Bullied grandchild.

kircubbin autism has nothing to do with intelligence.

kircubbin2000

lemsip

You seem to know an awful lot about 'a friends grandchild'

Yes Lemsip, I had coffee with her yesterday and she was discussing the problem. She thinks he may be on the autistic spectrum although he is very bright.

Seems a reasonable conclusion. Perhaps assessment?

No Shelflife I agree with you too. Isolation, exclusion is bullying. Yes the boy made a mistake. He was wrong. He is a child and all the children in the class should be helped to understand. He’s apologised. Providing it was a genuine apology what more can he do.
He bullied and is now being bullied. If the teacher can get them all together they stand a chance of resolving this.
It is possible this boy is on the autism spectrum. He could well be unable to feel empathy. Being unable to empathise with others is a characteristic of autism and if that’s the case this boy will have a tough life. Right now I think they all need help.

No - bullies seem to pick on kids who are ‘different’ for some reason. It also happens amongst so- called adults of course. Bullying can often be quite covert and hard to deal with. I think maybe someone needs to talk to this young man and explain exactly why this particular bullying has occurred. He probably needs to get at least one of the current bullies onside and say he is sorry for his comments.

Shelflife

I am shocked at some if the responses on this thread!!! He is a child who made a mistake. Kircubbin,
he may have brought it on himself, he may have an awkward personality,
that is no reason to condone what is happening! Isolation , bullying is NEVER EVER acceptable. Am I alone in my view?

No Shelflife you are not. Heaven forbid that any of our grandchildren should ever do anything wrong. Do people think he should be an outcast forever?

Am I alone in my view?

No you aren’t. I said the same at the start of the thread.

I was going to suggest that as a possibility kircubbin.

lemsip

You seem to know an awful lot about 'a friends grandchild'

Yes Lemsip, I had coffee with her yesterday and she was discussing the problem. She thinks he may be on the autistic spectrum although he is very bright.

You seem to know an awful lot about 'a friends grandchild'

I am shocked at some if the responses on this thread!!! He is a child who made a mistake. Kircubbin,
he may have brought it on himself, he may have an awkward personality,
that is no reason to condone what is happening! Isolation , bullying is NEVER EVER acceptable. Am I alone in my view?

"Instead of joining in the other boys turned on the gs for being mean and now no one will speak tohim.Hehas apologised but now the others are making up stories about him and generally isolating him."

Why would the other boys become bullies like him? What a weird comment

They called him out and refuse to associate with a bully, who wants to be put down?

I don't blame the other students not wanting to talk to him - it is very different than being isolated

This may not be the first bully episode they have witnessed from this gc.

Is he being bullied or given consequences for his actions?

The boy is learning that actions have consequences. Hopefully this will cure his mean streak. Even when this passes, people will remember him as mean. A hard lesson but a good one to learn.

I would explain this to the boy and talk to the teacher, if necessary. Then maybe the school can help resolve things between all parties.

I hope the boy who is now being bullied has realised that he is now suffering the fate he was trying to force upon his classmate.

It is of no consequence how this happened , ok the boy may have designed his own downfall - so what!?
Bullying is never acceptable and the school must take this seriously before serious damage is done. This is not a matter of being a tell tale it is a distressing situation that must be Stopped now! These situations can quickly become so nasty that children have to move to a new school . The boys school has responsibility and must act now.

I wonder if as you say the boy involved is awkward coukd it be he was trying to seek approbation from his classmates who quite rightly would have none of it.
It wasnt kind of him to make fun of his classmate and its been a hard lesson but one hopes he has learned from this and that his classmates stop making his life difficult.
The incident didnt happen at school but if this continues perhaps the parent might speak to the teacher who could give a general chat about bullying.

I don’t think it helps to see him as “a telltale” or with”an awkward personality “ and the other children as “bullies”.

If bullying is to be tackled effectively everyone has to face up to it. Say it for what it is . He bullied the other child. Not a tell tale, a bully.

As adults we chose our company and avoid people we don’t like or trust, so I don’t think avoiding him is necessarily bullying. He’s not someone they want to be with.

He needs to accept that he will have to work hard at change if he wants others to like him and spend time with him. It’s not up to the other children to make that effort it’s his responsibility to show them that he has learned and changed.

So yes inform the school of what is happening. They can stop the making up stories and any overt nastiness. But they can’t compel other children to be his friends and include him in their friendship grounds. Only he can achieve that.

Serves him right. Now he knows how it feels. He seems an unpleasant boy, old enough to know better.

He really has brought this on himself but he does have an awkward personality.

Parents must go asap to school and doesk to the head teacher. If this is ignored it will escalate!! My DD was bullied in primary school, she was very unhappy and I sat down with her and asked her to tell me what was worrying her. When she told me I was horrified, I was at the school gates the next morning at 7.30 to catch the head as he arrived. He was very supportive, walked into the ringleaders classroom ( same class as my DD) took her outside to speak to her. The bullying stopped that day!!!
Doing nothing will make the situation worse !!!

We all know that 'bullying' is rarely simple - and the bullied often end up bullying if they are not helped. So it sets up this odd circle.
We are hearing this 3rd hand, but I agree that this would be a time to write to the teacher - so it can be clear that some 'general' anti-bullying is needed, rather than trying to call this out on individuals.
I would hope that the school are aware of his friendship issues, but it can be hard to deal with. I hope that a good and sympathetic school can help.

welbeck

what age is he ?

Must be about 12 or 13.

I would have a word with the teacher and she could approach the class on a general level about being kind to others.
My DD came home crying from Junior school ,she had been sent to Coventry by most of the girls.
Luckily I was a teacher and had been on an anti bullying course. On questioning I found she had joined in with a group who had sent someone to Coventry in turn for no reason,I found out one girl hadn't been sent and she was the ring leader.
I gave my own DD a good talking to about being kind and then approached the teacher.I did not name the child who had started it. The teacher talked to the class and it stopped.
Has your friends GS been bullied himself ,she should try and find out and if he has point out how awful it is for anyone?

what age is he ?

Sorry posted too soon. Meant to add that he’s a child and doesn’t deserve to be bullied and isolated anymore than any other child.