked her education away and ruined her future. It would have taken a lot of support and help from the school, but she could have been in there, working, instead of in bed. I blame my family for allowing her to throw it away. Losing her dream.

I agree that teenage years are a bad time for education. For many, many children. However, it is the system that our society has put in place and for most kids, there isn't a 2nd chance.

As a teacher I have seen so many children throw their education away. They are confident they can succeed without it. Maybe 1 in 100 can, like paddyann. But that leaves 99 that don't. That end up on JSA or on zero hours contracts or in low paid jobs. One of my lovely ex students has spent the last 10 years working in McDonalds. Sparky, clever, sharp. She could have done so much.

We owe our children an education. I'm very up for home education. If a parent is able to take it on, I think it's probably even more successful than school. But parents that can cope with home ed are rare and skilled.

Teenagers are not wise enough to be allowed to make the decision about their education. They don't have the life experience to understand the consequences of a lack of education

Eldest daughter teaches in a senior school in the SE. She says that the staff are having extra training in how to deal with bullying. which is evidently increasing.
Meanwhile here in the NE we have, doing gardening for us, a single mother of a 15 yr old boy who was being bullied by a gang of 15. She took him out of school 6 months ago to help her.
We definitely need a new look as to how to prepare our teens for the outside world. Via an educational Programme.

I do think, though, paddyann that some children could get out of the habit of going to school, especially since the pandemic when they might have quite enjoyed being at home, doing their schoolwork well but perhaps in two or three hours.
It could become a habit in some cases.

Finding out the cause is essential but just a general reluctance to go might require firmer treatment.

I don't think this particular school is handling this at all well.

I totally disagree Gaga my GD's health comes before anything else ,I say that as someone who left school at 15 against everyones wishes and had my own business at 21 ,
That and the other businesses that I've had over the decades have provided for our own family and for 16 other families,I sold one to an international compny who head hunted me but were happy to take the business and my guidance for 18 months so it continued in the same way .
NO exams,I believe I've been successful without them and know many others who did the same .Life without what you call a proper education is very much a viable proposition ,even in 2022 .Especially if it comes at a risk of mental health issues from an early age

Sometimes it's impossible get to the bottom of what is worrying a child though. Often it isn't one simple thing, like low self esteem or being bullied, but a combination of several issues. Some cope, some don't.
I was the mother, and Headmistress, who forced my child into school. It was the wrong thing to do and I should have been more concerned with the child's welfare than achieving decent grades. I wouldn't do that again.
You're right purplehead your DD can't physically force her son to go, it's not like she can bundle him into the car at that age. And anyway, he is quite capable of bunking off the minute she drops him at the gate, believe me.
I have no answers, but as others have said, things can turn out fine in the end and I hope that is the case for you once your daughter has explored counselling or a chat with the GP.

I suspect it is nothing to do with school , so I agree with Callistemon. Forcing him into school may well backfire , however I would most definitely press him to talk and tell his parents his fears. Certainly missing school can be very detremental , however if this happens all is not lost . As a past teacher in FE I have seen students who failed in school make the most amazing progress in a FE college. This environment is often a more appropriate learning environment, so all is not lost !

M0nica

but others, have truanted, turned to drugs, self-harmed, had mental breakdowns and committed suicide when they have been forced back to school with the problem that caused the school aversion in the first place, unresolved.

That's why I said:

I think it's a good idea to get to the bottom of what could be worrying a child and it could be nothing to do with school

but others, have truanted, turned to drugs, self-harmed, had mental breakdowns and committed suicide when they have been forced back to school with the problem that caused the school aversion in the first place, unresolved.

I'm afraid, as a mother and as a teacher, I would have just forced both of these girls into school. I'd have every sympathy for how they felt, but wouldn't put their education on hold because of it

I think it's a good idea to get to the bottom of what could be worrying a child and it could be nothing to do with school. But yes, I've known a couple of instances where parents have ensured reluctant teenagers do attend school and have had successful outcomes, overcoming the school refusal, succeeding, going to university and having good careers - ironically as teachers themselves.

