Should i pay- tricky dilemma

If they contact 999 often enough the ambulance service will put in a referral to social services on their behalf... this is actually misuse of an emergency service.
Stay strong... they have funds.. do not be railroaded into giving money... if your siblings are SO concerned let them deal/pay for what is required themselves.
You have your future to think about as well.....

2 issues here:
1. The parent's 'need'
2. Your ability to join in the payment scheme.

I suggest that you tell your siblings you really can't afford this, and suggest the following:

Your siblings pay, and keep account. When parents dies, assuming you all inherit equally (do you know?) you will pay them back from your share.
If parent is as wealthy as you say, and isn't leaving it to the cats' home, you will easily be able to have slightly less than your siblings. If your siblings are as well off as you think (maybe need to be aware when you suggest this?) they can manage a slightly larger share now.

As for getting assessment of needs, it is an excellent idea, but the system is so stretched, I wouldn't rely on it.

You should feel no guilt saying you can't afford it. Your parents can afford it themselves, so they should pay. If they don't and keep calling 999, surely that will result in some sort of referral that will assess their needs?

This is the time for you to be clear about your position and be firm. Otherwise next time something is needed, they'll expect you to do it again.

I apologise if this sounds harsh but I wonder if your siblings are thinking 'the more we put in, the more we get back' when your parents pass on?
Did they look around, or just go for the first bed they saw?
I think there'd be possibly cheaper alternatives, if they had bothered to look around. Plus, if it's a case if falling out if bed, you can get rails that slide between the mattress and base to help keep them in.
Definitely go for the payment plan, though, and let your siblings know you are not as well off as them!!
Good luck.

No, you shouldn’t pay. Another contributor suggests simply saying ‘That doesn’t work for me,’ and I agree with her.

I’m currently sorting out care for my mother and as others have suggested, your parents need a proper OT assessment. I was told by an OT that the kind of electric bed purchased from an ordinary shop is unlikely to be safe if needed for physical difficulties.

One problem is that the bed controls can accidentally be used by the occupant in such a way that they can be shot off the end of the bed onto the floor and be left with serious injuries.

The issue here is the entitlement that your siblings and parents have over you and your resources

I agree. They have no right to dictate your spending.

Smileless2012

Simply be honest and say that you can't afford it, or offer a reduced amount toward the cost. If you don't say no to this the1bg you'll be expected to contribute to other things too.

If you offer a reduced contribution make it clear that you can't afford to pay toward anything else. If your extremely wealthy parents aren't prepared to purchase this for themselves, whose to say they'll make use of it anyway.

No need to feel guilty so don't allow anyone to make you feel that way.

Good advice Smileless

I would assume that your parents and siblings are aware that they are more comfortably off than you, so rather unfair to expect you to contribute. Unless, of course, they didn’t wish to appear patronising by not including you. I would certainly not expect my children to buy an expensive item when I am well able to afford it myself. Just tell them that you can’t afford it, as you have enough demands on your finances.

If you cannot afford it then you must say so. People with money often fail to grasp how difficult the lives of those on tighter budgets are - e.g. BJ and the electric kettle.

If an electric bed is needed for medical reasons - or indeed any other equipment - this can be supplied free on the NHS or from the LA.

My OH, who was initially self-funding as regards care, was supplied with many items free, including an electric bed.

Don't pay. They can afford it so obviously don't want it. Your siblings are being unfair to you and treating your parents as if they're children by ignoring the fact that they obviously don't want/feel they need the equipment.

Nooooo! You have answered the question yourself. Your parents can afford it, your siblings can afford it, you can't afford it. There is nothing more to consider! No way should you open your purse and contribute. Tell them what you like but keep your money for what it's needed, and in the current situation you will need every penny.

Your parents may not want to buy it out of pride. They may be thinking they don't need it, and buying it is like giving into their frailty. A relation of mine really needs a wheelchair or rollator, so trips out can be longer, but not buying one because "it will make me look old". Plus I know they don't want to spend their money because they don't want to spend their families inheritance. Difficult.
If you don't want to be seen as "the one that didn't contribute and didn't care" then the option to pay in small installments is a good idea. Make the installments manageable for you, not what others suggest, even it is £10 a month.

If you can't pay, you can't. However, you will inherit the same % as other siblings, I expect?

