Help - strained relationship with grandkids because off DIL methods

Heavens above! So your Dil isn’t flavour of the month, smothering! That’s very nasty, why don’t you look at the bigger picture here, your grandchildren have come over to a strange country they are very young, what on earth do you expect, and you only went where your dil wanted to, what about your son in all this, I presume he behaved perfectly! Be grateful they came thousands of miles to see you,

I’m honestly sure that there are some adults who forget what it was like to be a child.

Odd when OP doesn’t return ?

They are only five and seven. Do they really know you at all? If you are a stranger to them, their reaction is normal. It takes time to build relationships and this is harder with overseas based grandchildren.

Congratulations on your milestone anniversary.

Your GC had travelled a long way and were in a strange environment. What did you expect? They are very young and needed the security of their Mum. You may be Grandma but the reality is they don't know you and why would you expect them to feel comfortable holding your hand ? Please don't let your feelings spoil the pleasure of having seen them all, it must have been wonderful to see them and I do understand how much you had looked forward to being with your GC. Don't take it personally, Mum was simply trying to reassure them .

There is no problem here at all.

1000s of miles, time zones, different everything, of COURSE young children are going to cling to their mother!

I mean, people even SOUND different than at home. Mom and Dad are their security in a strange place. I wouldn’t be surprised if they glommed onto their mom like the face hugger on Aliens!

Things like this do not bother me, I dont care whose hand they hold. Please dont look for problems.

Perhaps, AngelaGran, you could re-frame your attitude "my GC are 5&7, my son brought them 1000s of miles - maybe I should be happy."

Another post where OP doesn’t return.

I’m sorry you feel disappointed but please don’t take it too personally.

Your DGC were in a strange country for starters. It’s only natural they would want to stay close to their mum. Strange country, strange accents, strange everything. Try not to let it get you down.

Happy anniversary.??

Congratulations.

When did you last see them prior to this visit AngelaGran? I ask because I think it's very relevant. They wont know you in the same way if you lived in the same country and saw them on a regular basis.

Even if you have regular Facetime chats, it's not the same. They're still young aren't they at 7 and 5, in a country not dissimilar to where they live but still different, not home and a long way from home.

If they are being smothered, and TBH I'm not sure why you think so, they have two parents so it's not necessarily just your d.i.l.

You had your son and family with you to celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary. Not everyone's as fortunate even though their AC and family live in the same country.

Well that went well
Nothing to add I agree with all the posters you’re expecting too much my friend accept that they came to visit and celebrate your anniversary and you met the grandkids

notgran

AngelaGran. Congratulations on your 50th Wedding Anniversary and having a family who travel 1000s of miles to spend it with you. Count your blessings.

I agree with notgran enjoy the time with your family without resentment.

If there was smothering, it didn't come from the dil

By the way, where OP's son stand here? "Stuck in the middle"?

AngelaGran. Congratulations on your 50th Wedding Anniversary and having a family who travel 1000s of miles to spend it with you. Count your blessings.

When my grandson was 5 or so, he was very against hugs. So I said it was rude to ignore people being friendly, and taught him to shake hands. He is now 10 and still does it when introduced to an adult for the first time. (He can tell right hand from left as a side effect)

i think this must be written by the DIL, probably hoping UK grannie will read and reflect.

If the GC are only 7 and 5 years old and you haven't been in their lives regularly then they are hardly likely to know you well enough to want to hold your hand or sit with you and away from their Mum are they?

Just be grateful that they were able to visit and celebrate your wedding anniversary, it certainly doesn't mean that their Mum has smothered them.

I'm sorry, I don't understand the problem, who was smothered, and why any of this is to DIL not your son?

is this a reversal.

My little granddaughter will play happily all day, but even as a baby, first sight of her mummy, she’d be trembling with excitement, I think she would have crawled over hot coals to get to her.

My thoughts too Farzanah

I’m sorry but this is so typical of why daughter/mother in law relationships go sour. You are blaming your DiL for nothing in particular, your son is clearly too perfect to be anything other than the perfect parent.
When our son was born my MiL said “we look forward to having as much time and sharing things with DGS but we won’t interfere in any way” and they didn’t. No advice unless asked for, no trying to undermine relationships. The perfect MiL and FiL.

in a strange country I’d be concerned if the children didn’t want to sit next to, hold hands with mummy.

Nothing to add to this really, it says it all. My GC see me most days but, when we're out and about as a whole family, it's their mummy's and daddy's they sit next to or who's hands they hold. And that's perfectly natural.