Husband’s moods spoiling things

FarNorth

^DH says if I keep helping out my DD will never do anything for herself.^

He's right.
You are not really helping her.

Is this the mum of your 15 year old grandson?
I think you were sad that he didn't really need you anymore. If so, I know you were pretty upset and felt your time had been "wasted".
If so, I wonder if your dear husband feels that now your grandson is nearly grown up it's time to let your daughter grow up too - and enjoy more time doing things just for yourself? Or together?

He may not be being mean and miserable - it might be his way of trying to protect you from yourself and at the same time encourage your daughter grow up a little?

I think Helicoptor parenting is the term to use here. Of course it's lovely to have a close relationship with ones children and grandchildren but as someone very wisely said on here a while ago, " your adult children and grandchildren are part of your life, not all of your life". You sound as if you take your husband completely for granted and yes, you need to sit down and discuss it with him properly. I hate sulking too, it's passive aggressive but maybe your husband has no other way to express his unhappiness.

I have a friend that also does everything for her adult children. Her second husband who she had one child with eventually got fed up of it. He was a good man and had brought her eldest 3 up as her first husband died when they were very young. You sound very much like her. She was at their beck and call continually even after they’d left home. Even on holidays abroad she’d be continually on the phone to them. I find it odd. I love my sons and grandchildren dearly but find that level of involvement unnatural.

My friend’s husband eventually asked for a divorce and she’s now on her own. She has met someone else but they don’t live together and two years in he’s already making comments about this over involvement with family. I suppose it’s up to you but I think you’re being selfish and your husband should be given more consideration. However, you’re already thinking how it would be without him so maybe let him go.

If your DGS is 15 (?is that right?) then your DD must be old enough to have a 15 year old and therefore old enough to deal with her own life.

What is it you do for her? - I had assumed that this was child care, but that is no longer needed.

List what you do for her, and how much time it takes up per week. Maybe when it is written down you will be able to think about it more objectively.

It is all about balance. If your OH was grumbling because you see DD once a week on an adult to adult basis then I would say he was being grumpy old git. But it seems this is not the scenario.

Your daughter takes you for granted and you take your husband for granted. Your daughter is grateful your husband is resentful you need to adjust the time you give to both of them.

Give your daughter a bit of space by not being so available see how that goes. Give your husband a bit more time in whatever way and see how it goes. In the meantime say nothing to either of them about it just do it. Give yourself a break from the tug of love you might enjoy the results who knows.