I think that they really need an assessment from occupational therapy. They will identify needs and make recommendations. The bed might not be what's needed, for instance rails might be a better option. A lot of items are free as it's not means tested but according to need. The family can then decide whether to purchase or not. There's no need to feel guilty about not being able to pay. You just need to be frank and honest.

Please do not tell them you cannot afford it, they do not have to know anything about your financial situation

Just tell them "it doesn't work for me"
Lather, rinse and repeat

The issue here is the entitlement that your siblings and parents have over you and your resources

Hell no!

Not at all

Nopety nope

thelbg please, please, don't let your wealthy siblings guilt trip you into paying anything towards equipment that, as others say, in all likelihood your wealthy parents won't make good use of.

It won't stop with the bed, there will be all sorts of other things to buy that might help your parents and you need to set the precedent now.

As for "having capacity," I would query that with someone who regularly gets stuck in bed but refuses to put measures in place to avoid it, and instead thinks that carrying on calling 999 is in anyway acceptable or a rational way to behave.

An occupational therapist visit to assess their home safety is well overdue.
When my Mum ended up in hospital after a fall it was a requirement before she could be discharged.

My 91 year old Dad hasn't been wearing his alarm button all the time. He's having dizzy spells and has had a couple of falls. I'm having to speak quite bluntly (in a kind way) to him about the possible consequences!

Best wishes and stay strong ?

thelbg I'm surprised that your parents haven't been assessed by Occupational Therapy/Community Therapy for the aids they need. You should suggest to your siblings that they do need to be properly assessed in order for them to have the right aids/equipment.

Some equipment will be provided free on loan but adaptations like walk in showers will probably mean your parents will have to make a financial contribution. I recently had an electric bed on loan for several weeks following a fall so that I could sleep downstairs until I could manage the stairs again.

there should be a proper assessment of needs before any equipment is bought. contact local SS and OT. might need a referral from GP.
let me tell you of another situation.
elderly person living alone in sheltered flat.
had some limited careworker input.
client becoming less able and confused.
careworker requested family to seek expert input from OT/SS.
family decided not necessary, instead they bought an air mattress and placed it on existing bed !
careworker protested, was dismissed as uneducated foreigner.
next morning client found on floor, injured. taken to hosp and SS said needed 24 hr care.
family annoyed at wasted money on mattress.
cannot be re-sold or even donated. no one will accept.

If I was as wealthy as your parents, I wouldn’t expect my children to pay for anything. They don’t “see the need” , or is it that they don’t want to spend the money? It’s not fair to be calling 999 every time they fall out of bed. The elderly can be very stubborn. Just be honest, and tell them you can’t afford it. Let your siblings or parents put their hands in their pockets and please don’t feel guilty about it.

As for not being able to access the bath, get their GP to give you the number for social services loans. LA social services loan out items such as bath lifts, wheelchairs, kettle tippers, wheelie- walkers etc, and it's never means tested.
We paid out for a stair lift for my DM, she used it for seven months, and when we sold it back to the suppliers, we lost 85% of the cost as it was 'second hand'!

Thank you for replies. To answer some questions-they can easily afford it, they have substantial savings and big pensions, its that they dont want to spend the money as they dont see the need. But they keep getting stuck in bed or roll out onto the floor, and call 999 for help, the features the bed has would make a genuine difference to their safety and independence. No capacity concerns. Very independent for 90. Its the guilt that i struggle with if i say i cant contribute, but also siblings have never had money concerns, whereas although i am ok, i have never been able to afford luxuries and holidays, (but have a really good life despite this) but i dont think siblings get this. Maybe my contribution could be over a period of a few months. The latest thing is putting in a level access shower as they cant access the bath !!!!!

I agree with other GNs here. For your sake & that of your DD, don't be railroaded into contributing. Say no, making it clear that your own financial circumstances just don't permit this. Let your siblings pay for whatever is required or - better still - let your parents pay for theit own needs. Be firm! Good luck!

I bet they won't even use it, myself I would contact your siblings either on masse or individual and say sorry but due to your circumstances you are unable to contribute at this time. Honestly it is nothing to be ashamed of , did they ask you before the order was placed or just went ahead? If you really feel you want to contribute perhaps you could pay you contribution over 4 payments rather than in one go.

I wouldn't contribute either if I couldn't justify such an outlay, especially as your circumstances are totally different to your siblings. Be bold!