Just be patient, sure things will improve over time. Perhaps offer to help in other ways rather than just sitting there waiting to hold the baby? (shopping#, housework, cooking etc)
Hi Bonbon 8888
Congrats on being a first-time Nana!
I know all babies are precious to parents, but your grandson is particularly so to your Dil. She is probably worried he will pick up some germs and so has a strong maternal urge to protect him.
Maybe you can wait for her to offer you to hold the baby, which I'm sure, in time she will. Just try to be patient.
She may appreciate a helping hand with some of the house chores or preparation of a meal, leaving her to concentrate on baby care.
I must say baby is doing well with his sleep pattern, seven hours at eight weeks old! My Dil is up breast feeding two or three times at night, and baby is over one year old, but then all babies are different and wonderful in their own way.
I would just try to be as supportive as possible and go with the flow.
In time things will improve, as your Dil becomes more confident and secure in being a first time Mum
Good luck and enjoy the days ahead!
I sort of understand your DIL, after numerous miscarriages and failed IVF here, I feel its understandable for her to be protective, she has waited a long time for this bundle of life and its very precious to her, let her be. She would be upset if she read this thread, I would be. Its normal now to protect babies hearing she is just being careful. Of course visit and be loving but the baby is very very precious.
I would take a little step back and try not to worry. There are plenty of years ahead for things to calm down, and the outside world and other mums her own age will start to influence her parenting too. I'm not sure a baby can be neurotic!
Perhaps stop offering the nappy changes too. She has shown she is not comfortable with this and although you mean well you are just heaping more pressure on her as she will be aware of your disappointment when she declines.
Awwwww it’s her first baby , hard got ! Of course she doesn’t like anyone holding him , breathing germs all over him , afraid he’ll be upset !
Give her space . It’s her baby and he will be fine . My eldest is 50+ and the health visitor told me not to let anyone but my OH hold him for the first few weeks . She will be more relaxed as time goes on , but it’s still her baby and she decides
I agree with what has just been said, your ds and dil should be able to care for their baby in their own way.
This baby is very precious to them and like most new parents they will be nervous about coping. Tell them how well they're doing, it sounds as though baby is thriving and loved under their care and that's the important thing.
Try your best to agree/tolerate it. I agree with you but it's their baby, their choices. The number of times I've zipped my lip when I wanted to say something are beyond belief. However, I'm here ten years and 2 GC later and they are a delightful family. Furthermore, we have an excellent relationship and that's wonderful to me. Might not have been so had I put in my tuppence (or more!) worth at the outset.'. Good luck and enjoy.
It’s your dil and ds’s baby and they can care for him however they wish. You have had your chance to mother a baby and now it’s their time.
Why do you need to hold the baby anyway? Can you not just see him and listen to him on your visits and feel blessed to have this new family in your life?
I am a first time Grandmother (Nana). My daughter in law just had her first baby .He is 8 weeks old. She had a tough go trying to get pregnant. She had 2 miscarriages previously then went through IVF and had a successful pregnancy . A total miracle. She is very nervous with him especially when he cries she immediately feeds him, or calms him down which is all very normal. Anytime we come to visit she doesn’t like anyone to hold him. The few times I do she hovers over me like a hawk and looks for any opportunity to take him back . If he fusses and has a wet diaper she takes him from me to change him. I’ve offered to change him but she won’t hear of it and then my holding time with him has ended. He is starting to sleep a 7 hour stretch so he is thriving putting on weight and doing quite well. My son helps with the sleep shift so they are getting sleep. I have brought gifts am always respectful but most of the time she is holding him and I am sitting there. The room is always dark without any lights even during the day and the house is in silence no noise ever. If there is noise during naps he gets startled . I can tell you my pediatrician told me to let my son get used to noise and I went about my daily routine even vacuuming near his room when he napped . The world is full of noise. I don’t get it. It’s just my observation . I think she is setting him up to be a neurotic baby. She will be returning to work virtually from home in November. They plan on hiring a nanny. I guess I was expecting a different experience but I know this is who she is. Trying to be understanding and not making it about me. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated . Thanks , Bonnie
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