I've had a couple of experiences with friends or family in relation to school refusal.

1) Niece. At 15 became very resistent to school. Her mother sympathised and wouldn't force her. In the end, it was decided she could become home schooled, which in actual fact meant almost no work at all (I know this because I worked with her remotely, and she did almost none of the work I gave her). Her ambition was to be a primary teacher and she totally blew this due to not getting GCSEs, then A Levels, hence, couldn't go to uni. She's spent the last 10 years in low paid jobs and is still living in a bedsit.

2) A friend had a very similar situation with her DD to the OP. Daughter claimed to be ill A LOT. Friend was sympathetic and didn't force her daughter into school. At the end of the year, her attendance on her school report was four times higher than my DD, who had health issues.

I'm afraid, as a mother and as a teacher, I would have just forced both of these girls into school. I'd have every sympathy for how they felt, but wouldn't put their education on hold because of it.

As a teacher, I know schools can make lots of accommodations for students that are wary of school. There will be teaching assistants or a SENCO, or somewhere that can let them work outside of a classroom environment. At times students can be given work in the room of a teacher who is on a planning period (for supervision).

I also agree with Glorianny. There will be some sort of attendance officer or a head of year that can go out of school, to collect students. I do think that other than if a student locks themself into a bedroom, they should be made to go into school, unless a parent is prepared to take on active home schooling.

Life without a proper education isn't a viable proposition.

Schools used to have attendance officers (not sure if they do now) one of their jobs was to try and help get school refusers into school. They would sometimes offer lifts, or arrange to meet the child and accompany them into school. Some were excellent and offered real support. It might be worth asking if the school has one.

Please encourage your daughter to seek help, I do think his head of year should not simply suggest he is at an arkward age or it's all down to hormones! Good luck.

I think the school counsellor will have experience of dealing with school refusal, will listen and might find out if there is a specific problem he doesn't want to share with his mother.

The School Psychological Service probably has a long waiting list, as annodomini said but chatting to the school counsellor may be all that is necessary at this stage.

Many thanks for all your helpful replies.
I have taken on board all your comments and will tell my daughter to ask for some school work to be done at home (nev er thought of that) and to see GP and possibly a councellor

I am surprised at the Head of Year's attitude, particularly him citing having missed so much time during the pandemic as an excuse

I'm not surprised and I do think it's a factor if not the whole problem in this case.

paddyann's post gives an insight into some of the problems that Covid lockdowns have caused with some children. Anxiety over perhaps passing on the virus to vulnerable relatives. One of my DGC has to use crowded public transport to travel to and from school which is an added anxiety.
Feeling comfortable with working at home with no distractions and producing good work then returning to school with distractions in the classroom.
Friendship groups may have shifted, too, causing unhappiness.

Most schools seem to have at least a peripatetic welfare officer post-pandemic and I'm surprised the Head of Year has not suggested your DGS has meetings with him or her. He might be able to talk to an outside, non- judgemental person abut any problems he is reluctant to share with family or teachers. The school needs to be more proactive than this.

It would be as well to arrange a checkup with the GP too, to make sure nothing is physically wrong.

It's always worth checking if the absences coincide with a particular subject, particular teacher etc.

Poor chap. I do think that schools are pretty horrible places, it is the only time in your life when you simply have no choice but to be in a group of people you may dislike and then a lot of these horrendous academies demand truly ridiculous rules. Perhaps if your daughter could go for a walk or a drive with him he may be able to tell her the problem…..often when people do not have to look at someone they are able to open up.

My son was rather timid as a boy and went through a phase of crying when leaving the house for school. It went on for a few weeks obviously I was concerned and asking questions. He was being bullied and was worried about telling anyone including us. Until it came to ahead and it was sorted out by the school and dealt with quickly.
My son soon settled down and promised to talk to us about any problems in future. It could be something similar when going through adolescence it’s difficult to admit things to people. It might be something that a good supportive talk can remedy.