Sleeping in separate beds - does it help?

Separate beds pushed together so you don't share a mattress! Each gets their own comfort, but you're still together. I'd do it!!

DH sleeps in the spare bed (a snoring issue) but we still have "our bedroom" where all his clothes etc. remain, and where I sleep. Every morning he brings me a cuppa and joins me in bed. (When away, we may sleep together but we try to have two bedrooms!)

Foxglove77
Both my parents and my in-laws went for zip together beds with separate duvets and it worked well.
I think the fact that they are attached feels better than two pushed together.

One of our bedrooms has 2 beds pushed together but we "make" the bed with one super-king size sheet which forces the mattresses together and makes it nicer to sleep in as a couple. It makes the room more versatile but is not a long-term solution I think.

For some sleeping in seperate beds is quite OK but for others sleeping seperately can lead to living seperate lives and the end of a marrage. I would think carefully before doing it and don't think your patrner saying OK as it really being OK.

When the cancer spread to DH'S bones I would go off into another bedroom as I did not want to cause him pain by accidentally bumping into him. The look of sorrow in his eyes was awful but I needed the sleep too.
I would be up at 6am attending to him and then make tea and I would climb into bed with him and we would chat.
In 54 years we only spent the last couple of weeks in separate beds.

I move beds most nights being menopausal I like the bedroom really cold and cannot sleep if it is too warm.
Having been married 42 years where we sleep is irrelevant just getting some sleep is far more important.

We have a gap in between our 2 small doubles, with a small bedside table and a table lamp. Makes it much easier for getting up and for making the beds. But we are still close and feel 'together'.

Thank you everyone for your support. We need a new bed so I will definitely consider two small doubles pushed together. Thank you.

My DH is also a stroke patient so already on high meds.

I know lots of people don't share beds, popular with the Royals! But we would both feel lonely now to separate at night especially at this stage in life.

Two beds pushed together, so separate mattresses , two douvets of different togs - works well for us. Also have a double bed made up ( for me ) for when he is in snoring mode !!!!
Two beds , or separate rooms, definitely not a sign of a deteriorating relationship, quite the opposite IMO.

It was my RLS (I had kicked DH where it hurts a few times) that prompted a change to twin beds pushed together. we each had our own mattresses and duvets with a king-sized throw over the top. The arrangement was a god send when DH developed Dementia and thereafter became incontinent. I was right there when needed or for a cuddle, but only needed to change half the bedding after an accident.

Cant understand why anyone would feel their relationship is on the rocks just because they sleep in separate rooms.!
My O H and I have had our own rooms for years now. We both enjoy a good nights sleep , or have a read through the night etc. Whoever gets up first in the morning brings in the tea, we have a cuddle and talk about our plans for the day.

It makes me very angry to think your OH has waited 3 years for surgery - it is a disgrace.

I moved into another room when my OH was so ill - he was totally paranoid and thought I was going to kill him. It was intolerable. He was angry about it, but self-preservation was the name of the game. A bit of me still feels bad about it. But there was nothing else to be done.

I have a lot of pain at night and look longingly at the nice big double memory foam mattress bed going begging in the next room. D H won't hear of it...He thinks I am contemplating divorce if I suggest it. I would love a double bed to myself.

We have not shared a room for years and it gives you so much more leaway to do your own thing. DH gets up hours before me as he is not a good sleeper and can listen to the radio in the night if he needs to. I can listen to my talking books to get to sleep or in the night so it keeps both of us happy. We still laugh about the second night of our honeymoon . We were just picking hotels as we toured around and on the second night DH was told by the hotel they only had twin beds to offer us . He was worried I would not agree to this so he was astonished to see the large smile on my face thinking about my own bed. Easy to see we had not lived together before we married.

tanith

When my husband was ill at his suggestion he went in the spare room as he often woke and would use his ipad he said it saved waking me.

We do this at times of pain or illness, it does help both of us to sleep better.Suggest to your husband that he may have a more restful night, but be prepared for him to not want you to move as some people may see this as a rejection.So it is a suggestion only to him?

As said above, there is a half-way alternative- 2 separate beds, but in same room. We sleep so much better in our own bed, with own duvet, but I'd hate to sleep in separate bedroom.

We’ve had separate rooms for some years. OH sleeps very badly and would keep me awake half the night.

OH had a new hip about 6 months after I moved in, always a double bed before and after. We swapped sides to make it easier for a few weeks after, that aside not too much problem

If pain is keeping your man awake at night it’s time to have the hip done, go back and raise hell they do have cancellations, for long term pain relief the stronger medications have side effects

We’ve had separate rooms (each with a 5ft bed!) for a couple of years now. My DH brings tea in the morning and we usually chat (or something…) for at least an hour. We both sleep so much better now. I know I snore although my DH pretends he never hears me!

We have had separate bedrooms ever since I finally came home after my brain injury. It works well and it’s the only way either of us can get some sleep. It’s not a problem in a 4-bedroomed house.

We now sleep in separate rooms and I much prefer it. If I can't sleep I can put the light on and read. Also he is a loud snorer and it is good to get away from that! There's nothing stopping us visiting for a cuddle.

I've been sleeping downstairs on the sofa for the last month as we have a new puppy. I thought my husband would be beside himself by now but it doesn't seem like he's bothered. The sofa is far more comfortable than our Adjustamatic bed and I've slept well.

Lost my post!
Is sleeping together so important in the great scheme of things, especially if one of you is ill?
When DH was first ill, between drenching night sweats and multiple visits to the toilet, we were both up half the night. When he started chemo, it seemed sensible that I slept in a separate room, so I could get a good nights rest and be ready for the trials of the following day. It also meant that DH didn’t feel guilty that he’d kept me awake and he could then stay in bed longer and make up for his own lost sleep.

My DH is still suffering from PHN after shingles 3 1/2 years ago. If his arm is touched it's very painful. I have pains from arthritis and like to spread out. I'm also asthmatic and, if suffering I like to keep the light on to read since it distracts me from thinking about my breathing. Both of us wake up during the night. So last year we moved into separate rooms which means that we both sleep much better.

We tend to sleep separately if one of us is having issues. My DH has a painful back and hip, so sometimes will move to the couch for the night. He actually likes it since he can re-arrange pillows and he says it 'cradles' him a bit.

Once in a while I get really restless legs, so will do the same.

We made a switch to a king size bed a few years ago, and that did make a big difference, but occasionally we still will move and let the other sleep.

If it means a better sleep, I can't see why it would upset him.