Worried about my daughter

Good to read your daughter has a house and meds which mean she’ll see her GP for reviews. I hope things improve for her so for you as well.
Debbie, RA and osteo are both exhausting conditions, as well as causing pain. There’s good advice here about sleepovers with one grandchild at a time.

Thank you

We did have him for a sleepover on Saturday and took him out today ( on his own) . We did feel bad about not spending as much time with him, unfortunately when he was born, my health deteriorated quite quickly , I have rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis, so I haven't been well enough to look after him. My husband retired last week so we will take our grandson out more ?

Bluebell's advice is spot on. Tell your daughter you cannot manage two at a time (even if you can) and make sure one child doesn't get the top prize (staying at your's) all the time. I also felt sad for the youngest one left on his own, poor lad - imagining what a good time the others were having with granny.

So pleased your daughter has a new home to look forward to now.

I'm another who thinks to welcome all three of your grandchildren for sleep-overs but in rotation - I think they will be less exhausting that way and it will "confirm" that their real home is with your daughter.

Have a great time! ??

Thank you, its such a relief

Well that all happened quickly total miracle win win all round

If it ever happens that you need to have the children in future ( when you come back from your cruise) take them for short periods…. a day, one night or at most a weekend and have them one by one leaving two at home not one left out on their own for ever

Wonderful news Debbi have a good cruise

That's great news Debbi.

Update # Daughter had the call yesterday, she has a house ? finally after 8 years on the list . She's also taking the anti depressants the doctor prescribed, so hopefully a fresh start for everyone. I can finally relax and start looking forward to our cruise ?

Not long now and you'll be on your cruise and the children will be back with Mum, where, lets face it, they belong. Has she made childcare arrangements for when you're away or is she hoping you will cancel your holiday?

Thank you, I did manage to talk to her this morning, she's agreed to contact her doctor. Which she did and he has prescribed some medication for her to try. So hoping that helps ?

Your daughter needs to seek more medical advice, and insist on some help - whether it's physical or mental.

The GP may also be able to write to the council, perhaps jogging on her rehousing a bit.

It's not easy being a single parent, but she needs to get the help, and then step up to the mark.

If she perks up with her boyfriend, she must be able to muster enthusiasm for some things.

She's probably just got complacent, simply because she knows that you care for the children.

But, that's not good enough for the children. They need to feel wanted in their own home as well.

So, enjoy your cruise - and leave your phone switched off as much as possible.

Then, when you get back, try and lay down sone boundaries with your DD - we can't be there for them 24/7, to the exclusion of all else.?

He's with me today , Mummy has work for a couple of hours , he's been helping me with housework , now going to the park . Spoke to my daughter this morning and she's agreed to talk to doctor, so that a positive step

Must be sad for the little boy living with his mum when neither of his sisters are there to keep him company. He is left to cope with his mum on his own.

Deedaa My Mum is 82 and a widow, dad died 13 years ago, lung Cancer . Sorry for the confusion, its my other daughter ( her twin ) that still lives at home and just qualified as a teacher

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's Myeloma diagnosis. Does she have a partner or is she on her own. You are likely to find your hands pretty full with her when she starts treatment.

Your daughter sounds depressed to me but there's not a lot you can do without her agreement. I would enjoy your holiday while you can.

Take this much needed cruise Debbi and take the opportunity of a re set on your return.

It does sound as if your D needs some help which is more than her doctor diagnosing her with stress, and all the time the children can stay with you, she can 'ignore' the problem(s) as she knows the children are being taken care of.

Of course you want to be there for, and are worried about the children but this is not a long term solution for you, them or your D. Your D needs to accept that she needs help, and not just the help she's receiving from you and your DH.

Lets get things into perspective.
You are booked to go on a cruise with your husband. The children currently living with you will have to return to Mum for at least the time you are away. Do not even consider giving up your holiday because I can see this notion will come into your daughter's head soon.
You and your DH have earned the right to happy retirement, do not spoil it. Your daughter needs professional help, so help her to access it.
Consider what you would say to a friend who's daughter was behaving like this. What would you advise her to do?
When you return from your cruise you have a golden opportunity to change the rules, perhaps have just one child to stay for a week, then let the next one swap over, and even the youngest one in his turn. You are not getting any younger.

Debbi58 with your most recent post I think traveling more often with your partner is just the right medicine for your ails. About your grandkids being sad that you’ll be away, to remember that children get upset about so many things, that doesn’t mean that those things are bad or awful. For them, and for you, “this too shall pass”. Though they may be upset or sad, they will benefit from your temporary absence in ways they can’t understand, as it will hopefully force your daughter to step up to the plate for them. Also their being upset is expected and unavoidable. It is not unreasonable for you to take a vacation.

I won’t comment on your daughter refusing to drive and this being her first job, let alone a part-time one, and her perking up only for her boyfriend, etc as I’m sure you can imagine what I think about that.

You being unavailable to your daughter at this time (doesn’t have to be forever, just temporary) may be exactly what is needed. However, when you begin to doubt yourself: remember that this isn’t the end of the world, your daughter is not the first person to have been a single working parent with a lull in hands-on support, and she won’t be the last. So please do not feel guilty, you’ve already done enough of that! And when you are gone on your travels, it will likely be difficult for her at first, but that doesn’t mean you must rush back home and cancel your cruise, it means she must persevere. So, might I suggest letting your daughter know that you won’t be available much at all during your trip? And then stick to that, have it be a trip with minimal communication with anyone via phone or text. I only say that because I just don’t want you to be preoccupied the entire time and glued to your phone trying to help your daughter from afar. Like another person said, you deserve this trip (and many more!)

I so hope that you and your partner have a lovely time celebrating his retirement. Enjoy your cruise and when you get back, set another date for another trip! I wish you both (and your daughter) well!

BlueBelle - I interpreted last post from OP as daughter's twin sister was still living at home- just qualified as teacher. Daughter with the difficulty lives separately with 5 year old son.

I m a bit confused now you say in your latest post that she still lives at home with you
But earlier you said the girls live with you and the grandson is crying on the phone to come and stay with you as well
So that doesn’t make sense !

So do you and your husband have twin girls and three children living with you ???

Oops a few typo's, hope it makes sense

She has a part time job ( her first ever job ) she can't drive ( refuses to learn ) both the dads are off the scene ( their choice) so it's always just been , me , my husband and her twin sister , she still lives at home because if her studies. She's a newly qualified teacher, I can't ask her to talk to her sister though , unfortunately their relationship is non existence. I have try everything I could think of other the last couple of years to support my daughter, nothing seems to have helped. I've tried a heart to heart etc and she just agrees with me on everything, but nothing changes. My 10 year old granddaughter was really suffering with her own mental health living with her mother . She says Mummy doesn't care about me etc , it breaks my heart , hence she's been with us. She's a different child here , much happier and out going . I'm just so worried I'm doing the wrong thing ? everyone I bring up going home , she gets upset