Feeling upset

Covid has shown me that some humans live by a different moral code. I have been very disappointed by the behaviour of some friends, they just can't be the people I need them to be.

Rise above this perceived insult and move forwards and onwards towards bigger and better things.

Hi, yes this is upsetting. But if it hadn't been covid that intervened something else would have emerged eventually. Sometimes the folk we think are our friends aren't really, they are just acquaintances.

So, treat them like you would acquaintances - if you bump into them say hello and be polite then move on. If you meet them at other events, do likewise. No need to explain yourself, as Razzamatazz says, rise above it.

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

sounds a bit childish to me.
who cares, let them do what they want.
you can't control other people.
does it really matter.

Neither couple is worthy of you or your headspace. Forget them.

People can display odd behaviour under any circumstances it’s all rather childish. When I was divorced my first husband I lost our mutual friends. I was not invited to family parties either it’s as if I didn’t fit as a single parent.
It was hurtful but I got over it and had to rise above it to move on. At least you are not alone so enjoy new friends you will encounter.

Don’t worry about it. Probably there was always a bit of non compatibility there and Covid brought it out. We have a similar position with some people we used to go out with. One couple we just didn’t really like but we kept asking them because the other couple were their close friends. Since Covid we have drifted and now we only keep in touch with our original friends and we don’t go out together much anyway.

This happen3d to me a few years ago. My best friend,who I usually met 2 or 3 times a week ,started a group of 5 ladies who have a dinner party once a month, go on day trips and cinema visits. I know all these ladies but was never invited.
She then has the cheek to complain how stressful she finds preparing and cooking for her turn!

well, as the youngers would say, they're just not that into you.

Why do people have a problem with accepting that people go off people for whatever reason.

Let it go! Don't even dwell on it. Next time they may ask you to come. Anyone is entitled to meet up with who they like.

I can understand saying people go off you , but still hurts ... I get hurt deep down, although try not to show it to others, past few years I have had so called friends do it across me ... a couple only wanted me so if they needed to go on a walk (at different times as don't know each other) during Covid now not one is bothered with me now ... but hey ho ... as they say say one door closes another one opens ... yes I believe that ... try not to let it get you down, also try not to show to them it hurts you if you ever see or speak to them ... someone said to me a couple of years years ago ... sometimes you have to leave friends behind & move on

If they are like that then they're not very good friends anyway and it's not worth investing heavily in such people as they will eventually disappoint.

Couples friendships can have a strange dynamic. I get on very well with a woman from my golf club but when the 4 of us had a social the husbands had very little in common.

Interesting what you say, Nyman, because that is how it was with this extra couple. The men clearly didn't particularly want to talk to each other- nothing in common. The women were better at rabbiting on about nothing in this instance!

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

Sending a virtual hug to you Luckygirl

Welbeck, you are rather rude

Maybe they had a better connection with that couple. I would let it go or you will come across as needy and petty.

I agree with welbeck. Other people have said essentially the same thing, just with more padding/cushioning.

MerylStreep in answer to your question up thread…
Because it hurts.

Bellanonna I agree with your comment re Welbeck. Maybe she has a large group of friends and this situation has never happened to her.

Just recently I have had to deal with an ongoing medical problem with my DH and I certainly have found out who my friends are. Some have surprised me and a lot have been a total let down.

Relationships change. Goodness knows married couples face relationship problems so how much more do lunch companions do so!

Be the adult and rise above it.

Bellanonna

Welbeck, you are rather rude

I think it was just a bit blunt.

Do you still see the new couple you introduced to the group?
How about the other couple from the original group of six of you?

I would like to think that if leaving you out becomes a habit, then the other two couples would ask why you and your husband weren’t there.

I can see why you feel a bit hurt but couldn’t you arrange a lunch get together and invite everyone?
You may well find that someone says how nice it is to see you and that they noticed you weren’t at the previous lunch.

I think as women we feel any perceived slight more keenly than men.
No matter how old we are, it takes us back to our school days when perhaps we felt left out of things at times.
It happens to us all I’m sure.