Feeling upset

It's horrible isn't it? This is soo common you're definitely not alone! Leave them to it. We had similar bad behaviour from so called "friend's" and we survived! You're made of stronger stuff-even to tell us about this takes guts, good for you!

welbeck

sounds a bit childish to me.
who cares, let them do what they want.
you can't control other people.
does it really matter.

I get what you mean , although you sound a tad bitter?maybe not .it's just how your comment sounds to me

Suziehi, my DH and me have been through a similar thing recently. We’re no longer flavour of the month with a certain couple. They have moved on from us. Initially I was upset, but do you know, I couldn’t give a fig anymore. I’m a “once bitten twice shy” kind of person. We have other friends and other interests. Like you we have each other. Be thankful for that and move on from it. You’ll soon begin to realise that you don’t need people like these in your life.
Sending you hugs. ? and flowers ?.

It must of been very hurtful for you, but I would rise above it and don't be like them, arrange a lunch for you all and go and enjoy it.
I've found since my divorce my friendships changed. I'm the only one single and never get invited to dinners or barbecues anymore. The wives asked me out for lunch with them, but never to couples events. It hurts when they tell me about the nights they have had while I've been sitting in alone, but if they don't want me there there's nothing I can do to change it. Well get another man I suppose and I definitely don't want to do that.

Social snubbing is as old as the hills and not irrelevant. It’s so shocking possibly because we think we are held in higher regard than we are? Or they were just nicer than they are? It’s a shift and it feels crap. What I have found though since covid is that I don’t want to resurrect the arrangements I had with others before then, what a relief. Probably mutual. I think we big up our relationships until we are forced to reassess. And the other weird thing is I had so many more friends who were often single when I was a couple and was forever accommodating them singly etc and then I became single and it seemed they scarpered that was a shock. I think because a lot of the women preferred my husband which didn’t occur to me. Not the sisterhood I imagined .
Did you say that you already had developed a relationship with the new couple? I’d step back from such competition, rise above.

Yeah I’d be pretty miffed. Sorry but I would be.

How do you know that she is complaining about cooking? You must be keeping in contact with some one.
If they don't value your friendship then why bother putting in the effort.
We can't be liked by everyone.
If you are concerned ask, some one must have noticed you weren't asked.

I thought Wellbeck's comment probably had a grain of truth too.

I would find that upsetting too, but as another poster said - you can’t control other people. The reasoning could be anything but its really none of your business. Let them crack on and you do you. Out of interest, do you ever initiate the plans or organise the get together? Maybe you should then you will definitely be invited ;) xxx

Let it go and meet new people. X

I thought Welbeck's comment was perfectly acceptable.

Me too Luckygirl. I know exactly how you feel ?

They are simply widening their social circle. You are probably still in it; just not this time! Think Venn diagram - all 4 couples, and more, can interact separately or in any combination. Your life has become richer, not poorer...

I can fully understand you feeling hurt. When you have a close group of friends they mean a lot. Not many feel as Wellbeck, off with the old on with the new. It matters. However since being widowed I am not part of the couples we used to socialise with, it was fine at first, but now it’s down to cards, I tried really hard to maintain the friendships but they didn’t want a single woman around apparently.
If you can, put this to rest, a true friend doesn’t treat you like that. I think people have lots of friendly acquaintances, this is what I’ve found since I socialised in a different way, if something is arranged and a better offer comes up, they cancel, so I’ve had to learn not to let it get me down. To be happy in my own company. You have your husband and honestly you don’t need friends like that.

I don’t see it the same way as other people do here.
There’s no reason why couples can’t have different friendship groups which overlap. It would be horrible to think you weren’t allowed to meet up with A+B unless C+ D were always invited. And if new friends come along, then it becomes unwieldy if you feel you have to invite A+B plus C +D in order that newbies E+F can be included.
I certainly don’t feel my mutual friends cannot meet up without me and I wouldn’t want to be constrained in the same way either.
You don’t know the newbies E+F so organise the regular meet up and don’t take it personally.

My best friend from five years old stopped speaking to me for a year during covid, because she didn't like the way I said something last time I'd left her house. . In the end admitted it was trivial and told me.
We speak now, but the damage is done. We could have supported each other during that very difficult period.
People are disappointing.

I find, on the whole, that people, in general, are disappointing. A "friend" of mine, whom I'd known for 15 years, stopped contacting me when I was seriously ill in hospital last year. It hurt me very much, but I think she'll end up being lonely

luckygirl3 I feel the same. I remember being upset overa similar scenario when my husband was alive.

Now, these petty jealousies pale into insignificance when we're not even part of a couple any more, or invited as a singleton because we don't ghave a spouse.

Thank you all for taking time to read my post, exchange your experiences and give advice. Especially the ones that have make me feel better!
Saying “they’re not into you” is rather unkind and there is a saying “if you can’t say something nice (uplifting?) best not to say anything at all”

One thing I have learned since being on my own is that it is important to live for oneself and not through others. I am not saying that people should be selfish, but that they should find ways of recognising their existence as having value and that it does not matter what others think of you if you are true to yourself.

Please try and put this behind you. You have your OH and I am sure many others who value you - concentrate on them and move on from this.

True, Monica.

I'd add that people are basically selfish and do what pleases them the most, even if that means hurting someone else's feelings. Loyalty seldom enters into companionships and it's hard enough for some spouses to be loyal.

All sorts of things can change friendship patterns. Things like this happen all the time, in all circumstances. Give it a 10 minute moan and then forget it.

Think of all the other things that could have gone wrong in life and do for other people.

Suzie, the other couple moved the goalposts. Originally the ethos of the meetings was mutual companionship for all concerned, and a good idea it was.

It's actually unfair of the other couple to let you down as they did. Most of the replies here indicate that is what people do. It even happens to married couples ! They may not even know they were doing it.

Forget them,don't try and work out their actions you'll only upset each other more.
Be friendly when you see them but don't go over the top and look pathetic. Get on with your own life and you'll soon have more friends you might even find your original friends will find them boring and then if they make overtures to you ,you will have to reaccess if you want their company.
Some people don't make friends easily or are overbearing, they latch onto others.
Good luck be happy together.

It is difficult to know what you should actually do, if anything. I suppose you could invite the "new couple" and the "other couple" to lunch leaving out the best friend, it would be petty but rather fun!!!!